Prompt 157- Juxtapose- Windows to the soul- akasakasan- BTVS

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Title: Windows to the soul
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Prompt: 157 Juxtapose
Warnings: talk of what can be considered rape, spoilers for episode 415 ('This Years Girl') and 416 ('Who Are You') of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Rating: R
Summary: After Faith hitches a ride in Buffy's body in 'This Years Girl' and 'Who Are You' Buffy returns home and contemplates her soul.
Notes- This is my first time posting here. Any comments are more than welcome as well as any suggestions or other critique. If any part of my post does not adhere to the rules please inform me of it and I will do my best to fix the problem.

 

The sun shone through her bathroom window, illuminating the tiles in the brilliant colours of the sunrise. Buffy stared at her reflection in the large mirror over the sink, eyes narrowed and forehead creased in disgust. She leaned closer, resting a check against the cool, smooth glass and staring at the hazel of her eyes.

It is said that eyes are the mirrors to an individual’s soul. Buffy had recognised Giles after all, that fateful night when she had poised above the demons body ready to make the killing blow. She had stared at those same eyes countless times since she had come to Sunnydale and he had introduced himself, sweating and gently trembling with nervousness as he greeted his slayer. Buffy had seen those eyes narrow in frustration and anger, sparkle with pride and widen in shock. Even in a demon body, sporting horns and sharp teeth she had recognised her mentor. So why had no one noticed that Faith had been hitching a ride in her body?

Buffy peered closer at her eyes in the mirror, wondering if perhaps her soul was as dark and bitter as Faith’s was. Perhaps she was destined to follow the same path as her fellow slayer; drunk with her own power and proving her strength over humans and demons alike. Faith had taken out her problems on anyone around her, projecting her rage and her helplessness into her fights and into her fucks, or so she had heard from Xander. Buffy had witnessed it herself when she had fought Faith in her body. The bitter disgust radiating from Faith as she pummelled her own body, entranced by every hit she managed to land on her own self and seemingly taking sadistic pleasure from inflicting pain onto her on body. Juxtaposition between sadism and masochism and Buffy had been equally fascinated and horrified.

Even her own mother, her own flesh and blood, had not noticed the difference, and that wasn’t even talking about Riley, who hadn’t realised he was fucking Faith instead of her. The ache Buy still felt in her groin, as well as the scratches and bruises that still covered her skin, remaining despite slayer healing, were proof that Riley hadn’t even considered that it hadn’t been Buffy he was kissing, hadn’t been Buffy he was fucking or lying next to. At the thought of what they had done to her body she felt her stomach protest, quickly removing her face from the mirror and collapsing before the toilet, body shaking as she dry heaved. She had long before thrown up everything she had eaten for dinner as she replayed the events of the night over and over in her mind, imagination filling in the blanks. Other may say or think differently but what Faith had done was rape.

Her body had been used without her consent. Faith had taken her mind, her soul, her body and used them all to her advantage whilst Buffy had fought against iron manacles in the back of the Watchers van. Faith had opened her legs, Buffy’s legs, whilst Buffy shivered from the cold as she listened to the Englishmen spew taunts about her.

 Everything that Faith had done whilst in her body was done without Buffy knowing, without her consent and none of what had happened to her was consensual. The word ‘rape’ bounced around in her head, making her stomach hurt. Rape of her mind and her body and her spirit. She didn’t know how she could ever look at Riley the same way again without imagining him and Faith together. Using her body and making it perform whilst she lay helpless; a marionette with its strings cut whilst Faith gallivanted around town, practically whoring Buffy’s body out to the highest paying bidder.

Buffy curled up into a ball on the cold tiles of her bathroom floor and simply cried.