Oh, this is much clearer. The conflict stand out much better here, and I like the bit with the Arabian Nights... the fantasy of those tales against the reality of the market.
You switch from present tense (I wander away / He touches one) to past tense (I came up / Dirk looked at the boy) in the middle. Either is fine, but the switch threw me.
This is a little awkward: I see a hand with then a wrist.
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Date: 2006-07-12 06:02 am (UTC)You switch from present tense (I wander away / He touches one) to past tense (I came up / Dirk looked at the boy) in the middle. Either is fine, but the switch threw me.
This is a little awkward:
I see a hand with then a wrist.