This is your frst post at Taming? Welcome to the com.
I don't know this fandom (and in truth, I'm not sure I could cope with another one *grin*) but I enjoyed this chapter. You describe movement really well, and painted the characters clearly enough so that even without the backstory or the context, I understood what was going on and what motivated them.
There was one bit where I was not sure what was happening though....
Just as he started towards Andrew, the room went dark and KaLee moved like lightning. She had to before the emergency light came on. She was to get the King, to take out the Jager’zen next to him. She was going to have to be fast.
The knife she had sliced through some of its control panels and caused it to loose one half of its movement. She then shoved the object up to the hilt in to the throat but that did not stop it. It grabbed her pulling her to it. KaLee managed to roll it over her and land on her feet but somehow it had ended up behind her. This was going to be bad. She knew she did not have time to turn and stop whatever plan it had.
Is there a bit missing, between those two paragraphs? All the action up to that point was really well described and clear, but I lost my continuity here. Oh, hang on. I understand, sorry. There is a comma missing. The knife she had[,] sliced through some of its control panels Right. She had a knife and it sliced through the control panels of the Jager’zen next to the King. I read it as, she had sliced through the knife. *grins sheepishly*
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Date: 2007-05-27 02:17 pm (UTC)I don't know this fandom (and in truth, I'm not sure I could cope with another one *grin*) but I enjoyed this chapter.
You describe movement really well, and painted the characters clearly enough so that even without the backstory or the context, I understood what was going on and what motivated them.
There was one bit where I was not sure what was happening though....
Just as he started towards Andrew, the room went dark and KaLee moved like lightning. She had to before the emergency light came on. She was to get the King, to take out the Jager’zen next to him. She was going to have to be fast.
The knife she had sliced through some of its control panels and caused it to loose one half of its movement. She then shoved the object up to the hilt in to the throat but that did not stop it. It grabbed her pulling her to it. KaLee managed to roll it over her and land on her feet but somehow it had ended up behind her. This was going to be bad. She knew she did not have time to turn and stop whatever plan it had.
Is there a bit missing, between those two paragraphs? All the action up to that point was really well described and clear, but I lost my continuity here.
Oh, hang on. I understand, sorry. There is a comma missing. The knife she had[,] sliced through some of its control panels Right. She had a knife and it sliced through the control panels of the Jager’zen next to the King. I read it as, she had sliced through the knife. *grins sheepishly*
As I said, I really enjoyed this.