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tamingthemuseAUTHOR: Salustra
E-MAIL: Salustra: goddess_salustra@juno.com
TITLE: Victory Verse 11- Respite
RATING: NC-17
PAIRING: Spike/Angelus
CONTENT: vague mentions of past physical abuse and other forms of abuse
SUMMARY: Spike reflects on the past and weighs his options. Eleven in the Victory Verse. Done for tamingthemuse prompt#368- light.
Distribution: Various lists, Wierd Romance Yahoo Group- http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WierdRomance ;
My livejournal - http://salustra.livejournal.com/ ; and the website Weird Romances- http://www.freewebs.com/salustra/wr/index.html . No posting elsewhere without express permission please.
SPOILERS: Through Angel S5 x08 - "Destiny"
DISCLAIMER: Playing wit the boys, but we’re just having fun. No money made, don’t sue us! (or, in more formal language-
Copyright Disclaimer I do not own any characters, products or services depicted in this story which you recognize. Original characters/characterization and plot are mine. Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel The Series characters are OOC and I cite section 107 of the US copyright clause on 'fair use' to be found HERE
Principally this is a transformative work, for enjoyment only, has a selective audience and I make no profit. )
FEEDBACK: Yes please.
Length: 1,458 words.
Well, at least I knew what the coil was for. I supposed I should be grateful for the malfunction that brought Angelus back. Otherwise this thing could have killed Fred, Wes, Gunn, and whoever else was along for the fight against Ka'Dath, and maybe killed Angel or me, depending on who won the fight. Angelus I could deal with. Being the death of all those people, I don't know if I could handle that.
But bloody hell was I in trouble. Because this wasn't the insane twisted wreck of Angelus that surfaced in Sunnydale these few years past. As I snuggled in close to him I could feel what he was feeling, and glimpses of the actual thoughts. He was sated, and he was...happy. And for this brief moment, so was I. I could feel Hell now closer than when Pavayne tried to send me there.
See, I'd been working on a little project. A gift for Angel. I'd quietly gotten a project slipped in with the official stuff to try to safely remove Angel's curse without removing his soul. I know everyone thinks I'm all fangy and grrr and kill things and no real brains. What, they think I managed to reconstruct the ancient ritual of the Sire's Blood, put the Judge back together, and find the Gem of Amarra purely by blind luck? That's three near-impossible tasks and I did them mostly on my lonesome. I'm just impulsive and hedonistic, doesn't mean I'm stupid.
They'd been reporting just to me. And I'd gotten reports that hadn't precisely been the news I was looking for. See, Angel's soul, strictly speaking, wasn't his. Angel's 'soul' wasn't Liam, it was a troubled soul needing to suffer before it could enter grace. It was all the gypsies could conjure up. Getting someone's original soul takes big mojo and sacrifices. And for a vampire, even harder, as the human souls aren't usually keen to be pulled back from their eternal reward. Mine was mine, cos I paid for it in blood and trial, and because William wouldn't let himself get pulled into the great beyond. William had been ghosting quietly along the whole time. I asked the shaman the hard questions about my soul before I left Africa. So I'd 'spent a few weeks in a basement', as Angel had put it. And soul and demon worked fine together. We wanted each other. Angel was a passenger, serving out a sentence in a vampire, so of course he fought Angelus, pressed him down, feared and hated him. And so here we were again. Maybe if the soul had paid its freight it might not even be available to come back.
And I knew there were no more Orbs of Thessulah left. Someone at Wolfram and Hart had arranged a task force to get rid of them. Willow had used the one Giles gave her already. So even if there was a soul left to call, we'd no way to call it.
Buffy would likely tell me we should just kill him. So I wasn't going to call her. She had no experience with the Evil Empire, and no way Wolfram and Hart would let us get away with killing their CEO. They'd either kill us all or work out some way to force one of us to take over the job. Probably me, knowing the hard-on W&H had for souled vampires. Also, except for me, all the others had signed those rutting contracts. The firm owned them body, soul, and afterlife. Killing Angelus wouldn't free anyone but me, and probably get us all killed or tormented or whatever else the Senior Partners decided they wanted.
I'd come up with something. It just couldn't happen anytime soon. It would have to be some way to free all of us without killing Angelus. Failing that....I sighed softly. Failing that if I could somehow free the others, I'd do it. I'd survived the worst of Angelus' attentions before and I was much older and stronger now. And there were times, like now, when I could stay willingly forever. But the others couldn't know. I'd have to plot and plan alone because they had to remain in the dark.
I wriggled uncomfortably. Angelus stroked a hand down my back and cupped the small of it. "Shhh, my boy, settle. I've got you."
Oh fuck. I did still myself, my purr unabated. I was so buggered. If Angelus was going to be like his old self, if he was only going to indulge in rather ordinary villainy, I didn't know if I would be capable of fighting him. Not in the way I'd need to. He was my first...well, my first in almost everything important.
Angelus wouldn't be like this always. His nature would tell and he'd have me bound and screaming. But all of those I loved hurt me. Drusilla had never physically hurt me, but she'd tormented me, often forgetting who I was and calling me Daddy and begging me to hurt her. Buffy, on the other hand.... Well, for us fighting was foreplay. But then came that awful day I'd tried to stop her from turning herself into the police. And she'd beaten me down, and kept on beating me til I couldn't move. She'd left me there. If I hadn't managed to crawl into shelter, I would have gone with the sun. She never even asked after how I'd survived. And there was more beside. I paid for every tiny scrap of affection by being there for her to use. In whatever way she wanted, whether I said no or yes. I'd loved both of them with every bit of my heart and neither of them had really seen me. I'd fit a space that needed filling. I wasn't a full person to either of them, not really, not truly.
But when Angelus had tormented me... I knew every moment, I could see it in his eyes, and hear it in his voice.... He knew me, he saw me. And later he would come to heal it. Sometimes right after, if he was torturing me just to amuse himself. Sometimes it would be much later if he was punishing me. And whenever it was he'd whisper sweet nothings to me, often bathe me after, hold me close. Pain or pleasure, there was never any doubt that at the moments he was with me there could be no one else that took my place. There was so much wrapped into it, father issues, my need for a grown man's approval, my first real passion that was returned, my need to matter, my need for contact of any kind and particularly for affection. It was love between demons, and human standards didn't quite apply then. And I found that now, even with a soul, human standards still didn't quite apply.
I didn't think Angelus knew exactly why he had me. But he still had me, dammit. As much as I didn't approve of killing for no reason, if it wasn't anyone I knew I could probably ignore it. At least for a while. There was no way this couldn't end badly. I knew it. I also knew he was the only one who'd ever loved me as much as I'd loved him. It was crazy, obsessive, possessive, painful, overwhelming, completely blind love. And if he could keep his word about those precious few others I gave a damn about, I couldn't see any way I could give it up.
I lay there, purring, luxuriating in the feel of his skin against mine, in the scent of him, in the slow stroking of his hand on my back and ass. I traced light fingertips across his skin, tracing the muscles. He made a soft growl and nipped my ear but I continued and he gave a softer growl and nipped at my neck again. He was being indulgent, and letting me touch him. Letting me show affection.
I could almost feel Wesley approaching before I could hear him. "We've got company coming."
"Let him see," Angelus insisted, and indeed pinned me down with a toe-curling kiss just as Wes came into the room.
"Ummm...." Wesley stopped, then regained his composure, though the scent of his arousal was impossible to miss. "It's about time to leave to get to the shaman."
Angelus chuckled. "Yeah, I suppose." He let me up and we wandered off to dress, each of us scandalizing Wes at our lack of shame.
Well now, all I had to do is try and save the day. God help us all. Because I could not see the light at the end of this tunnel, and if I did it would probably be a train.
E-MAIL: Salustra: goddess_salustra@juno.com
TITLE: Victory Verse 11- Respite
RATING: NC-17
PAIRING: Spike/Angelus
CONTENT: vague mentions of past physical abuse and other forms of abuse
SUMMARY: Spike reflects on the past and weighs his options. Eleven in the Victory Verse. Done for tamingthemuse prompt#368- light.
Distribution: Various lists, Wierd Romance Yahoo Group- http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WierdRomance ;
My livejournal - http://salustra.livejournal.com/ ; and the website Weird Romances- http://www.freewebs.com/salustra/wr/index.html . No posting elsewhere without express permission please.
SPOILERS: Through Angel S5 x08 - "Destiny"
DISCLAIMER: Playing wit the boys, but we’re just having fun. No money made, don’t sue us! (or, in more formal language-
Copyright Disclaimer I do not own any characters, products or services depicted in this story which you recognize. Original characters/characterization and plot are mine. Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel The Series characters are OOC and I cite section 107 of the US copyright clause on 'fair use' to be found HERE
Principally this is a transformative work, for enjoyment only, has a selective audience and I make no profit. )
FEEDBACK: Yes please.
Length: 1,458 words.
Well, at least I knew what the coil was for. I supposed I should be grateful for the malfunction that brought Angelus back. Otherwise this thing could have killed Fred, Wes, Gunn, and whoever else was along for the fight against Ka'Dath, and maybe killed Angel or me, depending on who won the fight. Angelus I could deal with. Being the death of all those people, I don't know if I could handle that.
But bloody hell was I in trouble. Because this wasn't the insane twisted wreck of Angelus that surfaced in Sunnydale these few years past. As I snuggled in close to him I could feel what he was feeling, and glimpses of the actual thoughts. He was sated, and he was...happy. And for this brief moment, so was I. I could feel Hell now closer than when Pavayne tried to send me there.
See, I'd been working on a little project. A gift for Angel. I'd quietly gotten a project slipped in with the official stuff to try to safely remove Angel's curse without removing his soul. I know everyone thinks I'm all fangy and grrr and kill things and no real brains. What, they think I managed to reconstruct the ancient ritual of the Sire's Blood, put the Judge back together, and find the Gem of Amarra purely by blind luck? That's three near-impossible tasks and I did them mostly on my lonesome. I'm just impulsive and hedonistic, doesn't mean I'm stupid.
They'd been reporting just to me. And I'd gotten reports that hadn't precisely been the news I was looking for. See, Angel's soul, strictly speaking, wasn't his. Angel's 'soul' wasn't Liam, it was a troubled soul needing to suffer before it could enter grace. It was all the gypsies could conjure up. Getting someone's original soul takes big mojo and sacrifices. And for a vampire, even harder, as the human souls aren't usually keen to be pulled back from their eternal reward. Mine was mine, cos I paid for it in blood and trial, and because William wouldn't let himself get pulled into the great beyond. William had been ghosting quietly along the whole time. I asked the shaman the hard questions about my soul before I left Africa. So I'd 'spent a few weeks in a basement', as Angel had put it. And soul and demon worked fine together. We wanted each other. Angel was a passenger, serving out a sentence in a vampire, so of course he fought Angelus, pressed him down, feared and hated him. And so here we were again. Maybe if the soul had paid its freight it might not even be available to come back.
And I knew there were no more Orbs of Thessulah left. Someone at Wolfram and Hart had arranged a task force to get rid of them. Willow had used the one Giles gave her already. So even if there was a soul left to call, we'd no way to call it.
Buffy would likely tell me we should just kill him. So I wasn't going to call her. She had no experience with the Evil Empire, and no way Wolfram and Hart would let us get away with killing their CEO. They'd either kill us all or work out some way to force one of us to take over the job. Probably me, knowing the hard-on W&H had for souled vampires. Also, except for me, all the others had signed those rutting contracts. The firm owned them body, soul, and afterlife. Killing Angelus wouldn't free anyone but me, and probably get us all killed or tormented or whatever else the Senior Partners decided they wanted.
I'd come up with something. It just couldn't happen anytime soon. It would have to be some way to free all of us without killing Angelus. Failing that....I sighed softly. Failing that if I could somehow free the others, I'd do it. I'd survived the worst of Angelus' attentions before and I was much older and stronger now. And there were times, like now, when I could stay willingly forever. But the others couldn't know. I'd have to plot and plan alone because they had to remain in the dark.
I wriggled uncomfortably. Angelus stroked a hand down my back and cupped the small of it. "Shhh, my boy, settle. I've got you."
Oh fuck. I did still myself, my purr unabated. I was so buggered. If Angelus was going to be like his old self, if he was only going to indulge in rather ordinary villainy, I didn't know if I would be capable of fighting him. Not in the way I'd need to. He was my first...well, my first in almost everything important.
Angelus wouldn't be like this always. His nature would tell and he'd have me bound and screaming. But all of those I loved hurt me. Drusilla had never physically hurt me, but she'd tormented me, often forgetting who I was and calling me Daddy and begging me to hurt her. Buffy, on the other hand.... Well, for us fighting was foreplay. But then came that awful day I'd tried to stop her from turning herself into the police. And she'd beaten me down, and kept on beating me til I couldn't move. She'd left me there. If I hadn't managed to crawl into shelter, I would have gone with the sun. She never even asked after how I'd survived. And there was more beside. I paid for every tiny scrap of affection by being there for her to use. In whatever way she wanted, whether I said no or yes. I'd loved both of them with every bit of my heart and neither of them had really seen me. I'd fit a space that needed filling. I wasn't a full person to either of them, not really, not truly.
But when Angelus had tormented me... I knew every moment, I could see it in his eyes, and hear it in his voice.... He knew me, he saw me. And later he would come to heal it. Sometimes right after, if he was torturing me just to amuse himself. Sometimes it would be much later if he was punishing me. And whenever it was he'd whisper sweet nothings to me, often bathe me after, hold me close. Pain or pleasure, there was never any doubt that at the moments he was with me there could be no one else that took my place. There was so much wrapped into it, father issues, my need for a grown man's approval, my first real passion that was returned, my need to matter, my need for contact of any kind and particularly for affection. It was love between demons, and human standards didn't quite apply then. And I found that now, even with a soul, human standards still didn't quite apply.
I didn't think Angelus knew exactly why he had me. But he still had me, dammit. As much as I didn't approve of killing for no reason, if it wasn't anyone I knew I could probably ignore it. At least for a while. There was no way this couldn't end badly. I knew it. I also knew he was the only one who'd ever loved me as much as I'd loved him. It was crazy, obsessive, possessive, painful, overwhelming, completely blind love. And if he could keep his word about those precious few others I gave a damn about, I couldn't see any way I could give it up.
I lay there, purring, luxuriating in the feel of his skin against mine, in the scent of him, in the slow stroking of his hand on my back and ass. I traced light fingertips across his skin, tracing the muscles. He made a soft growl and nipped my ear but I continued and he gave a softer growl and nipped at my neck again. He was being indulgent, and letting me touch him. Letting me show affection.
I could almost feel Wesley approaching before I could hear him. "We've got company coming."
"Let him see," Angelus insisted, and indeed pinned me down with a toe-curling kiss just as Wes came into the room.
"Ummm...." Wesley stopped, then regained his composure, though the scent of his arousal was impossible to miss. "It's about time to leave to get to the shaman."
Angelus chuckled. "Yeah, I suppose." He let me up and we wandered off to dress, each of us scandalizing Wes at our lack of shame.
Well now, all I had to do is try and save the day. God help us all. Because I could not see the light at the end of this tunnel, and if I did it would probably be a train.
