![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
slashluv18.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
tamingthemuseTitle: One Change
Fandom: Veronica Mars
Prompts: #538 – Eyeball(s)
Warnings: None
Pairings: Logan/Veronica
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,526
Summary: Veronica and Logan have a serious talk after she wakes up.
When Veronica woke up, she felt disorientated. Her eyeballs felt itchy, and her mouth felt like it was filled with cotton. Her head pounded and when she moved even a little bit, she felt as if she was going to throw up.
She tried to sit up, but the room spun, so she quickly closed her eyes and kept her head still. "Ugh," she groaned.
"You're up," a voice spoke from her left.
In her foggy state, she didn't recognize the voice right away and automatically stiffened. Her heartbeat seemed to go faster as she tried to figure out who spoke.
"Veronica?" the same, male, voice questioned.
She swallowed nervously and cautiously opened her eyes. The sight of the familiar form didn't immediately calm like it might have in the past. "What knew torture have you thought up for me?" she weakly asked.
Hurt flashed in Logan's eyes. "I deserved that."
She didn't agree or disagree with the sentiment, or at least she didn't out loud. Inwardly, she viciously thought, 'You deserve that and so much more.' Out loud, she asked, "Where am I?"
"At my humble abode," Logan feebly joked.
That didn't make her feel any better, especially since there was a lot of the previous night that she didn't remember. "You're room?"
Logan's eyebrows furrowed before his eyes widened in realization at what she was asking without actually asking it. "Of course not. In the guest room. How could you think I'd do something with you when you were obviously out of it?" he angrily demanded.
Forgetting that she'd feel sick if she moved too quickly, Veronica quickly sat up. She crossed her arms over her chest and bit her bottom lip until the sudden bout of nausea passed. When she felt sure she would keep down her last meal, she exclaimed, "What should I think!? The Logan I knew wouldn't have treated me as horribly as you have. Why should I think you wouldn't take it that far? After all, I've been waiting for you to brag about taking my virginity. I'm surprised you haven't. What a perfect form of torture that would have been."
She looked away, but not before she saw Logan's posture slump. "Okay, I get it. I've been a lousy friend, and an even lousier human being. And I hate the fact that you could think so little of me, but you have no reason to think otherwise."
Veronica didn't look back at him.
Logan continued, hoping to get some kind of response from Veronica. Even if it was more angry words. "Veronica, I was never planning to announce our big night together, and it wasn't even because of Duncan's reaction, which I'm sure would have been extremely unfavorable."
Still no look. All he got was a twitch at the mention of Duncan.
Logan couldn't help wondering, 'Does she still love Duncan? Even now?' He had no right to ask her that, so he continued with his piece. "I was never planning to tell anyone because I think of that night as being special. We got a lot closer than I ever thought we would, and I'm not just taking about the physical closeness. After that night, you seemed to trust me so much more. You trusted me enough to call me about your mom, and until then, it was never me you ran to."
Finally, Veronica looked at him. "And you saw how that turned out? You used it against me! Threw it back at my face just to hurt me! And you knew it would hurt! I trusted you, and you turned on me. Right when I needed you the most! How could you!?"
Logan's anger came back, and he retorted, "How could you side with your dad over Lilly!?"
"He's my dad! My mom had already left. Went who knows where?! How could I turn my back on a man who has always been there for me? Not everyone is like you. I actually have a good relationship with me dad!"
Logan stumbled away as if he had been slapped.
Veronica's shoulders slumped. She hadn't meant to say that. She had no concrete evidence, but there had always been signs that not everyone was okay in his house, especially where Aaron was concerned. That was one of the reasons she had always stayed away from the man. "Logan, I'm s—"
Logan shook his head, interrupting her mid-apology. "No, you're right. Your relationship with your dad is a lot better than mine is with my dad."
"I shouldn't have said that," Veronica quietly replied.
"You were just responding to my accusations, right?"
Veronica didn't answer.
"And the funny thing is... I hadn't even been planning to fight with you when you woke up. It just happened. I had wanted to say I'm sorry, but then you shouted, and I shouted, and... Well.. Here we are. Funny how arguments spiral out of control so fast, huh?"
Veronica latched onto one piece of pertinent information. "You were planning to say you were sorry?"
Logan smiled. "Yeah. I realized, surprisingly with the help of Dick, that Lilly would probably have killed me for treating you so poorly, especially since she's not around to protect you from the 'evil 09'ers.'" He emphasized 'evil 09'ers' with air quote in his goofy way that for once, didn't bring a smile to her face.
"Dick helped you?" Veronica disbelievingly asked.
"Not on purpose, trust me. He was drunk and stupid. And the last thing he wanted was to help me. I think he was trying to hurt me actually."
Veronica nodded. "Can I ask you something?"
Logan wanted to make a joke about how she just did but held his tongue. He simply nodded.
"Why?"
"Why what?" he asked.
Veronica rolled her eyes. "Why have you treated me so poorly? I get you were angry at me about my dad, and you thought me agreeing with me dad about Jake being involved was also me betraying Lilly. I get that, but still, the way you treated me was so extreme. Especially with everything you said about my mom. There has to be another reason for it. So why?"
"You don't ask the easy questions, do you?"
Veronica didn't look away. "If you want me to maybe forgive you, you'll be honest with me. So, why?"
"I felt guilty."
Veronica tilted her head. "Guilty about what?"
Logan looked at her like she was nuts. "About us. That night! The fact that we went behind Lilly's back. How she might have felt about it if she knew. And then, she's died. How can I not feel guilty?"
Veronica's breath caught as she remembered the conversation she had with Lilly the day before everything went bad. She wanted to tell him what Lilly said, about having her blessing if they wanted to explore what they felt for each other, but an inkling of doubt still bothered Veronica. Would it even matter? After everything Logan did to her, after all of the hurtful words, would they be able to be at a place where they could maybe be what Lilly thought they could be?
She really didn't know the answer, but she also knew that wasn't a good enough reason to keep the truth from Logan. Even if they could never be that to each other, at least if Logan knew how Lilly felt, the guilt wouldn't weigh down so heavily on him.
"Um, Logan?"
"Yeah?"
"The day before Lilly was..." she trailed off.
He nodded understandingly.
She took a deep breath and continued, "Lilly and I talked. She figured out something had happened between us and confronted me about it."
"What did she say?"
"That she thought there could be something special between us, and she wasn't going to stand in our way. In fact, she gave me her blessing to go to you and tell you I had feelings for you. That I wanted something more than the one night." The last sentence was said a bit haltingly, but at least she got it out."
"You have feelings for me?"
"Had," Veronica retorted seriously. "And now, I honestly don't know what I feel for you."
"Veronica—"
"You hurt me," Veronica interrupted. "I trusted you more than anyone alive, except maybe my dad, and you turned against me, and you made sure the school turned against me. How am I supposed to feel about you now?"
"I'm sorry."
Veronica nodded. "I understand that, but sometimes, sorry just isn't enough."
"Is there anything I can do?"
Veronica looked around the room. "You can start by being honest with me. What happened last night and why don't I remember it?"
Logan opened his mouth, and then closed it. He already knew he was going to tell her the truth, but he just didn't know how to say it.
Still, he began, "Well, you see..."
And Veronica had her whole world rocked by the knowledge of how hurt she could have been if Logan hadn't been watching over her. Even as angry as he was, he still protected her, and that definitely counted for something in her books.
Fandom: Veronica Mars
Prompts: #538 – Eyeball(s)
Warnings: None
Pairings: Logan/Veronica
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,526
Summary: Veronica and Logan have a serious talk after she wakes up.
When Veronica woke up, she felt disorientated. Her eyeballs felt itchy, and her mouth felt like it was filled with cotton. Her head pounded and when she moved even a little bit, she felt as if she was going to throw up.
She tried to sit up, but the room spun, so she quickly closed her eyes and kept her head still. "Ugh," she groaned.
"You're up," a voice spoke from her left.
In her foggy state, she didn't recognize the voice right away and automatically stiffened. Her heartbeat seemed to go faster as she tried to figure out who spoke.
"Veronica?" the same, male, voice questioned.
She swallowed nervously and cautiously opened her eyes. The sight of the familiar form didn't immediately calm like it might have in the past. "What knew torture have you thought up for me?" she weakly asked.
Hurt flashed in Logan's eyes. "I deserved that."
She didn't agree or disagree with the sentiment, or at least she didn't out loud. Inwardly, she viciously thought, 'You deserve that and so much more.' Out loud, she asked, "Where am I?"
"At my humble abode," Logan feebly joked.
That didn't make her feel any better, especially since there was a lot of the previous night that she didn't remember. "You're room?"
Logan's eyebrows furrowed before his eyes widened in realization at what she was asking without actually asking it. "Of course not. In the guest room. How could you think I'd do something with you when you were obviously out of it?" he angrily demanded.
Forgetting that she'd feel sick if she moved too quickly, Veronica quickly sat up. She crossed her arms over her chest and bit her bottom lip until the sudden bout of nausea passed. When she felt sure she would keep down her last meal, she exclaimed, "What should I think!? The Logan I knew wouldn't have treated me as horribly as you have. Why should I think you wouldn't take it that far? After all, I've been waiting for you to brag about taking my virginity. I'm surprised you haven't. What a perfect form of torture that would have been."
She looked away, but not before she saw Logan's posture slump. "Okay, I get it. I've been a lousy friend, and an even lousier human being. And I hate the fact that you could think so little of me, but you have no reason to think otherwise."
Veronica didn't look back at him.
Logan continued, hoping to get some kind of response from Veronica. Even if it was more angry words. "Veronica, I was never planning to announce our big night together, and it wasn't even because of Duncan's reaction, which I'm sure would have been extremely unfavorable."
Still no look. All he got was a twitch at the mention of Duncan.
Logan couldn't help wondering, 'Does she still love Duncan? Even now?' He had no right to ask her that, so he continued with his piece. "I was never planning to tell anyone because I think of that night as being special. We got a lot closer than I ever thought we would, and I'm not just taking about the physical closeness. After that night, you seemed to trust me so much more. You trusted me enough to call me about your mom, and until then, it was never me you ran to."
Finally, Veronica looked at him. "And you saw how that turned out? You used it against me! Threw it back at my face just to hurt me! And you knew it would hurt! I trusted you, and you turned on me. Right when I needed you the most! How could you!?"
Logan's anger came back, and he retorted, "How could you side with your dad over Lilly!?"
"He's my dad! My mom had already left. Went who knows where?! How could I turn my back on a man who has always been there for me? Not everyone is like you. I actually have a good relationship with me dad!"
Logan stumbled away as if he had been slapped.
Veronica's shoulders slumped. She hadn't meant to say that. She had no concrete evidence, but there had always been signs that not everyone was okay in his house, especially where Aaron was concerned. That was one of the reasons she had always stayed away from the man. "Logan, I'm s—"
Logan shook his head, interrupting her mid-apology. "No, you're right. Your relationship with your dad is a lot better than mine is with my dad."
"I shouldn't have said that," Veronica quietly replied.
"You were just responding to my accusations, right?"
Veronica didn't answer.
"And the funny thing is... I hadn't even been planning to fight with you when you woke up. It just happened. I had wanted to say I'm sorry, but then you shouted, and I shouted, and... Well.. Here we are. Funny how arguments spiral out of control so fast, huh?"
Veronica latched onto one piece of pertinent information. "You were planning to say you were sorry?"
Logan smiled. "Yeah. I realized, surprisingly with the help of Dick, that Lilly would probably have killed me for treating you so poorly, especially since she's not around to protect you from the 'evil 09'ers.'" He emphasized 'evil 09'ers' with air quote in his goofy way that for once, didn't bring a smile to her face.
"Dick helped you?" Veronica disbelievingly asked.
"Not on purpose, trust me. He was drunk and stupid. And the last thing he wanted was to help me. I think he was trying to hurt me actually."
Veronica nodded. "Can I ask you something?"
Logan wanted to make a joke about how she just did but held his tongue. He simply nodded.
"Why?"
"Why what?" he asked.
Veronica rolled her eyes. "Why have you treated me so poorly? I get you were angry at me about my dad, and you thought me agreeing with me dad about Jake being involved was also me betraying Lilly. I get that, but still, the way you treated me was so extreme. Especially with everything you said about my mom. There has to be another reason for it. So why?"
"You don't ask the easy questions, do you?"
Veronica didn't look away. "If you want me to maybe forgive you, you'll be honest with me. So, why?"
"I felt guilty."
Veronica tilted her head. "Guilty about what?"
Logan looked at her like she was nuts. "About us. That night! The fact that we went behind Lilly's back. How she might have felt about it if she knew. And then, she's died. How can I not feel guilty?"
Veronica's breath caught as she remembered the conversation she had with Lilly the day before everything went bad. She wanted to tell him what Lilly said, about having her blessing if they wanted to explore what they felt for each other, but an inkling of doubt still bothered Veronica. Would it even matter? After everything Logan did to her, after all of the hurtful words, would they be able to be at a place where they could maybe be what Lilly thought they could be?
She really didn't know the answer, but she also knew that wasn't a good enough reason to keep the truth from Logan. Even if they could never be that to each other, at least if Logan knew how Lilly felt, the guilt wouldn't weigh down so heavily on him.
"Um, Logan?"
"Yeah?"
"The day before Lilly was..." she trailed off.
He nodded understandingly.
She took a deep breath and continued, "Lilly and I talked. She figured out something had happened between us and confronted me about it."
"What did she say?"
"That she thought there could be something special between us, and she wasn't going to stand in our way. In fact, she gave me her blessing to go to you and tell you I had feelings for you. That I wanted something more than the one night." The last sentence was said a bit haltingly, but at least she got it out."
"You have feelings for me?"
"Had," Veronica retorted seriously. "And now, I honestly don't know what I feel for you."
"Veronica—"
"You hurt me," Veronica interrupted. "I trusted you more than anyone alive, except maybe my dad, and you turned against me, and you made sure the school turned against me. How am I supposed to feel about you now?"
"I'm sorry."
Veronica nodded. "I understand that, but sometimes, sorry just isn't enough."
"Is there anything I can do?"
Veronica looked around the room. "You can start by being honest with me. What happened last night and why don't I remember it?"
Logan opened his mouth, and then closed it. He already knew he was going to tell her the truth, but he just didn't know how to say it.
Still, he began, "Well, you see..."
And Veronica had her whole world rocked by the knowledge of how hurt she could have been if Logan hadn't been watching over her. Even as angry as he was, he still protected her, and that definitely counted for something in her books.
