#74 - Nowhere - Infinity on High - Zippit - NASCAR AU

[zippitgood.livejournal.com]

Title: Infinity on High
Author: Zippit
Fandom: NASCAR AU
Series: N/A
Character(s): Jeff Gordon, Dale Earnhardt Jr; Jeff POV
Prompt: #74 - Nowhere (7.19)
Warnings: Character Death (sorta)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1997
Written For: tamingthemuse
Completed: Decemeber 22, 2007
Disclaimer: Not real; don't know them, don't claim to know them. Only the makings of my imagination.
Dedication: Thanks to catw00man for the beta!
Author’s Note: Okay, so it took me several months, but I'm FINALLY working on those drabble prompts. I tried to get every prompt to be exactly either 100, 200, or 300 words, but some just were perfect without meeting the mark. They're only off by a word too. I love the Jeffy, but damn is he wordy.
Author's Note 2: Takes place at the end of the 2004 Nextel Cup season and references the fiery crash Dale Earnhardt Jr suffered in the American Lemans Series in July of that year.
Summary: Sometimes memory bleeds into reality.


Infinity on High

i. New Orleans

I never got to take him here. I never got to do much of anything with him. Our lives were too different. We were always at different stages. I was married, settled into my career, by the time he'd even started his.

We never made the time. I don't think he knew how. It was only his second year…. Then he had a whirlwind to deal with. Swept up in the chaos of being his father's son. Even now, three years later, he is—was—still struggling.

Being your father's namesake has to take its toll. His father wasn't ordinary. He was the Intimidator. But Dale's not exactly ordinary himself. Must be something in the genes. Kelley's the same way. And Kerry? Kerry looks like his dad more than anyone should.

Take a sip of my whiskey and walk out onto the small balcony to lean against the rail. Cool November air caresses my skin and I shiver. So many things I missed with him. I always thought we'd have the time.

Cars are supposed to be safe. Racing cars more so than street cars. He wasn't supposed to go like that. He wasn't supposed to go at all.

Dale….

ii. Darkness

The city is peppered with the nightlife emerging from their daytime shelters. It's barely even dusk and the street below is already filled with people. He would've loved this place. Sweet, seductive sin, he'd have blended right in.

Sip at my whiskey again, rolling the hint of sweet molasses over my tongue, while I watch the people below. It's good to be ordinary again. Just another guy enjoying a night out in New Orleans.

Smile softly at the couples strolling along. I remember feeling like that, but it's been a while. I miss it. I used to dream of someone I shouldn't. I…still do and every dream feels like sacrilege.

He's no longer here and I'm here lusting over his body. But it's not just about his body. I loved his personality; the shy exterior you had to work to penetrate, the demon when he was angry, and the racer that sometimes gave you chills when he was so like his dad.

I still turn at the hint of a southern drawl. Still watch for blue eyes and that glint of mischief hidden within them. Still wonder if he'd have turned me away or welcomed me with open arms.

iii. Thunder

I knew what he tasted like. I was wild and young. I needed him. Desire washed through me like an unforgivable ache and rain halted all plans.

It was torrential and he insisted I wait for it to let up. That was him. He took care of everyone around him, not asking much for himself. He didn't know his own worth.

Even then he was a good host. He kept me entertained for hours with jokes, stories, and games. I never was a gamer, but I'd try for him. Everything was good until the thunder rolled and the power died.

iv. Divine

Lightning flashes, haloed in pure light, and I can't resist, not any longer. Gaze at him seated beside me and whisper, "Dale…."

I catch a glimpse of his shy smile and his lips part to speak. I don't let him. Controller forgotten on the floor, I brush my lips against his. Watch his eyes widen as I slide closer and caress his cheek. Another soft kiss, he's not fighting me. Slide my arm around his waist and murmur, "Tell me to stop and I will."

He's innocent. So innocent. I wonder has he had anyone else? Growl low and I can't feel this way. I shouldn't. I'm married. His soft drawl pulls me from my thoughts, "Don't stop…."

A slow grin crosses my face and I kiss him once more, letting my lips linger. Yesssss… when I feel him lightly kiss me in return. I need him. But I need to be slow, stroke his desire to match mine. Kiss him again, tease him with kisses until they turn into a torment.

Time passes and I don't care. I have him. Hands have wandered on both our parts, pressed flush to one another while striving for breath. His dark eyes meet mine as I slowly cover his body with my own. His lips brush my shoulder and his hands move down my body. His whisper draws a gasp from me and I have to pull back to look at him.

His look is innocent, but his words reveal him to be something less. "Lube between the cushions, Dale? What do you get up to." Smirk and rock down against him, earning myself an eager thrust.

"You can come up with the details." Kiss him to silence and undress us both.

He is delicious under me, but unclothed? He is perfection.

v. Summer Solstice

His touch burns like the summer sun. We're both delirious with want. I want him. I have to have him if only for tonight. Slide my hands down his body, watching how he trembles in response, so responsive.

I wish I could cherish him longer. Open the lube I found buried between the cushions like he said and ease open his body with slick fingers. He moans and arches into my touch. Wanton boy.

I could make his body sing in ways he wouldn't even understand. Hear his breathy moan, "Pleeease… Jeffy, pleeease…."

No one calls me Jeffy, but him.

vi. Altar

He's sweet, so sweet. His lips against mine as I sink inside him. His desire swallowed up by my eager lips. Oh god…I never thought I'd have him. Does he want me as much?

Pull back and fuck…those eyes. So blue, so deep, and I fall without hesitation. Slowly rock into him, his moans music to my ears. Cup his cheek, covering his skin with kisses. "God June…. So good, so goood…."

His hands slide down my back, squeeze my ass, and haul me harder against him. His drawl heavy over words I've longed to hear, "Jeffy, more, fuck more!"

vii. Forbidden

He wasn't supposed to be mine. I wasn't supposed to have touched him at all.

I couldn't last. I tried to draw it out and somehow in the midst of it all, I made love to him. I gave him a piece of my heart and received a piece of his in return.

He was spent in my arms and didn’t shy away. Not him, instead he curled closer and we lost ourselves until we both wanted more. The second time was everything I knew he could be. Hard, rough, violent, a give and take I had no idea I longed for until I found it with him.

Pleasure again and again, we couldn't get enough. We ended up exhausted in his bed, the day wasted. Between the distraction of his sinful mouth and his delicious body, I'd called my PR rep and told her to clear my schedule due to the weather while it was Dale’s day off.

He snuggled against me and fell asleep. I should've slept too. I should've left before Brooke called. I couldn't. Not when he was beside me like that. So innocent…and all I wanted to do was shelter him from the world.

viii. Epiphany

We both knew it wouldn't be more than one night. I think it's why he gave me such a chaste kiss that morning. I couldn't leave like that. I pulled him close when he tried to slip past, his bare body against my clothed one, and kissed him until we were both breathless.

I couldn't find the words, but I think he knew. It was in his smile and the final, soft kiss he pressed against my lips. He disappeared into the shower and I...I disappeared from his house.

We were still friends, as best we could be, with all we had to do.

But it wasn't enough. Not when he was gone. When I couldn't see his smile every week at the track and when his familiar red car was driven by the rookie who was so far from being ready.

He wasn't his dad, but damn, his presence was missed just as much. We all clung to the memories we did have. Good, bad, as long as they were of him.

I clung to the memories of a night that never should've been. Memories I turn to when the ache for his presence gets to be too much.

ix. Retribution

The wind ruffles my hair and I push it back. The whiskey's almost gone and someone with a swagger so familiar catches my eye.

I took Martin under my wing, mentored Martin like I did Dale before him. The least I could do to ease the ache in my heart.

Martin was as close to Dale as I always yearned to be. Lost in this world where he'd just gotten settled. He's growing into his place, growing into the talent Dale saw.

He'll get there. Under Dale's tutelage, I knew he would've, and under mine, I'll make sure he does.

x. Slayer

Brown hair, blue eyes, swagger…there's no damn way. Choke as I inhale the last of my whiskey and swipe at my watering eyes. It can't be. The world watched him burn. Injuries too severe, pumped him full of morphine, his family in tears.

I still can't get the image of Kelley stepping forward, tears in her eyes, to announce that Dale was gone. It haunts my nightmares along with the images of his burning car.

Search desperately through the crowd and damnit, no. I lost him. Lean against the railing and clench the iron between my hands. It can't be.

xi. Chrome

It just can't be. We buried him. We fucking buried him.

I was there. I saw them lower the casket into the ground. The silver handle of his casket glinted obscenely in the bright sunlight. It wasn't right.

Step back into the room and pour myself another shot of whiskey, downing it quickly. That was only my second glass. I have to be hallucinating. There's no other explanation.

There's no way I saw him. It's my mind playing tricks on me. I was lost in my memories and I projected onto someone who held only a passing resemblance to Dale.

xii. Athena

Yeah, that's right. That's the only thing that makes sense. There's no other sensible explanation. Scrub hands over my face and pull shut the balcony door. The night no longer welcoming as a chill goes down my spine.

Walk to the bathroom and splash water on my face. You're here to relax I tell my reflection. You're here to forget all about NASCAR and enjoy New Orleans.

There's a knock on the door. Pat my face dry as I frown. I didn't order room service and no one should know I'm here. Look through the peephole and….

Oh my god. I'm insane. I'm going insane because what I see isn't real. There's no chance it's real.

It's…Dale. As if nothing's happened, he's standing in the doorway like it’s normal. Like he hasn't been dead the past four months. He's a figment of my imagination. Pinch myself and bite my tongue to keep from making a sound.

It's his doppelganger, but why the hell would he want to find me? Oh god…. Do I open the door? Is it really him?

Stand there, torn by indecision and wonder if it's really Dale why he'd want to put us through this. The grief, the devastation, that isn't the Dale I knew. But then did I really know him?

Another knock on the door and hell, what do I do?

I have to know. I need to know. But what if it's an elaborate hoax? What if he's nothing more than someone willing to go under the knife in order to make millions?

Watch him through the peephole, he has the casual grace Dale gained and the slightly self conscious stance he never quite got rid of. Take a deep breath, school my features, and slowly open the door, Oh god…, "Dale?"