Of Human Interest, Chapter Four

[tigerstriped86.livejournal.com]

Title: Of Human Interest (Chapter Four)
Author: tigerstriped86
Fandom/Pairing: Buffy/Torchwood crossover, Xander/Ianto, Ianto/Jack, Tosh/Owen (if you squint)
Prompt 100:  number 27: Hamartia (nifty Greek word!)

Summary: Xander's life is always complicated.  Starting over in Cardiff hasn't changed that.  Not that he chose Cardiff so much as Cardiff (and Torchwood) chose him.  Set right after a wild night out with Ianto.
Rating: T (for Teen: Use of Call of Duty, lots of angst, and hangovers, subtle sexy stuff too)
Disc.: I am not now, nor have I ever been, the BBC, RTD, anyone with Torchwood, Mutant Enemy, Dark Horse comics, Mr. Whedon, or a variety and host of people that claim the original intellectual property of Buffy and Torchwood.  I don't own Call of Duty either.
Disc. 2: This is done as a sequel, in script format.  The original story is called "In Good Company" and contained songs from Company, hence I toyed with the idea of script format.  If you want something else, I could always find something to post.  And don't worry folks, vampy Xander shall return next week...with a prophecy from the First slayer!

Compliments to Dan, whose idea this was and had the foresight to know just how amazing the pairing of Xander/Ianto works.  I'm converted, it's true!  Also, I'm very proud of both the content and length of this chapter.  It's definently one of my favorites.

In Good Company (how the heck Xander ended up in Cardiff): http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4138285/1/In_Good_Company
Of Human Interest (all chapters): http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4178083/1/Of_Human_Interest

They stumbled home around three, exhausted from a number of various drinks bought for them and the fun of weaving through each other, closer and closer each spin, and getting a bit sweaty serving drinks. The bar was a bit more humid by the time they were done, silk and cotton entwining for the best “show” Indy's bar had ever seen. They made no promises on return, but they had had so much fun.

Xander: You, Ianto Jones, are a party animal.

Ianto: And you, Xander Harris, are an enabler.

Xander: Darn Skippy. But I wasn't trying to enable you to cut loose completely. You almost lost your trademark tie during that last chorus of “I'm Here for the Party.”

Xander shoves Ianto out of the cab as they reach his flat, the cabbie also seemed to know Ianto well, and he sprawls, giggling onto the cement floor.

Ianto: Well, how did you like your time tonight?

Xander: I didn't think you would be the one on the floor.

Ianto: It's true. And I only had five, seven shots of what was that?

Xander: An Irish car bomb.

Ianto: God bless the Irish.

Xander: Okay, up we go. (He falls down as Ianto sinks into his arms, a mass of dead, giggling weight.) Or maybe not.

Ianto: Oh, my head. Oh, Jack. He'll be watching, won't he?

Xander: It's likely.

Ianto: I embarrassed myself tonight.

Xander: No, in fact it was quite the opposite. You were quite a hit.

Ianto: I'm going to have to change bars.

Xander: (shoves Ianto into a sitting position near a wall of his flat) Oh no you don't. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.

Ianto: I think it's in my job description, embarrassment. There are a lot of things in my job description, come to think on it. It was at least five pages long. Five long pages with Capt. Jack Harkness and my signatures at the bottom.

Xander: Okay, let's not start the teary-eyed phase of the drunk. Let's get you to bed first.

Ianto: No, no. Mustn't go to my bed. He'll be waiting there.

Xander: Okay, I'll bite. Where do you want to go then?

Ianto: With you. Back to California, to your lovely little crater.

Xander: Well, in my time it wasn't a crater.

Ianto: Lisa always wanted to see California. Oh, Lisa. Oh, my head. What would she say?

Xander: I'd think she'd say that you deserve to cut loose every now and then. Now, let's start by getting you in the up position.

Ianto: The entire world is sitting down, why can't I?

Xander: Because you, Ianto Jones, are not the entire world.

Ianto: (another fit of giggles) You're just saying that to get into my apartment. Men, always wanting to get in my knickers.

Xander: I'll pretend you didn't say that.

Ianto: (wickedly grinning as Xander lifts him deftly muttering something about never again and Spike and Ianto was really too drunk to pick out the rest anyways) You know, Green left a twenty in my belt loop somewhere during the night. He touched my rib cage, felt the bone there instead of the puppy fat he thought I had. And you know what? I think I enjoyed it.

Xander: Nothing wrong with enjoying a little attention every now and again.

Ianto: Oh, but it's not every now and again. It's every now. It's the way Jack looks at Gwen and Owen looks at Tosh and they pair off and play basketball and I clean up and oh dear, isn't the world all spinny.

Ianto leans into Xander and giggles once more before giving him a small kiss, no tongue. He stumbles back as Ianto whispers Angel, returning the kiss.

Ianto: Oh no.

He looks toward his window, the blinds swinging in an invisible wind.

Xander: We'd best go up.

Ianto: He might kill you.

Xander: He very well might. And I might just deserve it. But, I don't think the PTB will let an immortal kill me. Again. Not after almost being regularly flattened by Angelus for the span of four months.

Ianto shivers a bit, a rare display of displeasure in all of his half-drunken stupor.

The apartment is dark. Flowers and a globe from Jack litter the entryway, various gifts the only decoration Ianto had given the apartment since the fire. Mostly, the creamy yellow of the wall was off-set by various spots of red, Jack's signature color. The only thing on was the television and Jack pretending to snore in front of it.

Ianto: Jack, get up. We both know you don't snore.

Jack: (popping his eyes open) Where have you been all night?

Xander: I was right, you waited for us.

Jack: Always right, then?

Ianto: There's no need for such a bitter tone, Jack. You can't tell me you've never had an accident while drunk.

Jack: Well, normally, I'm not seeing anyone at the time I have an “accident” or two.

Xander: Fellas, fellas!

Ianto: Well, then. I'm sorry I don't fit up to your impeccable standards, Captain Harkness! I'm glad I kissed Xander. He helped me tonight.

Jack: He helped himself to you.

Xander: Now wait just a second, Jack...

Ianto: How dare you. Do you know that in one night this man has learned more about me than you've ever attempted to get to know? That he showed me I was still vital and full of life while you put me to the through the grindstone, only giving me what I need for that one second more?

Xander: So, this was a mistake.

Jack: You bet it was. I'm going now. I guess I know why you two are sweating.

Ianto: It's none of your business, but damn your notions. We were center attraction at a bar tonight, serving drinks and dancing as though the apocalypse was nigh. And it felt good to be alive and not worry about who saw me or who I was with.

Jack: That shouldn't be a problem, Yan. Maybe we never ran the same wavelength.

Ianto: Go cry to your doctor.

Jack: I'm leaving.

Jack leaves and Ianto stands there, fists clenched and slightly stunned as he had let some of the bitter truth out.

Xander: Feel better?

Ianto collapses into a pile of tears.

Xander: I'll go after him then. I really hope this isn't something I do. First Buffy and Angel, Giles and Ms. Calendar, Oz and Willow. Talk about a track record.

Xander took a bottle of aspirin from his pocket.

Xander: If you don't have Tums, I suggest you get some. You're going to need it. If I'd only known the trouble I would cause...

Xander ran after Jack, who was surprisingly fast on foot. He'd give Spike a pace or two, that's for sure. Xander shook his head in the raw, stifling breeze as he caught up.

Jack: You shouldn't follow me, right now.

Xander: So hit me then.

Jack: Don't tempt me.

Xander: You can't blame Ianto. Feeling left out does that to a person.

Jack: You don't know anything.

Xander: Oh yeah? Picture this then. A slayer, two witches, an undead vampire older than Dracula, a seer, two army men, a werewolf, two watchers handy with a blade, and the title “King of Cretins” hanging over your head. Don't tell me what I know.

Jack: That has nothing to do with Ianto. You took him out, you seduced him!

Xander: I'm touched you would think I'm capable of such maliciousness. Don't blame me, Jack. Don't blame me because he can love you.

Jack: Take that back.

Jack takes a swing and Xander ducks the enraged immortal.

Xander: Settle down Jack. I'm not going to steal him.

Jack stops mid-swing.

Xander: Still want to hit me?

Jack: What are you after?

Xander: Me? I'm really Mr. Non-Sinister here. I'm an innocent bystander in this edition of “Days of our Torchwood”. The kiss meant nothing to either of us.

Jack: You take me for an idiot.

Xander: Only when you're reasonably angry.

Jack: Go take care of Ianto.

Jack waved Xander away, his coat billowing in the harsh wind.

Xander: Gotta admit, he has a nice exit.

The chill continues easily into the next day, from the street where Xander drives due to Gwen's directions, only because Ianto was a bit too out of sorts. Even for himself. Xander drew up a plan of action while watching bad night time soaps. He called in a favor from an old room mate of Spike.

The black and green box sat near the dining couches, where they had all laughed not twenty-four hours earlier. The world was a lot grumpier place without Ianto's coffee, he sat huddled in his tourist office leafing blankly through magazines, or Jack's trademark charm. The fever spread to Owen, who felt the realities of the coldness deeper than he'd admit to.

Xander: (clapping his hands) Could I have Torchwood over here, as soon as possible?

Tosh: And what's all this, then?

Xander: I'm glad you asked, Tosh. This, this is magic.

Gwen: Magic? Looks like an X-Box to me.

Xander: Yes, I know it looks like an ordinary X-Box but this is not any ordinary X-Box! Nay, I say my non-believing female friend! This is a warmer X-Box. It also slices, dices, and makes julienne fries if you believe Ron Popeil!

Owen: What are you babbling about, oh king?

Xander: Man, you've got a vindictive sneer. (Xander shoves a controller in his direction.)

Tosh: Warmer X-Box? Maybe it needs a new refrigeration cooler unit.

Xander: Help me out here Gwen.

Gwen: Don't look at me. This is more Rhys department than my own.

Xander: Glad you could join us, Captain. Would you mind fetching Ianto?

Jack: He can do his own fetching.

Xander: Just take the controller, Captain Dramatic. (Jack shrugs and takes the offered device.)

Ianto: What is all this, then?

Xander: You'll find out.

Ianto: Oh no. Not another fun time with Xander. I'm still reeling from the last. (Jack and Ianto avoid brief glances at the other, each deciding which degree of anger would be best for the team.)

Xander: I promise this will be far less painful, possibly less fun.

Owen: Well, I'm reassured. Now, will someone please tell me what in the bloody hell of weevils is going on.

Xander: Only this. A little Call of Duty therapy.

Tosh: Call of Duty?

Owen: I've changed my mind. I like you.

Gwen: Men. Come on Tosh. Let's go to lunch.

Tosh: But...

Gwen: Trust me. This is the best thing for all parties concerned. We'll probably even have time for a bit of shopping.

Owen: What level are we starting on?

Jack: When did I suddenly lose control of this team?

Ianto: You sure I have coordination for this?

Xander: The buttons aren't that intimidating, are they?

Jack: Why am I in a bathtub?

Xander: That's your spawning point.

Ianto: I see you Owen.

Owen: That's not me.

Jack: Oi! You shot me Xander!

Xander: All's fair in love and Call of Duty.

Ianto: No thing's fair in love.

Jack: Well, you have to do something first.

Owen: Are we still talking about his hiding in the cemetery with his Gatling?

Xander: I've never been much for the Gatling myself. Prefer the luger. More accurate shot.

Owen: Jack, this is not Mardi Gras with smoke grenades!

Jack: I can't help it. Come out and play, Ianto. I won't hurt much.

Ianto: (snorts) That will be the day.

Jack: Oi! Where'd you come from?! A bayonet? You killed me with a bayonet?!

Ianto: Seemed like the rational thing to do.

Jack: Alright, that's it Ianto. It's war now.

Ianto: Promises, promises sir.

Owen: Do you ever feel like an innocent bystander in a private war?

Xander: No, considering I'm the one who made it happen.

Owen: Kind of makes you feel sorry for not going out with me last night. Oi! Ianto, that's me! I'm not playing American!

Xander: Sorry, Owen. My bad.

Jack: Let's play a different level. This bathtub thing is getting old.

Ianto: Only because I'm better than you, shooting three times and killing three times. What was that about the Gatling, Xander?

Xander: Don't look at me. I'm not going to stand in your way.

Jack: Fine, I get it. Stop going after me.

Ianto: I do believe you pursued me first.

Xander: Like I said, therapy.

Owen: Stop shooting the Doctor, or he's going to perch and shoot. Fair warning!

Jack: That doesn't give you any right to minimize the faith I had in you.

Ianto: Faith? That I was and would always be boring, old, reliable Ianto Jones? That I never got into any trouble and always wore a suit and tie?

Jack: Who ever said you were old?

Ianto: You just did. Xander, did I just see you run by?

Xander: Shh, I'm smoke bombing Owen.

Owen: Have I mentioned I hate this game?

Jack: I'll admit I underestimated you.

Ianto: Well, now I feel better.

Jack: And you want me to say what exactly?

Ianto: That we're all allowed to make mistakes.

Jack: Then I should take out that bid for sainthood I put in for you.

Ianto: That was me you shot by the way, Jack. I never applied for Sainthood. You couldn't figure that out after Lisa?

Jack: I wanted to trust you.

Ianto: No, you wanted me. And I wanted you to want me. There was a difference.

Owen: Ladies, stop bickering. Xander, stop hunting me.

Jack and Ianto: Stay out of it, Owen!

Owen: Not like I have much of a bloody choice.

Jack: So, what? I'm not allowed to be jealous of you cavorting with another handsome man?

Ianto: Funny, you didn't mind or offer to come along when he suggested it.

Jack: So, you're going to blame me for this situation?

Ianto: Not entirely. But if it weren't for Xander, I would have never felt as alive as last night.

Jack: Maybe we should put this all behind us.

Xander: No. Don't shut the blinds; it'll fester into a wound the size of the Rio Grande. Go up to the office and don't come out until you've talked this through. Thus sayeth the Call of Duty game master.

Jack: He has a point.

Ianto: You just can't bear being mad at the man who gives you free sex.

Xander: Now, that was a bit uncalled for. Owen! You snuck up behind me with a rifle?

Owen: Serves you right for starting the second Boston Tea Party in bloody Cardiff.

Jack: You thought this was all about the sex?

Ianto: And when have you said anything different or to the contrary?

Jack: I didn't think I had to say it!

Ianto: Well a boy bloody likes to hear it every once in a while!

Jack: Fine, then! I spied on you. You kissing Xander ripped my heart from it's very beating inside and danced on it like a flamenco dancer wearing a tuba. I don't want to lose you because I love you!

Ianto: You love me?

Xander: Are we still playing?

Owen: I'm winning.

Jack: I'd never lie about something like that.

Ianto: I never said you would. Those things I said last night...

Jack: Were all true. And I've been so blind. So utterly blind. Sometimes, being inebriated is the best way to give the truth.

Ianto: I never wanted it. Never wanted it to be like this.

Jack: Can we move past what we said?

Ianto: Let's try. Let's go up to the office and sort this whole mess through.

Jack and Ianto leave.

Xander: Thus saith the game master.

Xander goes to the coffee machine to fix himself another cup.

Owen: I beat you all! (He raises his fists in mock victory) Where'd everyone go?