Firstly, Welcome to taming the muse. It's a nice community, although it's not as interactive, at the moment, as it was at one time. This is to be a script for a film or a play? I can see that. You have presented a new world here that has a lot of potential. There is obviously a lot going on that is not yet explained. Yes, I can see these characters developing into a good story. I like the tension you've already created between humans and Marionettes and the potential internal conflict for the Marionettes, programmed to serve, when they choose to break away from their ordained roles. Nice. A word of advice, if you intend to sell this at some point, you need to at least keep it flocked. An original work that has been published on the web in an open forum will not usually be accepted by a publisher. Also, I would consider finding a good beta, to help you catch the typos and assist with polishing it. Good luck to you in your project. I think this world definitely has potential.
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Date: 2008-08-31 09:19 am (UTC)This is to be a script for a film or a play? I can see that. You have presented a new world here that has a lot of potential. There is obviously a lot going on that is not yet explained. Yes, I can see these characters developing into a good story. I like the tension you've already created between humans and Marionettes and the potential internal conflict for the Marionettes, programmed to serve, when they choose to break away from their ordained roles. Nice.
A word of advice, if you intend to sell this at some point, you need to at least keep it flocked. An original work that has been published on the web in an open forum will not usually be accepted by a publisher. Also, I would consider finding a good beta, to help you catch the typos and assist with polishing it. Good luck to you in your project. I think this world definitely has potential.