After not reading this piece for a few days, I think I'm with you. This is fine if it's acting as the intro to another chapter full of details, but as a stand-alone, it needs some punch. (Unless, like you, I feel the need to do some torturing. *smile*)
Thanks so much for the concrit. I really appreciate it and I'm glad you liked this snippet.
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Date: 2009-03-08 01:39 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for the concrit. I really appreciate it and I'm glad you liked this snippet.