Fic: The Miserable and The Abandoned, Giles/Ethan, Prompt #2 Mens Rea

[strickens-girl.livejournal.com]

This is my answer to the tamingthemuse challenge of "Mens Rea" or guilty mind. I have a lot of thoughts about this fic, since it stired something inside me.

I found it interesting, when I thought of this that Joss uses a lot of duality of characters in Buffy. There's Giles and Ripper. Angel and Angelus. Unsouled evil Spike and souled crazy Spike. Sweet Willow and evil vamp/dark magic Willow. Geeky Xander and hyena Xander. And so on. Ethan is one character that never changes. He is unrepentantly evil. He also seems awfully cheesed off at Giles for not being what he once was. I wondered why. So I came up with the idea that Ethan had once been a bright-eyed innocent that Ripper had made into a dark creature. The tie in with Frankenstein and his monster was easy after that.

I hope that makes sense. *g*

Title: The Miserable and The Abandoned
Prompt: #2 - Mens Rea
Pairing: Giles/Ethan
Rating: Mature/Adults Only
Spoilers: Buffy Season Two The Dark Age and Buffy Season Four A New Man
Warnings: Slash, dark!fic, bloodplay.
Author's Note: The title of this fic comes from a quote from Frankenstein by Mary Shelly, tucked away under the cut because it's big. Ripper and Ethan inspired by a manip by wickedfox under the cut as well.




Ethan/Giles manip by wickedfox.

"You, who call Frankenstein your friend, seem to have a knowledge of my crimes and his misfortunes. But in the detail which he gave you of them he could not sum up the hours and months of misery which I endured wasting in impotent passions. For while I destroyed his hopes, I did not satisfy my own desires. They were forever ardent and craving; still I desired love and fellowship, and I was still spurned. Was there no injustice in this? Am I to be thought the only criminal, when all mankind sinned against me? Why do you not hate Felix, who drove his friend from his door with contumely? Why do you not execrate the rustic who sought to destroy the saviour of his child? Nay, these are virtuous and immaculate beings! I, the miserable and the abandoned, am an abortion, to be spurned at, kicked at, and trampled on." - Frankenstein

The Miserable and the Abandoned

Rupert Giles sat in his empty apartment, staring into the half empty glass of scotch in his hand. It had been a long day but the former Watcher found that he couldn't sleep despite himself. His mind was preoccupied with thoughts of how he ended up here, like this.

His life had been less than stellar as of late. He had gone from being the Watcher of an obstinate, but brilliant Slayer, to a "man of leisure", as Willow liked to call him. Regardless of what he called himself, he was no longer what he once was.

Ethan had shown him that all too well tonight.

Giles snorted in laughter as he thought about the stunt the chaos mage had pulled. It was crazy, dangerous and mean-spirited...and completely Ethan Rayne.

Looking back, the former Watcher could easily see his mistake. Drinking with Ethan was never a safe proposition, even in the early days, but now, with a vendetta between them and the mage's nature, Giles should have known better than to accept anything that looked like generosity.

But he had. He had been pleasantly surprised to see Ethan, despite his fear that his friend was up to his old tricks. Being with Ethan, spending time talking and drinking was like old times, at least the good ones.

It was the open pint, or three, and the numerous shots that gave Ethan the opening he needed, Giles was sure of that. Easy enough for the mage to palm a potion and slip it into the drink for Giles. Ethan must have laughed myself silly thinking about how he had tricked his friend, how he was going to make him a monster.

It seemed fitting, knowing that Giles had done the very same thing himself a lifetime ago.

Rupert had been a strong willed, opinionated child, especially for a Giles. His life had been laid out for him before he'd even been born, but it was a life he didn't want. He was supposed to be a perfect child and a model student, with excellent marks and gleaming reputation. He'd go to university where he would do the same before moving on to the Watcher's Academy.

It was perfect.

Rupert hated it.

Rebellion was something the Giles family did not tolerate so it was exactly what Rupert did.

He became Ripper.

Ripper was loud and crass, concerned simply with his own pleasure. For most young adults, it was all about sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. For Ripper, it was sex, drugs and dark magic. Deidre, Phillip, Thomas; they were all willing to follow Ripper, do anything he suggested. Ripper always had the best drugs and fucked like a wild man, but the self imposed leader wanted something more, someone more.

Ethan was an easy target. Alastor Rayne had been an associate, one that Ripper tolerated, if not liked, before Ripper dropped out of university and the severe man's younger brother had idolized Ripper from the moment they met. Ethan had been in awe of the powerful figure the older boy made. Ripper's nineteen years to Ethan's sixteen was nearly irresistible.

Ethan had been thin and gangly, almost too awkward in his own body but his innocence called out to Ripper like a siren's song. He was attention hungry and love starved; aching for any bit of attention and nearly cooing at the slightest touch.

Just like Xander, a part of his brain supplied and Giles quickly stomped it back down to the far recesses of his mind.

At first, Ripper had spurned the young boy, telling him to shove off every chance he got, but Ethan always came back for more. He took every bit of attention Ripper gave him with pleasure, always begging for more.

His upbringing gave Ripper the knowledge of dark things; spells to give them power, pleasure, a high beyond anything a pill or liquid could give them.

They started small, experimenting with simple spells, Ethan always volunteering to go first to prove his loyalty and fearlessness. Looking back, Giles knew that Ethan's utter devotion and trust in him should have frightened him, but it only made Ripper want more.

And Ethan always gave him more.

Gave them his blood for a summoning spell.

Gave them his tears for a glamour spell.

Gave them his semen for a lust spell.

Allowed Ripper to drive into him for hours, held down by the others as Ripper carved runes into the skin of his back with an ancient Druid dagger to gain some ancient knowledge.

Ethan never complained even then, just sighing heavily as Ripper licked off the blood after pulling out of the boy's tender hole. Ripper had played with the healing marks for weeks, reopening them just to hear the sweet sounds the boy made.

It wasn't until they decided to summon Eyghon that the boy tried to defy him. Ethan was afraid, begged Ripper not to mark him, but Ripper had insisted. They needed five to perform the ritual and Ripper was not going to proceed without his boy.

He'd taken the mark, they all had, and they took the demon into themselves.

It had been horrifying, to have that evil inside you, telling you the awful things it had done, what it would do through you.

It was more than he could take and Ripper decided to walk away.

But Ethan refused to let him.

Ripper had made him what he was, took away the goodness he had once possessed and left behind a dark need that only the older boy could fill.

But he left anyway. Shedding the persona of Ripper like a snake would its old skin, but no longer able to be Rupert, he became Giles; upstanding citizen, respected student and, finally, dutiful Watcher.

But he'd left behind a broken soul, one that would never return from the darkness he'd exiled it to.

Giles downed the last of his Scotch, idly wondering why he was worrying about Ethan anyway. He had chosen his path and he was not Giles' responsibly any longer.

Mens Rea that annoying part of his mind supplied quietly. Guilt. Yes, there was guilt. Guilt that he had brought Ethan to that life, but there was more. He had used the boy, more than shown him the darkness, he had made him darkness. He wanted to corrupt, to change, to make Ethan like himself and more.

Like Frankenstein, Ripper made a monster and then abandoned his creation when it frightened him. It made him wonder who was the monster after all.

Giles stood, leaving his glass on the desk as he slowly made his way up the stairs to his loft. Absentmindedly, he scratched at the spot where Buffy had stabbed him. It hurt still but his heart hurt more.

He chuckled, thinking about the monster he became at Ethan's hands. Being a Fyarl demon had been freeing. The only thing he cared about death, pain and destruction. It was so familiar but it wasn't what he was anymore. He couldn't live that way. Not again.

It was as if Ethan wanted Giles to know what it felt like to be the monster, a slave to the urges given to it by its master.

As he slid between the cool sheets of his bed, Giles remembered the nights he'd spent with a sweet boy, before the evil had overtaken him. He missed it more than cared to know.

In the morning, he would find a way to release Ethan. For all the dark mage had done, he didn't deserve to be left in the hands of the Initiative. He would help him in honor of what they had once had, for what they had once been to each other.

He had given his creature life, the least he could do now was give him his freedom.

~~~~The End~~~~