Her Saving Grace, 5/?, Spike/Fred, R

[authoressnebula.livejournal.com]

Finally, the return of HSG! *is very happy*

And only FOUR entries for Osmosis besides mine! C'mon guys, pile them in already! Write! Osmosis! Feeeeeeel it....

Yes, I just had chocolate. Lemme alone.

Title: Her Saving Grace
Rating: R
Pairing: Spike/Fred, mentions slight Fred/Wesley
Spoilers: Angel S5
Chapter: Five of ?
Prompt: #23 - Osmosis for tamingthemuse
Warnings: Character death (not the permanent variety)
Summary: An accident one night changes Fred's entire world. Shunned by the people who should care the most, she turns to the one person who does care, and finds something beyond friendship.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Seriously. Not even my mind these days.

Word count: 2580

Previous parts here

Pretty behind the cut.





Pretty by spikeshunny; thank you so much sweetie!

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Chapter 5: Perks and Theories

Angel wasn't waiting at Spike's apartment as Fred had feared. Of course, since Angel didn't know exactly where Spike's place was, it made her scenario not very realistic at all, but it had still occupied her mind all the way back through the sewers.

It had looked as though Spike had been playing with a thought all the way back as well. He'd been silent, as if he were searching for something in the back of his mind, and she hadn't really thought that disturbing him was the way to go. She knew she didn't like to be disturbed when she was lost in thought.

He'd still held the door open for her like a gentleman, though, and had taken her box into the bedroom. She sat now on the sofa, waiting for him to return. Waiting for him to tell her...whatever it was he wanted to tell her.

He came back in a few moments later, and her gaze whipped up towards him. Everything was sharper now, and it felt...nice to be able to see without her glasses. She could read things now without having to use her glasses.

Of course, she could probably read a billboard a mile away on a clear night, but she was still warming up to that idea. It wasn't as scary as it had once been. Perk. That's what it was. A perk.

And whatever had Spike's lips set into that thin, firm line was a downside.

He sighed and took a seat across from her. “What are you thinking about?” she asked. The straight-forward approach was always best.

Spike gazed at her for a moment, before telling her softly, “I'm thinking about where to start, actually.”

“The beginning is usually the best place.”

They shared a small smile, before he sighed once more. “All right; the beginning. Happened in the 1700's. Young Liam was sired by Darla and became Angelus. Soulless, horrible creature. He'd been a drunkard in life, a raging, fighting one at that, one who had been abused by his father. Physically when he was younger, and verbally when Liam was big enough to punch back. Angelus wasn't a nice man. Makes me wonder if he got his own soul back or not.”

Fred frowned but listened. She didn't understand why they were starting with Angel's story, but Spike knew the answer to why Angel despised her now. The thought made her chest tighten painfully.

“Give or take a few years later, Drusilla was sired. Soft little nun in an order somewhere, sent there by her family and her own choosing for having the gift of sight. She was a seer, but didn't know it. They thought the Devil was playing tricks with her head, so off she went. Meek, mild, with a soft smile. Couldn't hurt a sparrow. Angelus played with her mind until she was a crazed and homicidal monster like him. Only then did he leave her alone.

“In 1880, I was sired,” Spike said, his voice still soft. “My father died when I was young, but he never took a belt to me. He adored me, wanted me to be a doctor like him. I received education far beyond what my class level should've received, thanks to the money left in my father's will. We weren't wealthy, my mother and I, but we were happy. I was happy. Up until the night I was turned, at any rate. Dru found me in an alley after I'd suffered a humiliation at a party, and she offered me exactly what I thought I wanted.”

Fred felt silly for doing it, but raised her hand to ask a question. “Yes?” Spike said, the smile on his lips showing his amusement.

“Um...I guess I don't get it. I mean, I know you're not finished, but I don't get any of the connections here that lead up to your answer, and without those, I'm not going to get it. If you understand that.”

Spike blinked a minute, before his mind processed what she was asking. “Oh. Right. Main point. Main point is basically this: the three of us were all different after we were turned. Angelus was a bastard from the start, Drusilla was nuts before she was sired so we'll never know, but I...I went about a week as a vampire before I was brought to meet Angelus. I didn't go out snackin' on the population because I wanted to; did it because I needed to. I still wrote poetry and loved my mother.”

“So...you were basically still you,” Fred said slowly.

Spike nodded. “When I met Angelus, he said I was too soft to be a vampire. That I had to let the beast out, feed it and nurture it. I hadn't really thought I'd had a beast. Yeah, my face would change, but I hadn't felt any different. But the potential was there, and he brought it out, made me hate people and him, made me...made me a monster,” he said quietly. “He took me and broke me to find the monster and bring it to the forefront.”

“That's what you thought he was going to do with me,” Fred said, starting to catch on. Angel had told her the same thing, about finding the beast and quelling some rage she was supposed to have.

“Sort of,” Spike said, breaking through the thoughts she'd had. “But you're helpin' support my other theory.”

“What other theory?”

“That your demon grows depending on your personality and the anger already within you. You don't get a load of anger and fury when you're turned just because you're a vampire. I think your demon's meant to compliment you,” Spike said simply.

Fred stared at him. “But...but the soul...”

“Helps permanently bring back your humanity, if you've can't find it yourself. I lived under Angelus' hand for a century, pet. That'll turn the sweetest person into a monster. I lost sight of the William part of me, of my humanity. I let the demon take control too many times, a demon that had basically been bred to fight and kill and enjoy it.”

“And your soul brought your humanity back,” she said.

“It definitely brought it back all the way, but...I think that bein' with Buffy and her crew in Sunnydale helped,” he admitted. “Made me a man. Made me want to be a man again. For her. That's what started it, I think.”

“What about Angel's curse?”

“Angel's demon grew from Liam's past, like I told you. And then livin' with Darla and the Master, who weren't exactly the best role models, and that's puttin' it lightly. Angelus completely shoved any part of his humanity that remained away: he embraced being a demonic bastard to the ultimate degree. That's why his soul was a curse; his humanity's been disgusted by what he's done through the years, while the demon just wants out again. It'll always be a battle for him, 'till he gets somethin' done about his soul permanently. But that's his choice.”

“Angel doesn't believe your theory,” she stated.

“If you were in his shoes, would you?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. “It means he's normally a horrible demon, and his humanity is too weak to fight it off properly. It's like breedin' a puppy: you kick it and beat it, it'll grow up to be a nasty thing. Spoil it and cherish it, and it'll love you and everyone around it. Demon's gotta be raised just like a child. It's how you raise it that determines the outcome.”

Fred leaned back in the sofa to think it over. Spike thankfully let her; she needed to think. It shouldn't have been that revolutionary idea: it was a simple theory that made perfect sense.

The ideas it challenged, however, had been accepted for millenia.

With the history of the vampires she knew, it made sense. She herself had been raised adoringly by her parents, respected by her classmates and professors, and cherished by Angel and his crew. Well, until recently, that was.

Harmony; what about Harmony? Yeah, okay, she could stand up for herself when she wanted to, and she'd tried to be evil. It just didn't suit her personality; she was a spoiled, silly, but fairly decent girl who had gotten turned. THAT fit with her personality much more.

It was a very interesting theory. Angel definitely didn't believe in it. He was still of the thought that vampire = instant badness, which meant they had to be dusted or saved.

Which was why he'd tried to 'help' her back at the law firm.

“I'm glad you punched him,” she said softly, glancing up at Spike again.

Spike slowly moved out of his chair to crouch in front of her. “There was no way I was letting him near you,” he said, reaching up to gently brush some of her hair from her face. “His demon probably saw you as 'too soft', and his logical assumption was that it was impossible for you to be soft, and that you were pretending. I was afraid he was going to take you and break you to get the rage he thought was there...”

“But he really would've ended up being the cause of the rage,” Fred said, and full realization clicked. “And then he probably would've tried to bring my soul back...”

“When you didn't need it to start with, and that battle inside of you...it's not somethin' I want you to ever have to feel,” he said. “It's a horrible thing. Not to mention the hours of breakin' he would've had to do to get that rage out of one of the gentlest souls I know,” he added, giving her a small, sad smile.

Fred reached down to hug him, ignoring the awkward angle she was putting herself at. Spike wrapped his arms around her, tenderly stroking her back.

Twice now he'd saved her. Three times, if she was going to count the insurance, and there would probably be even more times in the future where he'd save her. She hadn't asked him to save her, but he had. He cared about her, about what was happening to her, about how she felt and how she ate and slept and lived. Well, unlived, but still. She was existing, and she was doing things, both because of him.

Angel's behavior still hurt. The others...they'd followed Angel, as she once had. But Spike's words and explanation had made it more logical, less emotional. It was a mentality sort of thing. Angel still liked Fred; he just thought she was now what a vampire was supposed to be. It had nothing to do with Fred herself: it had to do with the mindset, the rules that were in place.

It was a comfort, and she was clinging to it.

Spike gently squeezed her arms. “Let's go see about gettin' you somethin' to eat,” he said, helping her stand. “There's a good butcher's not far from here; we'll stop in and grab some of the good stuff. And a bank two stores down, which'll mean we can quickly fix both of the things we need to do.”

“Is that near anywhere like...say...Taco Bell?” she asked, giving him a small smile. Spike raised his eyebrow at her. “Because it sounds really good right now.”

Spike slowly began to chuckle. “Yeah, we'll grab some tacos on the way back. Get you a Pepsi to wash it all down with.”

Her smile felt more genuine this time as they headed for the door.

The next morning found Fred at the kitchen table, her head laying ear to tabletop. Well, ear to big folder of the papers from the bank, but it was flat, and she'd rather rest on it than read it.

Spike came in just then, ringing out his ears from his shower. His hair was still wet, and sticking up in a bazillion different directions, and she thought it was adorable. Even more so when he titled his head and raised his eyebrows at her. “Problem, pet?” he asked, giving her that amused grin that only she seemed to get.

“Nope,” she replied.

The grin merely widened. “So...this has nothin' to do with the wide eyes you had when I went into the shower and you said you'd read through all the papers about transferin' your funds to my account and then closin' your account?”

“Well, reading through the papers didn't work,” she explained, smiling suddenly as a memory came to mind. “I'm trying osmosis now.”

Spike blinked, puzzled. “Osmosis?”

“You know, seeing if the text will just flow into my head. Osmosis.”

He stared at her for a moment, before he broke out laughing. She'd never really heard him laugh before. He sounded good laughing; she was going to make sure he did more of it.

“Has this worked before for you?” he asked, still snickering.

“Not exactly,” she said, pulling her head up to explain. “It was during my physics class, and he was going on about something that didn't really catch my attention. So I laid my head down on the book, and when he caught me like that, he asked me what I was doing. So I explained that I was practicing osmosis, by hoping the higher density of the book would go to the lower density of my brain. I still got a look, but he laughed with the rest of the class.”

“A professor laughing is always a good thing,” Spike mused, taking a seat next to her and grabbing the folder. “You make any headway the old fashioned way? Or did your trick work?”

“Nope; I got nothing except a sore ear,” she said, sighing and opening the folder to inspect it. “And sore eyes; NOW I remember why I wanted to try osmosis...”

Even Spike winced at the vocabulary. “Bunch of rubbish; could say the same thing in a lot less words,” he said, before sighing. “Should at least see what we're signin' over to their security, right?”

“From what the woman said, there should be nothing registered with Wolfram and Hart whatsoever, about the transfer or the closing. And if Angel does come looking to cancel my account, he'll found it's already been done.”

“And these papers'll give the bank permission to move all of your funds over to mine,” Spike said. “Technically, I think we only have to sign a few times, like right here.”

Fred held her hand out for the pen, which Spike was expertly twirling between his fingers. She wondered if she could do cool things like that. Another perk, perhaps.

“Sure you want to so readily hand over your fortune to me?” he teased. “Could take it and run with it to Bermuda or somethin', you know.”

“You wouldn't,” she said, smiling at him. “And yes, I do want to readily hand it over; I trust you, Spike.”

He gazed at her for a moment, unhidden surprise in his eyes. Then, a warm, gentle smile moved his lips up, and she could've sworn he had dimples.

He placed the pen in her hand for her to sign the papers, and she turned with a grin to the single line in front of her. Another perk to being a vampire, then. She got to really see Spike smile like that.

Probably the best perk she'd come up with so far.

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AN: The little tidbit of Fred in class is actually a true story, except it was my mother in her physics class who did it, and wasn't enjoying it as much as the professor thought she should be. ~_^

~Nebula

Comments

[lilithbint.livejournal.com]

Awwww...
this was so adorable and I love Spike's explanation of vampirehood!

[authoressnebula.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I'm really glad that came across as believable. ^_^ I've had it built in my mind so much, but I was afraid I wouldn't be able to express it right to you guys.

~Nebula