Prompt 156 - Sorrow - Job Done - spikesdeb - BtVS

[spikesdeb.livejournal.com]

AUTHOR : spikesdeb
TITLE : Job Done
PROMPT : #156 Sorrow
RATING : G
CHARACTERS : Giles
AUTHOR'S NOTE : Set post The Gift. Giles is musing on his life and his purpose now that his Slayer is gone. It's Day 147...Thanks to seductivembrace for ironing out my boo-boos.
WORD COUNT : 722
DISCLAIMER : I own nothing and owe humble thanks to Joss et al for inspiring my words.

JOB DONE

It wasn't the first time he'd felt like this. It certainly wouldn't be the last. But it was the first time he'd felt responsible for the death that was the cause of his sorrow. All of his adult life he'd known that this time would come, had prepared for it and read volumes held at the Watchers' Council reflecting on other endings. Nobody could have prepared him for the cold, harsh emptiness that now sucked at his soul. The Watchers' Diaries had listed the mechanics of each slayer's death in infinite detail from the girls' ages, what weapons were used, the knowledge they'd had of their eventual killers; their burials. Cold and impersonal. Not a hint of remorse or regret for the death of a girl with the weight of the world on her shoulders.

Giles thought he finally understood why. There were no words adequate to describe the loss that ate at his gut and called to him to curl into a ball and retreat from the world to avoid the pain. He'd yet to record his own account of his slayer's – of Buffy's – death. He wondered if he would ever be able to. He couldn't look at Dawn. The heated exchange he'd had with Buffy when Dawn was held captive by Glory kept running through his mind unbidden. Buffy had told him that if it came to it she wouldn't let Dawn be killed.

It had come to it. And the last thing she did, as she promised, was save Dawn.

Giles fought the feelings that bubbled inside him, but it was hard. Dawn was a complete wreck, sobbing and not eating, turning to him for comfort that he couldn't give. He tried to be rational and not blame her, but he did. He blamed her. Blamed her for being the cuckoo in the nest, blamed her for being closer to Buffy than he ever could be, blamed her for being Glory's target and for not being able to protect herself. If she was, truly, made of Buffy, was it too much to expect for her to inherit some of Buffy's abilities?

Giles abhorred the bitter turn of his thoughts and shook them off. His mother always said that there was no point crying over spilt milk. Idly, he wondered what she might say of spilt blood. He chuckled mirthlessly.

Life went on because it had to. Buffy had said so herself, to Dawn. 'The hardest thing in this world is to live in it.' So very, very true. He'd known he loved Buffy, infuriating as she could be at times, but he hadn't realised how much losing her would hurt.

It hurt so much he couldn't be around the rest of them any more. Giles fingered the open-dated ticket he'd bought, one way, to England. He hadn't told them yet, didn't intend to. He'd leave a note in the Magic Box just so that they wouldn't think that he'd been abducted by demons or some such and attempt a foolhardy rescue attempt. By the time they got the message he'd be back on home soil and distancing himself from Sunnydale in more ways than one. And the Watchers' Council? He hadn't decided yet what to do. It was traditional for a retiring watcher – how quaint, to call it retiring when it really meant failed – to pass on their knowledge in lectures and texts, but the thought of it made him nauseous. Going over her death again and again, repeating it so often that it seemed commonplace, was something he just wouldn't do. If that's what they wanted from him, he'd resign. Travers would be delighted, no doubt, to be rid of him.

As time ticked on, Giles came to a decision. Today. He'd go today. No point dragging it out any longer. Wasn't as if Buffy would ever be coming back and he'd been packed for weeks. He wasn't taking much, intending to send for the rest once he'd got settled. Finishing off the tepid tea that had occupied him on and off for the last hour, he stood and patted down his pockets to ensure he had the keys to the Magic Box so that he could leave his message and be on his way.

After all, what use was a Watcher without a Slayer to watch?

Comments

[juliet316]

*sniffles* Poor Giles.

[spikesdeb.livejournal.com]

I know! I don't suppose there are any upbeat stories this week. Stoic he may be but I can't imagine how he felt at that time. Thanks for commenting :)

[vikingprincess]

heartbreaking

[spikesdeb.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I think it did break him, and he was so close to getting her back and didn't know it.