[identity profile] slaymesoftly.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] tamingthemuse
Okay, prompt machine, can I just say WTF????
Having got that off my chest,
Title: Monster Go Boom (Hatred is by far the longer pleasure)
Author: Slaymesoftly
Words: 890+
Sometimes antiques just aren't the way to go



Monster Go Boom

Spike walked into Illyria's room and came face to face with what looked like a large, tooth-filled, blue mouth encircled with waving tentacles dotted with vicious looking hooks. "Whoa! Blue? Where are you? What have you done with her, you ugly—"

Illyria's voice rasped out of the gaping mouth.

"This is me, half-breed. One of my many forms."

"Can I just go on record as saying I much prefer the sexy blue girl-shaped form? Feel free to go back to that any second now." He edged his way past the dangerous-looking tentacles and sat on the couch, trying his best to appear undisturbed by the beast filling up the rest of the room.

"You fear me in this body," she said, rolling one large eye at him.

"I'm not sure I'd call it 'fear' exactly... Bloody hell!" he exploded when he was suddenly snatched up and bashed into the ceiling. "Fine, your ugliness, I fear you. Can I get down now?"

She unceremoniously let go, allowing him to fall to the floor and crawl back to the couch.

"I have received word that an old enemy is trying to surface. It is necessary that I be in a form that can deal with this intrusion."

"You have enemies? I'm shocked."

"You make a joke. I do not find it amusing."

"Big surprise there," he grumbled, avoided the tentacle she'd waved in his direction. "So, where to we find this old enemy that requires you to look like a bloated octopus ... with teeth?"

"We?" Her voice dripped contempt. "This is far beyond your meager capabilities. I will be dealing with my old enemy myself. It is time to show him now that hatred is by far the longer pleasure. When I have made it clear that I have not forgotten his transgressions, and have reduced him to a mewling pile of flesh, it is possible that I will permit you to practice your feeble skills."

"Fine, your royal blueness. Do I get to watch, then?"

"You may watch. From a distance."



Several hours later, when Illyria was still being tossed around by an even uglier and larger bright orange creature having more tentacles and an open, tooth-filled maw from which came fetid breath, Spike shook his head and jumped in the Viper to drive back to Wolfram and Hart. He ignored the sputtering threats to eviscerate him coming from the bloodied blue monster fighting for her life, racing to the Wolfram and Hart armory and emerging with what he'd been seeking.

He returned to find Illyria crouched behind a rock, mourning the loss of one of her tentacles. When she saw Spike, she straightened up and pretended to be plotting her strategy.

"How's it goin', Blue?" Spike asked innocently, as he opened the trunk of the car.

"You would not understand," she sniffed, moving back to where the other demi-god was jumping up and down as it waited for her to resume the battle. "This is a dispute between gods; it has been going on longer than your puny species can imagine. This time, I will destroy my enemy for all time."

"Uh huh," he agreed, narrowing his eyes as she walked out only to be grabbed and dragged toward the gaping mouth of her opponent. "You sure you don't want any help?"

"I've told you," she gasped, struggling to remain out of the creature's mouth, "this is beyond your feeble skills. You will only be seriously damaged should you try to fight the O'gracken. It is an ancient evil, much older humans or the half-breeds that prey upon them. It requires something equally—" She paused to bite off one of her opponent's tentacles, gaining a few precious seconds of freedom. During which Spike raised his new acquisition to his shoulder and fired it, blowing the other monster into small orange pieces of flesh that began to dissolve one at a time.

There was an ominous silence after the loud explosion. Spike did not look at Illyria as he put the giant gun back in the trunk of the viper; he just shrugged.

"Guess you didn't have rocket launchers back in the day," he said, closing the trunk and leaning against the door. "Now, are you going to change into something that will fit into the front seat, or are you going to slither home on your own?"

He watched out of the corner of his eye as she pulsed from blue to purple to deep red and back to blue again. He let out a sigh of relief when she stopped pulsing and shimmied back into her human "shell". She limped to the car and got in, still not speaking to Spike as he drove them back to the Wolfram and Hart office building.

When she allowed herself to accept his offer of an arm to lean on while she made her way back to her room, he got his first sense of how seriously injured she was and how close she might have come to losing the battle. They paused at the entrance to her room and she took a deep breath. "You did well," she said grudgingly. "You were useful today." Before he could compose his sarcastic reply, she faded into Fred's sweet face and leaned in to kiss his cheek. "Thank you, Spike."

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