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tamingthemuseTitle: Just Take Your Blame
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
defy_n_gravity
Prompt:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
tamingthemuse 2.15: “As for those who disbelieved, their deeds are like a mirage in a desert.”
Characters: Derek Morgan/Emily Prentiss; Jennifer Jareau
Rating: T
Words: 1284
Disclaimer: I have no claim on Criminal Minds or any of it's characters.
Warning: n/a
Author's Notes: Post 5x19 - A Rite Of Passage. Follows "And Nobody Knows It"
Summary: They still have to work together, and it's not so easy for Emily.
It had been hard enough being around him lately and pretending everything was okay, but him being an idiot once again was enough for Prentiss. She should have bit her tongue but she went off on him after he shot at the unsup through the windshield. At least she had a reason then to be upset with him. It helped when they were back at the station packing up and JJ stopped her.
“You okay?”
“Just fine,” Emily said shortly, slamming a box down. Then she sighed. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you.”
“It's okay. I heard what happened out there. How's your ear?”
Derek was walking by at that and Emily glanced up at him. “I might be able to hear out of it in a week or so,” she said. He met her eyes and shook his head, then walked off.
“Come on, let's go home,” JJ said. She placed a hand on her friends back.
“Sounds good,” Emily nodded.
Everyone was outside shaking hands and saying goodbye. There were a couple cars there to be driven to the airport where they could catch their jet, and Emily went towards one. She really wanted to be alone for awhile before boarding. She didn't get her wish though, because as soon as she got into the driver's seat Derek jumped into the seat beside her.
“Get out,” she said in a quiet but harsh tone.
“No. They're already taking off. Told Hotch I needed to apologize.” He put his seat belt on and turned to look at her. “I'm sorry, Emily.”
“For blowing my ear out or for dumping me for no reason?” She put the car into drive and peeled out of the lot. Derek grabbed onto the hand bar above his window.
“Shit, girl. Sorry! I said I was sorry!”
She raised a brow. “Worried I'm going to kill you?”
“Yeah, a little.” His eyes were wide as he watched her weave through traffic.
“Hell,” she muttered. She slowed down.
“Thank you,” he said as he caught his breath.
“I don't want to talk.”
“And I don't want you to keep on hating me,” he argued.
“It's too late for that.”
“No it's not.” He leaned closer to her over the center console. “If you really hated me you wouldn't be this angry. Those emotions come from somewhere.”
She rolled her eyes and took a quick turn into a parking lot, throwing the car into part. She turned to him. “Don't profile me, Derek. Don't even pretend you know what I'm feeling.”
“But I do,” he nodded. He didn't look away from her. “You're feeling a lot of what I'm feeling.”
“And what's that?” She kept her eyes level on his, but didn't let him have any emotion.
He watched her quietly for a moment before he spoke, and his words were gentle. “I miss you. Being around you every day hurts.” As he spoke her gaze went softer on him. “Every time I look at you I want to...”
“What?” She asked after several beats of silence, and he cut her off by leaning in and kissing her. A sound of slight surprise slipped from her throat and for a moment she touched his cheek as she kissed him back. It was only a moment though, because then she was pushing him off. “No. You can't...you can't do this!” She pulled away in her seat wanting to put as much space between them as she could.
“I can't help it.”
“You broke up with me, Derek. Whatever it was wasn't enough for you, so you made up excuses and ended it. You don't get to just...” She shook her head and went silent as his cell phone went off.
“Morgan,” he answered it. “Yeah, sorry we got caught up behind some traffic. We'll be there.” He disconnected and looked down at his hands.
“You don't get to turn me into a toy,” she finished.
“Do you know how hard you make it to get close to you?” He kept his eyes on his lap.
“So you're going to blame me now?”
“No. I'm... The only place we would've gotten was me with a broken heart,” he said.
“Better me than you?”
“I didn't think it'd break your heart. I thought...it meant more to me than it did to you. I thought any guy could have you and not have to hide you, and one day you'd jump on that. I thought...it was only a matter of time 'til you jumped ship.”
She had to let those words sink in for awhile. She stared out her window so he could only see the back of her head, not the tears in her eyes. She had to get a grip. She breathed in and out and held it all in. “God, you make me sound like a coldhearted bitch.”
“That's not what I meant.”
“Was telling you I loved you not enough? Was being beside you every night not enough? What? Because we can't be public and because...I may not always be the most emotional person...did that make me any less committed to you?”
“I couldn't ever tell.”
“Then that's on you.” She turned and looked at him, and she didn't care what he saw in her eyes. “What did you need from me that I wasn't giving you?”
“You were everything I needed. Need,” he corrected.
“You've got a funny way of showing it.”
“I'm scared. I'm scared of me not being enough, and I'm scared that the job will always be against us having something lasting. I'm scared that...if we were out in the open...I'd ask you to move in and you'd say no.”
“I guess we won't know,” she said. “You didn't give us that chance.”
“I'm sorry. I made a mistake.”
“You did,” she nodded. “Can we go now?”
“Will you come over when we get back? We can finish sorting this out.” He reached out to touch her face, but she pulled away.
“We're already finished,” she said coldly. She turned the car back on and stared forward. “Ready?”
“Yeah...sure,” he said in a whisper, turning to stare out his window.
She started the drive the rest of the way to the airport, her heart burning. Somehow she was hurt even more after that conversation, and nothing he had said made her willing to fix things. He'd already broken it and she wasn't sure she could trust him not to do it again. There was a reason she kept everything close to herself.
As they pulled into the airport parking lot she tucked her hair behind her ear. “I appreciate you telling me the real reason for doing what you did...but it's not enough. You're supposed to have more faith in me than that. You tell me how much you want it to work, and that you love me, but your actions go against that.” She parked the car and sat there a moment, still staring forward. The jet was in sight and she knew everyone was sitting in there waiting on them. “I do love you, Derek,” her words came carefully, “but I don't feel safe with you anymore. I did.” She looked at him and he met her eyes. “You had me. You had one hundred percent of me. Now you don't and...that's on you.”
She got out of the car and slammed the door shut, then started to walk away. He watched her go and dropped his head into one of his hands. He needed a minute. He needed a moment of heartache to himself before he had to get on that jet and pretend like he was happy as always.
Author:
defy_n_gravityPrompt:
tamingthemuse 2.15: “As for those who disbelieved, their deeds are like a mirage in a desert.” Characters: Derek Morgan/Emily Prentiss; Jennifer Jareau
Rating: T
Words: 1284
Disclaimer: I have no claim on Criminal Minds or any of it's characters.
Warning: n/a
Author's Notes: Post 5x19 - A Rite Of Passage. Follows "And Nobody Knows It"
Summary: They still have to work together, and it's not so easy for Emily.
It had been hard enough being around him lately and pretending everything was okay, but him being an idiot once again was enough for Prentiss. She should have bit her tongue but she went off on him after he shot at the unsup through the windshield. At least she had a reason then to be upset with him. It helped when they were back at the station packing up and JJ stopped her.
“You okay?”
“Just fine,” Emily said shortly, slamming a box down. Then she sighed. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you.”
“It's okay. I heard what happened out there. How's your ear?”
Derek was walking by at that and Emily glanced up at him. “I might be able to hear out of it in a week or so,” she said. He met her eyes and shook his head, then walked off.
“Come on, let's go home,” JJ said. She placed a hand on her friends back.
“Sounds good,” Emily nodded.
Everyone was outside shaking hands and saying goodbye. There were a couple cars there to be driven to the airport where they could catch their jet, and Emily went towards one. She really wanted to be alone for awhile before boarding. She didn't get her wish though, because as soon as she got into the driver's seat Derek jumped into the seat beside her.
“Get out,” she said in a quiet but harsh tone.
“No. They're already taking off. Told Hotch I needed to apologize.” He put his seat belt on and turned to look at her. “I'm sorry, Emily.”
“For blowing my ear out or for dumping me for no reason?” She put the car into drive and peeled out of the lot. Derek grabbed onto the hand bar above his window.
“Shit, girl. Sorry! I said I was sorry!”
She raised a brow. “Worried I'm going to kill you?”
“Yeah, a little.” His eyes were wide as he watched her weave through traffic.
“Hell,” she muttered. She slowed down.
“Thank you,” he said as he caught his breath.
“I don't want to talk.”
“And I don't want you to keep on hating me,” he argued.
“It's too late for that.”
“No it's not.” He leaned closer to her over the center console. “If you really hated me you wouldn't be this angry. Those emotions come from somewhere.”
She rolled her eyes and took a quick turn into a parking lot, throwing the car into part. She turned to him. “Don't profile me, Derek. Don't even pretend you know what I'm feeling.”
“But I do,” he nodded. He didn't look away from her. “You're feeling a lot of what I'm feeling.”
“And what's that?” She kept her eyes level on his, but didn't let him have any emotion.
He watched her quietly for a moment before he spoke, and his words were gentle. “I miss you. Being around you every day hurts.” As he spoke her gaze went softer on him. “Every time I look at you I want to...”
“What?” She asked after several beats of silence, and he cut her off by leaning in and kissing her. A sound of slight surprise slipped from her throat and for a moment she touched his cheek as she kissed him back. It was only a moment though, because then she was pushing him off. “No. You can't...you can't do this!” She pulled away in her seat wanting to put as much space between them as she could.
“I can't help it.”
“You broke up with me, Derek. Whatever it was wasn't enough for you, so you made up excuses and ended it. You don't get to just...” She shook her head and went silent as his cell phone went off.
“Morgan,” he answered it. “Yeah, sorry we got caught up behind some traffic. We'll be there.” He disconnected and looked down at his hands.
“You don't get to turn me into a toy,” she finished.
“Do you know how hard you make it to get close to you?” He kept his eyes on his lap.
“So you're going to blame me now?”
“No. I'm... The only place we would've gotten was me with a broken heart,” he said.
“Better me than you?”
“I didn't think it'd break your heart. I thought...it meant more to me than it did to you. I thought any guy could have you and not have to hide you, and one day you'd jump on that. I thought...it was only a matter of time 'til you jumped ship.”
She had to let those words sink in for awhile. She stared out her window so he could only see the back of her head, not the tears in her eyes. She had to get a grip. She breathed in and out and held it all in. “God, you make me sound like a coldhearted bitch.”
“That's not what I meant.”
“Was telling you I loved you not enough? Was being beside you every night not enough? What? Because we can't be public and because...I may not always be the most emotional person...did that make me any less committed to you?”
“I couldn't ever tell.”
“Then that's on you.” She turned and looked at him, and she didn't care what he saw in her eyes. “What did you need from me that I wasn't giving you?”
“You were everything I needed. Need,” he corrected.
“You've got a funny way of showing it.”
“I'm scared. I'm scared of me not being enough, and I'm scared that the job will always be against us having something lasting. I'm scared that...if we were out in the open...I'd ask you to move in and you'd say no.”
“I guess we won't know,” she said. “You didn't give us that chance.”
“I'm sorry. I made a mistake.”
“You did,” she nodded. “Can we go now?”
“Will you come over when we get back? We can finish sorting this out.” He reached out to touch her face, but she pulled away.
“We're already finished,” she said coldly. She turned the car back on and stared forward. “Ready?”
“Yeah...sure,” he said in a whisper, turning to stare out his window.
She started the drive the rest of the way to the airport, her heart burning. Somehow she was hurt even more after that conversation, and nothing he had said made her willing to fix things. He'd already broken it and she wasn't sure she could trust him not to do it again. There was a reason she kept everything close to herself.
As they pulled into the airport parking lot she tucked her hair behind her ear. “I appreciate you telling me the real reason for doing what you did...but it's not enough. You're supposed to have more faith in me than that. You tell me how much you want it to work, and that you love me, but your actions go against that.” She parked the car and sat there a moment, still staring forward. The jet was in sight and she knew everyone was sitting in there waiting on them. “I do love you, Derek,” her words came carefully, “but I don't feel safe with you anymore. I did.” She looked at him and he met her eyes. “You had me. You had one hundred percent of me. Now you don't and...that's on you.”
She got out of the car and slammed the door shut, then started to walk away. He watched her go and dropped his head into one of his hands. He needed a minute. He needed a moment of heartache to himself before he had to get on that jet and pretend like he was happy as always.
