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tamingthemuseTitle: Loner
Fandom: Original (based on the Arthurian Legends)
Prompt: #280 - Thousand
Warnings: Reincarnation theme. Not as reread as I would have liked.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: The Arthurian Legends are in the public domain. I make no reference to any copyrighted work. So all is mine.
Beta: None, so any mistakes you see are mine.
Summary: Another thousand years of loneliness..
The world was on the verge to celebrate another thousand years gone by and Mordred was lying flat on his back upon his bed. He was staring at the ceiling, listening to the noises of the parties going on everywhere around him. There were his neighbours and their friends, random people in the street below and he suspected there even were people on the rooftop of the building. All around him people were celebrating the end of an era and the beginning of a new one full of promises and hopes. But Mordred didn't join in any of those celebrations. For him it was just another thousand years gone by, another thousand years through which he had had to live again and again not knowing why, not understanding what was the purpose of this slow torture. In all of his lives he had seemed to be a failure, never attaining anything or reaching anything. He had made some discoveries, he had achieved a few things but never one of his lives had ever been complete. There had always been something missing and he had never been able to reach people, to have normal relationships with them. Always he had led them away from him, sheltered himself in his own world, in his own mind, pushing everyone out. Another thousand years of loneliness.
He was used to being alone and lonely by now. He even liked the seclusion from time to time and enjoyed the peace and quiet it brought him. But in truth he would preferred to have some people around him, some people to love him and whom he could love back without any restraint or fears. But he wasn't sure how to do that, he wasn't even sure how to find such people. He didn't want anything to do with any of the others from his first life. He had no one waiting for him from that time. He had been hated, feared, admired by some even but he hadn't had any true friend, any true family. He had been a loner from the start. And right at at this second Mordred was tired of being a loner. He was tired of having no one for him, no one who he could go to for anything.
He had thought multiple times of ending his own life. After all, if he was dead he wouldn't be able to think, wouldn't be able to be alone because he would be only dust. But then he had always realized that ending his life would only probably mean being reincarnated sooner and so being alone sooner. And he couldn't just keep on killing himself for a few brief moments of blissful nothingness he wouldn't even be able to remember. So he just lived on, going through the motion of his days in an endless routine he was hoping would end sooner than later.
Mordred closed his eyes and listened intently on the sounds all around him. He couldn't make out the voices from the music. It was all a blur of sound, a mass of noise that made no sense but if he focused hard enough on them they were able to block all thoughts from his brain. As if the noise was so strong it could invade all of his brain and stop his thought process.
He moved back on his side, curled up on himself and just lay there silently, his eyes closed, his attention focused on the noise and one wish on his mind.
Please make me fall asleep while I cant' think. Offer me a night of nothingness, a night of rest without nightmare. Just this once to give me the strength to go on for another thousand years.
Fandom: Original (based on the Arthurian Legends)
Prompt: #280 - Thousand
Warnings: Reincarnation theme. Not as reread as I would have liked.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: The Arthurian Legends are in the public domain. I make no reference to any copyrighted work. So all is mine.
Beta: None, so any mistakes you see are mine.
Summary: Another thousand years of loneliness..
The world was on the verge to celebrate another thousand years gone by and Mordred was lying flat on his back upon his bed. He was staring at the ceiling, listening to the noises of the parties going on everywhere around him. There were his neighbours and their friends, random people in the street below and he suspected there even were people on the rooftop of the building. All around him people were celebrating the end of an era and the beginning of a new one full of promises and hopes. But Mordred didn't join in any of those celebrations. For him it was just another thousand years gone by, another thousand years through which he had had to live again and again not knowing why, not understanding what was the purpose of this slow torture. In all of his lives he had seemed to be a failure, never attaining anything or reaching anything. He had made some discoveries, he had achieved a few things but never one of his lives had ever been complete. There had always been something missing and he had never been able to reach people, to have normal relationships with them. Always he had led them away from him, sheltered himself in his own world, in his own mind, pushing everyone out. Another thousand years of loneliness.
He was used to being alone and lonely by now. He even liked the seclusion from time to time and enjoyed the peace and quiet it brought him. But in truth he would preferred to have some people around him, some people to love him and whom he could love back without any restraint or fears. But he wasn't sure how to do that, he wasn't even sure how to find such people. He didn't want anything to do with any of the others from his first life. He had no one waiting for him from that time. He had been hated, feared, admired by some even but he hadn't had any true friend, any true family. He had been a loner from the start. And right at at this second Mordred was tired of being a loner. He was tired of having no one for him, no one who he could go to for anything.
He had thought multiple times of ending his own life. After all, if he was dead he wouldn't be able to think, wouldn't be able to be alone because he would be only dust. But then he had always realized that ending his life would only probably mean being reincarnated sooner and so being alone sooner. And he couldn't just keep on killing himself for a few brief moments of blissful nothingness he wouldn't even be able to remember. So he just lived on, going through the motion of his days in an endless routine he was hoping would end sooner than later.
Mordred closed his eyes and listened intently on the sounds all around him. He couldn't make out the voices from the music. It was all a blur of sound, a mass of noise that made no sense but if he focused hard enough on them they were able to block all thoughts from his brain. As if the noise was so strong it could invade all of his brain and stop his thought process.
He moved back on his side, curled up on himself and just lay there silently, his eyes closed, his attention focused on the noise and one wish on his mind.
Please make me fall asleep while I cant' think. Offer me a night of nothingness, a night of rest without nightmare. Just this once to give me the strength to go on for another thousand years.
