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tamingthemuseTitle:To live
Fandom: Original (based on the Arthurian Legends)
Prompt: #287 - Surely the bitterness of death is at hand
Warnings: Reincarnation theme.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: The Arthurian Legends are in the public domain. I make no reference to any copyrighted work. So all is mine.
Beta: None, so any mistakes you see are mine.
Summary: Sometimes when death was at hand he would smile.
Sometimes when death was at hand he would smile. It would be a welcome break from life, a moment in which he would be nothing, would be forgotten and wouldn't even exist outside of stories and legends. He would be what he was meant to be: words, a character.
Sometimes when death was at hand he would curled up in a fetal position and close his eyes tight. It would be pointless of dying because it would never be the end. It would give him a break but he would come back and remember. He would be alive again too soon and he wouldn't remember the blissfulness of being dead, of not existing. He would only feel pain once again.
This time he didn't want to have to face death. This time he wanted his life to stretch as far as possible. He needed the time to find his father and make amends. He needed time to forgive himself and learn to live properly without repeating past mistakes or plunged in guilt. This time he needed things to be different and death wouldn't be welcomed until the very end, wouldn't be sought.
Mordred absently sipped his smoothie, staring into space.
"I don't want to die."
"What?"
Kay had been watching television and hadn't paid attention to Mordred who had chosen to read but was obviously not paying any attention to the book on his laps.
Kay's strong voice brought him back to reality and he realized what he had just said. He hadn't meant to speak aloud.
"Nothing. I was just thinking."
"About death?"
Kay switched his full attention to the young man. Thinking about death couldn't be good, not in his case.
Mordred simply shrugged, wanting to dismiss the subject but before he could try and change the talk Kay spoke again.
"Come on, you want me to trust you and suddenly you speak of death."
His voice was slightly threatening. Mordred stared at him, trying to decide what to do. He wanted to defy Kay and not to submit to him, but then again he had been the one to ask for help. He sighed. Being good was difficult.
"I was thinking about death yes," he admitted a little more sharply than necessary. And before Kay could comment he added. "But not about killing."
He stared at his old companion a little harder to emphasize his point. He wanted the other man to read into his eyes and see he was telling the truth. Though he wasn't sure the older man would ever trust his face, his gaze. He had been such an expert liar before.
"I was thinking I don't want to die. Not in this lifetime. I want to find him first, be forgiven, and learn to live."
Mordred tore his gaze away. There he had said it again. He hated having to say those words. It made him feel weak, stupid and childish.
"Good," answered Kay and he shifted in the sofa, repositioning himself to resume watching the television.
A shadow of a smile had appeared on his lips. Kay was believing him. Everything was starting to change.
Fandom: Original (based on the Arthurian Legends)
Prompt: #287 - Surely the bitterness of death is at hand
Warnings: Reincarnation theme.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: The Arthurian Legends are in the public domain. I make no reference to any copyrighted work. So all is mine.
Beta: None, so any mistakes you see are mine.
Summary: Sometimes when death was at hand he would smile.
Sometimes when death was at hand he would smile. It would be a welcome break from life, a moment in which he would be nothing, would be forgotten and wouldn't even exist outside of stories and legends. He would be what he was meant to be: words, a character.
Sometimes when death was at hand he would curled up in a fetal position and close his eyes tight. It would be pointless of dying because it would never be the end. It would give him a break but he would come back and remember. He would be alive again too soon and he wouldn't remember the blissfulness of being dead, of not existing. He would only feel pain once again.
This time he didn't want to have to face death. This time he wanted his life to stretch as far as possible. He needed the time to find his father and make amends. He needed time to forgive himself and learn to live properly without repeating past mistakes or plunged in guilt. This time he needed things to be different and death wouldn't be welcomed until the very end, wouldn't be sought.
Mordred absently sipped his smoothie, staring into space.
"I don't want to die."
"What?"
Kay had been watching television and hadn't paid attention to Mordred who had chosen to read but was obviously not paying any attention to the book on his laps.
Kay's strong voice brought him back to reality and he realized what he had just said. He hadn't meant to speak aloud.
"Nothing. I was just thinking."
"About death?"
Kay switched his full attention to the young man. Thinking about death couldn't be good, not in his case.
Mordred simply shrugged, wanting to dismiss the subject but before he could try and change the talk Kay spoke again.
"Come on, you want me to trust you and suddenly you speak of death."
His voice was slightly threatening. Mordred stared at him, trying to decide what to do. He wanted to defy Kay and not to submit to him, but then again he had been the one to ask for help. He sighed. Being good was difficult.
"I was thinking about death yes," he admitted a little more sharply than necessary. And before Kay could comment he added. "But not about killing."
He stared at his old companion a little harder to emphasize his point. He wanted the other man to read into his eyes and see he was telling the truth. Though he wasn't sure the older man would ever trust his face, his gaze. He had been such an expert liar before.
"I was thinking I don't want to die. Not in this lifetime. I want to find him first, be forgiven, and learn to live."
Mordred tore his gaze away. There he had said it again. He hated having to say those words. It made him feel weak, stupid and childish.
"Good," answered Kay and he shifted in the sofa, repositioning himself to resume watching the television.
A shadow of a smile had appeared on his lips. Kay was believing him. Everything was starting to change.
