Her Saving Grace, 17/25?, Spike/Fred, R
Apr. 14th, 2007 08:56 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
authoressnebula.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
tamingthemuseTitle: Her Saving Grace
Rating: R
Pairing: Spike/Fred, mentions slight Fred/Wesley
Spoilers: Angel S5
Chapter: Seventeen of Twenty-Five?
Prompt: #38 - abacus for
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif){kind=small}
tamingthemuseWarnings: Character death (not the permanent variety)
Summary: An accident one night changes Fred's entire world. Shunned by the people who should care the most, she turns to the one person who does care, and finds something beyond friendship.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Seriously. Not even my mind these days.
Word count: 2576
Pretty by
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
mentalme85
Pretty by
spikeshunnyChapter 17: Unravel the Perfect Answer
The storm outside was long over, but the storm inside still gathered. She could practically see the clouds meeting at his furrowed brows, thunder coming from his pursed lips as he growled oh so softly, and lightning flashing in his eyes as his demon flickered in his gaze.
She wasn't afraid, though. The storm was on her side, and was because of her, actually. He was angry because of what had been done to her by someone she'd trusted.
“I know you don't want me killing people, but if you did, he'd be the first,” Spike said quietly. They were the first words she'd heard from him in an hour.
“I know,” she answered equally as soft. “I appreciate the gesture, as does my demon, but no killing Wesley. He feels miserable enough, trust me. He's been losing his mind, Spike, thinking about what he did and how he was going to tell me. Besides me out of Angel's available team to help out, Wesley's pretty much pulled himself out as well trying to deal with the mess his head is. That's two out of Angel's team, three if you count Cordelia.” The pain wasn't as sharp thinking about her friend who was now even further away than ever. She missed Cordy.
Spike sighed, hanging his head. “He gave you something no one had the right to give to you: your death. I don't care if it was intended or not; he shouldn't have...”
“It wasn't his fault,” she said gently, reaching out wrap her hand around his arm. “It wasn't like he asked the vampire to bite me and turn me. It just...happened. And yeah, okay, it hurt for awhile in more ways than one, but I've got my friends back, I've got a new friend out of Buffy, and better yet, I've got you. I don't see this as being a horribly bad thing in the end scheme of it all.”
She could see his lips slowly allowing a smile. “You're too nice,” he teased, and she gave a sheepish chuckle.
“Probably; I forgave him, after all.”
Spike's head whipped up. “You...”
“Forgave him,” Fred said softly. It had been a hard thing to do, setting the crossbow down on Wesley's desk to walk over to her lost friend. It had been even harder to wrap him in her arms, and still harder yet to part her lips to tell him it was okay.
The honest forgiveness, though, had been easier than she'd thought.
She didn't blame Wesley. She really didn't. Her demon had howled for her, but once she'd been okay with the situation, her demon had been, too. It still didn't like Wesley, but there was something akin to almost...she wouldn't say respect or admiration, but it was something almost like that, some emotion her demon knew but Fred didn't have a name for. She wasn't sure it had a name, but some things in the universe couldn't be named.
“Okay.”
Fred blinked and came back from her thoughts to Spike's solemn face. The storm wasn't as heavy, but it was still there. Oddly enough, though, he looked calm, as if he understood why she'd done what she'd done. “Thank you,” she said. “You're not forgiving him, are you?”
“Not any time soon, no,” Spike said, giving her a small smile that wasn't completely nice. “The only good thing out of it was that I got you. I'll thank him for that, but I won't thank him for getting you killed.”
“What?!”
Fred jumped at the loud voice behind the front door, then turned to Spike, who was rolling his eyes. “Don't you ever, I don't know, stay at your hotel?” he asked as he rose, opening the front door. Buffy almost tumbled in, thanks to her ear being pressed against the wood. She cast Spike a baleful glare as she righted herself, then turned to Fred, concerned. “Wesley's the reason you're vamped?”
Fred bit her lip but nodded. “Not intentionally, but...yes.”
Buffy turned to Spike who still didn't look happy about things, back to Fred who simply shrugged her shoulders, than back to Spike. “She doesn't look half as upset about this as you do,” she noted, raising her eyebrows.
Fred raised her hand, calling Buffy's attention back to her. “Oh, I was upset,” she said, nodding. “Just not really here. It was a long walk back.”
“Ah,” the Slayer replied. “So you're okay with all of this? The fact that Wesley did what he did doesn't bother you?”
“It does,” Spike said, and Fred found herself caught in his blue gaze. “But she's forgiven him.”
Buffy blinked, then turned to Fred. After a moment, she finally nodded. “I think I know why,” she said softly. “I've been there, just as recently as last spring. You can't move on in any way, shape, or form until you let it go.”
Fred nodded. “Meanwhile, you can still keep it in your thoughts and heart, but it's...less, once you let it go.”
“It is,” Buffy said, and the two girls shared an understanding smile. It still hurt that it had happened, but the forgiving hadn't been something Wesley had needed to hear; Fred had needed it, too. It had released a lot for her, more than she'd realized she'd held inside.
“That's all I could've hoped for,” Spike said, and it was things like that that made Fred want to leap up and hug him. He was hurting because she was hurting, and if that wasn't love, she didn't know what was.
He sighed, though she could see a smile creeping up on his lips as he said, “Suppose I'll put his gruesome demise on hold and be civil. If you forgave him, then...well, I'm not forgivin' that easily and readily, but I'll hide it for you. I wouldn't do that just for anyone, you know, even if he didn't mean to send the vampire over to your table,” he said, his grin firmly in place, and that statement was enough to send Fred into the leap she'd contemplated before.
And then his words clicked, and all the other little things said here and there clicked, and then it all finally slid into place with a click so definite she stopped mid run to Spike. She could feel her mouth dropping open as it all slammed home, could see the immediate frowns on Spike and Buffy's face at her sudden change, and all she could hear were the little snippets from their conversations.
I wouldn't do that just for anyone, you know, even if he didn't mean to send the vampire over to your table.
Besides me out of Angel's available team to help out, Wesley's pretty much pulled himself out as well trying to deal with the mess his head is. That's two out of Angel's team, three if you count Cordelia.
It wasn't like he asked the vampire to bite me and drain me.
He must've taken the initiative, and when I saw him walk over to talk to you, all smiles, I called him a right bastard and ordered another drink. I though he was trying to be an ass by taking the girl I couldn't have from me.
It wasn't like he asked the vampire to bite me and drain me.
That's two out of Angel's team, three if you count Cordelia.
“Fred? Luv?”
She raised her eyes to Spike's face, and she knew he didn't get it. He didn't understand. She couldn't believe she hadn't seen it before. She felt like an idiot, someone who was trying to work what appeared a simple problem on the abacus, when in reality it was something that required calculators and formulas and the entire white board, chalk board beside it, the wall beside that...
“Fred, what's the matter?”
“We have to go to Wolfram and Hart,” she said to Buffy, and her voice didn't even sound like her own. It was deeper, jagged, and she wondered if her demon was speaking for her when her own voice wouldn't work.
Her feet worked, though, and they worked fast. She was halfway down the hall before she knew it, and even as she was about to stop to wait for the others, she could feel Buffy beside her on the left, Spike on her right, and both going just as fast as she was.
She burst into Angel's office at top speed, with Spike and Buffy still right by her side. The entire gang was there, including Wesley, whose face immediately fell when he saw her, and swallowed hard when he caught sight of Spike. There was no reason for him to look like that, though, and she almost wished there was. That was the easy answer, and for once in her life, she didn't want the difficult problem with all the complicated things for her brain to figure out. She didn't want to work out the puzzle, to be the smart one who got it. Ignorance, for once, was bliss. She felt like Eve who'd taken the bite out of the apple, and she was about to give Adam and company the next piece.
“What's the matter?” Angel demanded as they hurried in.
“She wouldn't say,” Spike answered, and Fred slowed her run to a quick walk, stopping a few feet from Wesley.
“It wasn't you,” she said, hating to do this to him, to Angel, but they had to know what was going on.
“What?” Wesley asked, confused, the same time Angel did. “What wasn't him?” Angel pressed.
Wesley froze. “My turning,” she told him. “Wesley was responsible for my being turned.”
“He was?” Gunn asked, stunned. Angel paused for only a second before he turned to Wesley, a dangerous gleam in his eyes.
“You're the reason...”
“But that's just the thing, he's not,” she said, and she was so tired of having her heart jerked around until it pulled hot tears from her eyes. They burned in her eyes, before escaping over the edges, trailing down her face. “Wesley, you didn't cause my death.”
Wesley turned from Angel's glare to Fred, completely bewildered. “Fred, I...you can't be trying to defend me on what I did.”
“Did you tell him where I was sitting? Did you tell him what I looked like? Did you even say I was at the club?” she asked, and Angel swung his gaze from Wesley to her, looking now just as confused as everyone else.
“Where you were...? I...no,” Wesley said, frowning for just a moment. Then his eyes widened as it hit him.
“You told me that after you told him you wanted me to feel like you did, he went to my table, but you never told him where I was sitting.”
The entire room was silent. She couldn't even hear the phones that were bound to be ringing out in the other offices. No one breathed; she would've heard it, and she heard nothing. Even their heartbeats seemed faint.
Then everything happened at once.
Wesley fell back into the chair he'd been seated in, face pale and ashen, his body trembling. He blinked slowly, as if he were tired and sleepy, then closed his eyes tightly and quickly, hanging his head.
Gunn and Lorne sputtered and began saying that it was unbelievable, what the hell was going on, what had changed besides everything, what were they supposed to do, why hadn't they found out earlier, was she okay, was Wes all right...
Angel stared at her in shock and too much understanding. His fists clenched, and he turned around to place them on his desk, hanging his head as he braced himself against the wood.
Buffy simply stood frozen, her face blank, and she almost looked as if she were in a photograph someone had taken of a sad moment. She looked like the wearied general now, not the Oreo loving friend who had taken her home several nights ago. She was distant, she was disconnected completely, and Fred would've been more concerned if she could've been. She was a little busy trying to reconnect herself to everything.
She turned to look for Spike and found his chest in front of her, his arms around wrapping around her. They clutched at her though, as if a gale of wind was about to knock her off the cliff, and she could feel his fingers digging into her hard enough to cause pain.
Right now, she didn't care. If anything, she needed the pain. It was grounding her, forcing her to stay in the moment, forcing her to stay with them, with him, to face the situation.
Wesley hadn't set her up. Someone had set up Wesley to take her out, and for Wesley to take the blame for it. By taking her out, they'd taken Wesley out as well.
Besides me out of Angel's available team to help out, Wesley's pretty much pulled himself out as well trying to deal with the mess his head is. That's two out of Angel's team, three if you count Cordelia.
Whoever it was had deemed Angel too strong a threat with everyone surrounding him, so they were taking each ally away, one at a time. This hadn't been a spontaneous idea, either. This had been well planned.
“QUIET!”
Fred turned to Angel, his voice having caught everyone's attention. She stole a glance at Buffy who was standing straighter, coming back into herself. She didn't look lost or weary anymore; she looked determined, as if she had a battle plan and she knew it was going to kick ass.
“This was way too well planned,” Angel said, raising his eyes to meet Fred's. “And if anyone's to blame for what's happened, it's me. They were trying to get to me by way of everyone here, and I'm sorry, Fred. I truly am.”
“It's no more your fault then Wesley's,” she said, giving him a wan smile. “What we need to do now is find out who the son of a bitch is.”
If he was startled by her language, Angel didn't show it. “I'm going to need more backup on this,” he said, turning to Buffy, who was already nodding.
“Consider it done; I was going to ask if I could call in my troops,” she said. “This little problem just got a whole lot bigger, and we still don't know how big we're talking. We're better safe than sorry.”
Angel nodded tersely. “Good. Not all your Slayers; last count, you were over 1800 and climbing. I just need a small group you trust.”
“1800?” Spike asked, turning to Buffy with raised eyebrows. “Red made that many baby Slayers?”
“Ohhh yeah,” Buffy said, wincing. “And trust me, this trip was a vacation compared to all the mishaps I was dealing with concerning them. Well, it was. Sounds like I found myself another battle.”
“Or war,” Fred whispered. Buffy was right: they didn't know how big the playing field was, or how many players there were in the game. There was just the small group of them against the unknown, and Fred really didn't like those stakes anymore than the wooden ones she had to be careful to avoid now.
There really wasn't an option, though. The game was in motion, and there was nothing they could do: they had to play it out until the end.
Whatever that wound up being.
< --- >
I warned you I had another big plot twist coming up; you didn't think it was Wesley's confession, did you? Too easy. I don't do the easy endings; any of you that read Lost should know that by now...
~Nebula
no subject
Date: 2007-04-15 01:32 am (UTC)This is so cool!
excellent twist and I love that Fred figured it out.
no subject
Date: 2007-04-15 02:02 am (UTC)Fred's intelligence and brain has been a lot of fun to write, actually. The way she figures things out is a little odd sometimes because her brain's got so much going at once, but that's what makes it fun to write.
In conclusion, thanks for the fb, and I'm glad you liked it! ^_^
~Nebula
no subject
Date: 2007-04-15 01:41 am (UTC)Gabrielle
no subject
Date: 2007-04-15 02:02 am (UTC)~Nebula
no subject
Date: 2007-04-15 02:15 am (UTC)Gabrielle
no subject
Date: 2007-04-15 02:25 am (UTC)Damn and blast you, Astra...
~Nebula
no subject
Date: 2007-04-15 02:33 am (UTC)I love how Fred it reacting to all this. I know she seems very calm at the moment, but I bet she becomes a tiger when/if her loved onces become threatened. And I love that she's the one who figured things out.
I have to say that the most fabulous aspect of this story - for me - is that at no time has Fred really been a victim, as in 'poor me, someone fix and make better'. She has been rocked by events (dying and waking up a demon, and having friends turn on her would jolt anyone) but she has the inner strength to roll with it and make the best of her situation. Her wonder at her new abilities is a delight, as is her determination to be Fred, not vampire or demon, just plain old Fred. Who happens to be a vampire. *g*
Thank you for continuing this fabulous story. And I'm eagerly awaiting whatever twists and turns you toss at this humble reader.
::hugs you and offers chocolate chip cookies::
no subject
Date: 2007-04-15 02:36 am (UTC)I just washed my hands and can't do a thing with these fingers...
no subject
Date: 2007-04-15 02:40 am (UTC)BUT! Onto your comment.
I'm really glad you're enjoying how Fred's reacting to all of this. I've been trying to not make her the damsel in distress too much, and I'm really glad I've succeeded with that. She's got a lot tossed at her, but Fred's had worse, and she's got not just her brain to rely on, but Spike and her friends as well. She's too clever to stay sad and upset. I'd love to have her brain. ^_^
Thank YOU for the incredible feedback; I love it when people write out long feedback. It makes me go SQUEE and be very happy. ^_^
Here's hoping this week's prompt will be nice to me, and I can write more!
*hugs and munches on cookies* Ooh, my favorite...
~Nebula
no subject
Date: 2007-04-15 06:24 am (UTC)I cant wait to read more :)
Karla
no subject
Date: 2007-04-15 12:12 pm (UTC)~Nebula
no subject
Date: 2007-04-16 05:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-18 12:56 am (UTC)~Nebula
no subject
Date: 2007-04-16 11:43 pm (UTC)Must get caught up!! lol
no subject
Date: 2007-04-18 12:57 am (UTC)For the other chapters, head here (http://www.athenewolfe.com/justrewards/viewstory.php?sid=362), where all of my stories are updated. That site is VERY nifty; the archive is made of love. All of my stories are there, as are all the chapters for HSG. ^_^
Thanks so much for the interest!
~Nebula