Prompt #11 - Orion AtS - Gotcha
Sep. 21st, 2006 07:12 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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tamingthemuseGotcha
Author: Lilithangel
Email: abchainey@xtra.co.nz
Website: www.livejournal.com/users/lilithbint
Fandom: AtS
Characters: Spike, Fred, Wesley, Angel, Gunn, Lorne
Genre: comedy
Rating: General
Disclaimer: no shirts were harmed in the writing of this story.
Summary: Wesley, Fred and Spike play another prank on Angel or do they?
“Angel you do read everything before you sign it don’t you?” Wesley walked into Angel’s office looking very concerned.
“Of course I do,” Angel said looking up from his work, “well the front page at least,” he admitted, “there’s always so much to sign. Why?”
“Because according to the memo that came across my desk I have to get an officiant to perform your marriage ceremony to the eldest son of the Ahctog clan,” Wesley said.
“My what?” Angel dropped his pen in shock.
“You signed treaty documents last week between the warring clans of the Titsselmrog people and one of the clauses was you marrying the eldest son of the larger clan.”
“You have got to be joking Wes,” Angel stood up in shock.
“No, it’s all here,” Wesley brandished the papers in his hand, “in one week’s time you are getting married.”
“This can’t be happening,” Angel began pacing.
“It is happening Angel,” Wesley sighed, “you really should take more care about what you are signing.”
Angel sat back down heavily, “you have to fix this Wes,” he pleaded.
“I’ll do my best Angel, but I can’t promise anything,” Wesley said gravely, “I’ll get Gunn on the contract; see if there isn’t a clause we can use to stop it.”
“Thank you Wes,” Angel said weakly dropping his head into his hands.
“We’ll do everything we can Angel,” Wesley moved around the desk and placed a comforting hand on Angel’s shoulder before heading for the door.
Wesley didn’t look back as he left and missed the strange expression on Angel’s face as the vampire watched him leave.
Entering his office Wesley managed to close the door before the giggles escaped. “You should have seen his face,” Wesley said to Spike and Fred who were waiting in his office, “it was priceless.”
“He didn’t question it at all?” Spike said.
“Not a word, he just begged me to get him out of it,” Wesley grinned.
“So now what?” Fred said.
“I told him I would talk to Gunn who I have already primed for the prank,” Wesley said.
“Brilliant,” Spike said, “then when Gunn can’t find any loopholes we get Lorne to organise a fancy private ceremony, get Angel all dressed up and waiting before we let him off the hook.”
“I thought I would tell Angel that you have to be his best man according to Ahctog tradition, closest relative and all that,” Wesley said.
“Bloody inspired,” Spike grinned, “Pounce wouldn’t let me be a part of it otherwise.”
“Just make sure he doesn’t see the clan or species name written down,” Fred said, “even Angel might notice what they spell backwards.”
Spike laughed, “the names were inspired pet, you are a very devious woman,” he said with admiration.
“You came up with them really Spike,” Fred blushed, “You are the devious one.”
“I think it is time for the mutual appreciation society to get back to work,” Wesley said dryly, “before Angel gets suspicious about the time we are spending together.”
“Just have to suggest we’re having a threesome and he’d back out of the room so fast his hair would move,” Spike leered.
Wes blushed at Spike’s words even as he laughed at the image of Angel’s hair moving. Memories of the last tequila night still had the ability to embarrass him despite how much fun it had been.
Wesley and Gunn were in Angel’s office to report on the wedding situation. Both were maintaining credibly straight faces as they presented their findings to Angel.
“No way to break the contract I am afraid,” Gunn said, “the cancellation clause would give the tribe half of Wolfram & Hart’s extensive assets which we would have a hard time explaining to head office.”
“Can’t we at least delay the ceremony to give you more time to be sure?” Angel asked plaintively from behind his hands.
“If I may?” Wesley looked at Gunn for permission to answer Angel’s question. “The ceremony is linked to a certain celestial event,” he explained at Gunn’s nod, “it has to happen during a conjunction of stars around Betelgeuse in the Orion cluster. The event only happens once every two thousand years,” he added before Angel could say anything.
“I can wait,” Angel said.
“The tribe can’t I am afraid,” Wesley permitted a small smile at Angel’s obvious joke.
“It is just a paper marriage right?” Angel peered out from behind his hands.
“That’s correct,” Wesley assured him, “after the wedding night you will never have to see your husband again.”
“Wedding night?” Angel squeaked.
“The wedding must be consummated or the alignment of the stars could open a dimensional rip that would destroy the Titsselmrog home world. It is really the only reason they signed the treaty,” Wesley explained.
“Do we know what he looks like, the son?” Angel asked weakly.
“Sorry man,” Gunn put in, “they only seem to come out for war or diplomacy and it appears their fighting abilities are such that there are very few living eyewitnesses.”
“Great,” Angel slumped further into his chair, “he’s probably got tentacles or something.”
“Oh, one more thing,” Wesley added before Angel vanished under his desk, “your best man.” Angel looked at Wes with trepidation, “according to Ahctog custom it has to be a family member so I took the liberty of seconding Spike into the role.”
“Spike!” Angel threw himself against the back of his chair.
“Well he is the closest thing you have to a relative,” Wes replied, “there really wasn’t any other choice.”
“Great,” Angel groaned, “the most humiliating moment in my existence and Spike gets a front row seat. It just couldn’t get any worse.”
“We will leave you alone,” Wesley said quickly as he noticed Gunn’s shoulders start to shake. Angel nodded without lifting his head.
“Not here,” Wesley hissed to Gunn as he shut the door behind them. Gunn got himself together and they headed for Wesley’s office.
“Betelgeuse?” Gunn gasped, “Star conjunctions. Man you started to sound like a Star Trek episode.”
“Well ironically the event is happening this weekend, but there actually doesn’t appear to be any prophecies or apocalypses associated with it,” Wes grinned.
“I still think you should have gone with the white robes for Angel’s wedding outfit,” Gunn snickered.
“I didn’t want to push it,” Wes answered, “besides I think the powder blue tuxedo will be quite fetching.”
Angel tugged at the tux with a scowl on his face. He was waiting in his office with a sniggering Spike while Wesley and Lorne prepared the conference room for the ceremony.
Angel had banished everyone from the executive floor including Harmony only allowing Fred and the others to remain because he couldn’t get rid of them.
“Tell me again why the best man doesn’t have to wear a formal outfit?” Angel demanded as Gunn returned to the office blinking as the flash of Fred’s camera went off. Fred grinned innocently at Angel and put the camera behind her back.
“Looks like he does,” Gunn replied tossing a parcel to Spike who caught it in reflex, “it was just delivered with a note stating the Ahctog clan have been delayed by bad portents.”
“You have got to be kidding,” Spike said as he opened the parcel to reveal a candy pink top that resembled a blouse. He frowned at Gunn trying to find out what the man was playing at.
Angel was frowning at Gunn as well, “what do you mean bad portents?”
“We better talk to Wes,” Gunn strode over to the conference room doors and flung them open.
“We aren’t ready yet,” Wes said as he spun around. He was standing with Lorne and a richly garbed demon.
“Looks like you may not need to be,” Angel said happily.
“This just came by courier,” Gunn handed the parchment he had been reading from to Wesley.
“Courier, what are you talking about?” Wesley frowned much the same way as Spike had.
“Just read it man, and see if you can make sense of what they want,” Gunn said.
Wesley quickly scanned the parchment his confusion evident.
Angel pulled Gunn aside and whispered urgently in his ear. Spike tried to listen but was distracted by Fred wanting to know what was going on as well. When Gunn broke free of Angel with an apologetic shrug he threw a similar glance to Spike.
“It says,” Wesley interrupted the sequence of non-verbal accusations, “that the portents for the evening were not good so they cannot cross the dimension however they are willing to allow the wedding to go ahead by proxy.”
“By what?” Angel said.
“They have sent the formal bridal garb with the note and according to Titsselmrog custom the best man can stand in for the Ahctog groom,” Wesley gestured to the shirt dangling from Spike’s fist.
“No bloody way,” Spike said glaring at Wes.
Angel glared at Wes and then at Gunn. Then his gaze settled on Spike and he relaxed, “fine then let’s get this over with.”
“What?” It was Spike’s turn to squeak.
“We perform the ceremony and then tell the Ahctog that it was consummated and nobody need ever know different, and we get on with our lives,” Angel said firmly.
Spike frowned at the shirt he was still holding, and sent another glare at Wes.
“What’s the matter Spike,” Angel challenged him, “not so funny when it’s you?”
Spike glared at Angel and stripped off his jacket and tee shirt before pulling on the pink monstrosity. He would deal with Wesley adding to the prank later.
“Well I have no idea what is going on here,” Lorne interrupted, “but we have got a wedding to perform so jump to it people, his holiness hasn’t got all day you know.”
Lorne grabbed Spike and Angel and pulled them forward to where an arch had been erected and covered in white silk with golden doves inserted at artistic intervals. There was another flash from Fred’s camera and for a brief moment Angel and Spike were in accord with the intent to get the camera off Fred before she processed the pictures.
The others took their places behind, and a series of whispers started up. “Hush,” Lorne demanded, “I didn’t go to all this work for nothing people.”
Darting glances at each other and their friends Spike and Angel submitted to a brief ceremony. The minister did not speak any human languages so Lorne translated after a quick, “it’s not like I had time to organise this properly or anything,” grumble.
Towards the end of the ceremony Gunn pulled out the parchment again which required that the witnesses perform a dance of fertility for the newly wed couple. The instructions had Fred and Wesley spinning around the room and standing on one foot for the remainder of the ceremony.
Glances were flying around the room like a swarm of bees as they tried to ascertain who was adding to the prank.
At Lorne’s pronouncement that Angel could kiss the bride Spike growled, which would have been more threatening if not for the candy pink shirt.
Angel instead jumped and punched the air, “gotcha,” he said triumphantly. Spike, Wes and Fred looked at Angel in surprise. “You really didn’t think that after the glitter incident and that thing with the Llama last week that I wasn’t checking everything I signed?” Angel continued gleefully.
Gunn burst out laughing as well, “sorry guys but when Angel approached me I couldn’t resist helping him with the sting. Wes and Fred you can put your legs down now.”
Realising that they had been pranked Spike tore the pink shirt off and stomped back for his tee shirt.
“You mean you were aware that the Ahctog clan were fake and went along with the prank?” Wes said with surprise, “right up to wearing the tuxedo.”
“I nearly stopped it when you suggested that, but it was worth it to see Spike in candy pink and you two spinning around like lunatics,” Angel crowed.
“You sneaky son of a…” Wesley said with admiration.
“I can guess who came up with the Titsselmorg species,” Angel said with a growl.
“Well you are,” Spike smirked from the doorway comfortable again in his normal black tee shirt.
“Gunn you sly dog,” Fred said, “you kept it quiet during all of our meetings.”
“It was hard but worth it when I turned up with the parchment and you were all glaring at each other for changing the prank,” Gunn grinned.
During the talk Lorne was staring at everyone in the room trying to understand what was going on, “so there was no treaty and no proxy wedding?” he asked slowly.
“Nope,” Angel replied happily, “these three thought they would prank me again, but I guessed what they were up to and turned the prank around on them. I figure they intended for me to stand around in this stupid tux waiting for a groom that never showed while they giggled behind their hands?” he looked at them questioningly.
“Pretty much,” Wesley confessed.
“You are just too easy to prank,” Spike added.
“Well I’m just sorry kittens that nobody told me what the plan was,” Lorne said heading for the wet bar.
“I’m sorry Lorne,” Fred said, “we got so caught up we must have forgotten.”
“Sorry Lorne,” Angel added contritely.
“You should be Angelcakes, because his holiness is a real minister and without a proper proxy your marriage to Spike is the real thing.” Lorne knocked back a drink.
“What do you mean Lorne?” Angel asked carefully.
“You and Spike are husband and vampire,” Lorne replied pouring another a drink. He spoke rapidly to the demon minister who replied with a shake of his head and a stream of words. “And since the ceremony was performed under the auspices of the conjunction of Orion it is binding until the next conjunction in two thousand years.”
“We’re married?” Angel said.
“Married,” Lorne repeated, “And for two thousand years.”
There was a thump as Spike hit the floor and a second one when Angel joined him.
END
Author: Lilithangel
Email: abchainey@xtra.co.nz
Website: www.livejournal.com/users/lilithbint
Fandom: AtS
Characters: Spike, Fred, Wesley, Angel, Gunn, Lorne
Genre: comedy
Rating: General
Disclaimer: no shirts were harmed in the writing of this story.
Summary: Wesley, Fred and Spike play another prank on Angel or do they?
“Angel you do read everything before you sign it don’t you?” Wesley walked into Angel’s office looking very concerned.
“Of course I do,” Angel said looking up from his work, “well the front page at least,” he admitted, “there’s always so much to sign. Why?”
“Because according to the memo that came across my desk I have to get an officiant to perform your marriage ceremony to the eldest son of the Ahctog clan,” Wesley said.
“My what?” Angel dropped his pen in shock.
“You signed treaty documents last week between the warring clans of the Titsselmrog people and one of the clauses was you marrying the eldest son of the larger clan.”
“You have got to be joking Wes,” Angel stood up in shock.
“No, it’s all here,” Wesley brandished the papers in his hand, “in one week’s time you are getting married.”
“This can’t be happening,” Angel began pacing.
“It is happening Angel,” Wesley sighed, “you really should take more care about what you are signing.”
Angel sat back down heavily, “you have to fix this Wes,” he pleaded.
“I’ll do my best Angel, but I can’t promise anything,” Wesley said gravely, “I’ll get Gunn on the contract; see if there isn’t a clause we can use to stop it.”
“Thank you Wes,” Angel said weakly dropping his head into his hands.
“We’ll do everything we can Angel,” Wesley moved around the desk and placed a comforting hand on Angel’s shoulder before heading for the door.
Wesley didn’t look back as he left and missed the strange expression on Angel’s face as the vampire watched him leave.
Entering his office Wesley managed to close the door before the giggles escaped. “You should have seen his face,” Wesley said to Spike and Fred who were waiting in his office, “it was priceless.”
“He didn’t question it at all?” Spike said.
“Not a word, he just begged me to get him out of it,” Wesley grinned.
“So now what?” Fred said.
“I told him I would talk to Gunn who I have already primed for the prank,” Wesley said.
“Brilliant,” Spike said, “then when Gunn can’t find any loopholes we get Lorne to organise a fancy private ceremony, get Angel all dressed up and waiting before we let him off the hook.”
“I thought I would tell Angel that you have to be his best man according to Ahctog tradition, closest relative and all that,” Wesley said.
“Bloody inspired,” Spike grinned, “Pounce wouldn’t let me be a part of it otherwise.”
“Just make sure he doesn’t see the clan or species name written down,” Fred said, “even Angel might notice what they spell backwards.”
Spike laughed, “the names were inspired pet, you are a very devious woman,” he said with admiration.
“You came up with them really Spike,” Fred blushed, “You are the devious one.”
“I think it is time for the mutual appreciation society to get back to work,” Wesley said dryly, “before Angel gets suspicious about the time we are spending together.”
“Just have to suggest we’re having a threesome and he’d back out of the room so fast his hair would move,” Spike leered.
Wes blushed at Spike’s words even as he laughed at the image of Angel’s hair moving. Memories of the last tequila night still had the ability to embarrass him despite how much fun it had been.
Wesley and Gunn were in Angel’s office to report on the wedding situation. Both were maintaining credibly straight faces as they presented their findings to Angel.
“No way to break the contract I am afraid,” Gunn said, “the cancellation clause would give the tribe half of Wolfram & Hart’s extensive assets which we would have a hard time explaining to head office.”
“Can’t we at least delay the ceremony to give you more time to be sure?” Angel asked plaintively from behind his hands.
“If I may?” Wesley looked at Gunn for permission to answer Angel’s question. “The ceremony is linked to a certain celestial event,” he explained at Gunn’s nod, “it has to happen during a conjunction of stars around Betelgeuse in the Orion cluster. The event only happens once every two thousand years,” he added before Angel could say anything.
“I can wait,” Angel said.
“The tribe can’t I am afraid,” Wesley permitted a small smile at Angel’s obvious joke.
“It is just a paper marriage right?” Angel peered out from behind his hands.
“That’s correct,” Wesley assured him, “after the wedding night you will never have to see your husband again.”
“Wedding night?” Angel squeaked.
“The wedding must be consummated or the alignment of the stars could open a dimensional rip that would destroy the Titsselmrog home world. It is really the only reason they signed the treaty,” Wesley explained.
“Do we know what he looks like, the son?” Angel asked weakly.
“Sorry man,” Gunn put in, “they only seem to come out for war or diplomacy and it appears their fighting abilities are such that there are very few living eyewitnesses.”
“Great,” Angel slumped further into his chair, “he’s probably got tentacles or something.”
“Oh, one more thing,” Wesley added before Angel vanished under his desk, “your best man.” Angel looked at Wes with trepidation, “according to Ahctog custom it has to be a family member so I took the liberty of seconding Spike into the role.”
“Spike!” Angel threw himself against the back of his chair.
“Well he is the closest thing you have to a relative,” Wes replied, “there really wasn’t any other choice.”
“Great,” Angel groaned, “the most humiliating moment in my existence and Spike gets a front row seat. It just couldn’t get any worse.”
“We will leave you alone,” Wesley said quickly as he noticed Gunn’s shoulders start to shake. Angel nodded without lifting his head.
“Not here,” Wesley hissed to Gunn as he shut the door behind them. Gunn got himself together and they headed for Wesley’s office.
“Betelgeuse?” Gunn gasped, “Star conjunctions. Man you started to sound like a Star Trek episode.”
“Well ironically the event is happening this weekend, but there actually doesn’t appear to be any prophecies or apocalypses associated with it,” Wes grinned.
“I still think you should have gone with the white robes for Angel’s wedding outfit,” Gunn snickered.
“I didn’t want to push it,” Wes answered, “besides I think the powder blue tuxedo will be quite fetching.”
Angel tugged at the tux with a scowl on his face. He was waiting in his office with a sniggering Spike while Wesley and Lorne prepared the conference room for the ceremony.
Angel had banished everyone from the executive floor including Harmony only allowing Fred and the others to remain because he couldn’t get rid of them.
“Tell me again why the best man doesn’t have to wear a formal outfit?” Angel demanded as Gunn returned to the office blinking as the flash of Fred’s camera went off. Fred grinned innocently at Angel and put the camera behind her back.
“Looks like he does,” Gunn replied tossing a parcel to Spike who caught it in reflex, “it was just delivered with a note stating the Ahctog clan have been delayed by bad portents.”
“You have got to be kidding,” Spike said as he opened the parcel to reveal a candy pink top that resembled a blouse. He frowned at Gunn trying to find out what the man was playing at.
Angel was frowning at Gunn as well, “what do you mean bad portents?”
“We better talk to Wes,” Gunn strode over to the conference room doors and flung them open.
“We aren’t ready yet,” Wes said as he spun around. He was standing with Lorne and a richly garbed demon.
“Looks like you may not need to be,” Angel said happily.
“This just came by courier,” Gunn handed the parchment he had been reading from to Wesley.
“Courier, what are you talking about?” Wesley frowned much the same way as Spike had.
“Just read it man, and see if you can make sense of what they want,” Gunn said.
Wesley quickly scanned the parchment his confusion evident.
Angel pulled Gunn aside and whispered urgently in his ear. Spike tried to listen but was distracted by Fred wanting to know what was going on as well. When Gunn broke free of Angel with an apologetic shrug he threw a similar glance to Spike.
“It says,” Wesley interrupted the sequence of non-verbal accusations, “that the portents for the evening were not good so they cannot cross the dimension however they are willing to allow the wedding to go ahead by proxy.”
“By what?” Angel said.
“They have sent the formal bridal garb with the note and according to Titsselmrog custom the best man can stand in for the Ahctog groom,” Wesley gestured to the shirt dangling from Spike’s fist.
“No bloody way,” Spike said glaring at Wes.
Angel glared at Wes and then at Gunn. Then his gaze settled on Spike and he relaxed, “fine then let’s get this over with.”
“What?” It was Spike’s turn to squeak.
“We perform the ceremony and then tell the Ahctog that it was consummated and nobody need ever know different, and we get on with our lives,” Angel said firmly.
Spike frowned at the shirt he was still holding, and sent another glare at Wes.
“What’s the matter Spike,” Angel challenged him, “not so funny when it’s you?”
Spike glared at Angel and stripped off his jacket and tee shirt before pulling on the pink monstrosity. He would deal with Wesley adding to the prank later.
“Well I have no idea what is going on here,” Lorne interrupted, “but we have got a wedding to perform so jump to it people, his holiness hasn’t got all day you know.”
Lorne grabbed Spike and Angel and pulled them forward to where an arch had been erected and covered in white silk with golden doves inserted at artistic intervals. There was another flash from Fred’s camera and for a brief moment Angel and Spike were in accord with the intent to get the camera off Fred before she processed the pictures.
The others took their places behind, and a series of whispers started up. “Hush,” Lorne demanded, “I didn’t go to all this work for nothing people.”
Darting glances at each other and their friends Spike and Angel submitted to a brief ceremony. The minister did not speak any human languages so Lorne translated after a quick, “it’s not like I had time to organise this properly or anything,” grumble.
Towards the end of the ceremony Gunn pulled out the parchment again which required that the witnesses perform a dance of fertility for the newly wed couple. The instructions had Fred and Wesley spinning around the room and standing on one foot for the remainder of the ceremony.
Glances were flying around the room like a swarm of bees as they tried to ascertain who was adding to the prank.
At Lorne’s pronouncement that Angel could kiss the bride Spike growled, which would have been more threatening if not for the candy pink shirt.
Angel instead jumped and punched the air, “gotcha,” he said triumphantly. Spike, Wes and Fred looked at Angel in surprise. “You really didn’t think that after the glitter incident and that thing with the Llama last week that I wasn’t checking everything I signed?” Angel continued gleefully.
Gunn burst out laughing as well, “sorry guys but when Angel approached me I couldn’t resist helping him with the sting. Wes and Fred you can put your legs down now.”
Realising that they had been pranked Spike tore the pink shirt off and stomped back for his tee shirt.
“You mean you were aware that the Ahctog clan were fake and went along with the prank?” Wes said with surprise, “right up to wearing the tuxedo.”
“I nearly stopped it when you suggested that, but it was worth it to see Spike in candy pink and you two spinning around like lunatics,” Angel crowed.
“You sneaky son of a…” Wesley said with admiration.
“I can guess who came up with the Titsselmorg species,” Angel said with a growl.
“Well you are,” Spike smirked from the doorway comfortable again in his normal black tee shirt.
“Gunn you sly dog,” Fred said, “you kept it quiet during all of our meetings.”
“It was hard but worth it when I turned up with the parchment and you were all glaring at each other for changing the prank,” Gunn grinned.
During the talk Lorne was staring at everyone in the room trying to understand what was going on, “so there was no treaty and no proxy wedding?” he asked slowly.
“Nope,” Angel replied happily, “these three thought they would prank me again, but I guessed what they were up to and turned the prank around on them. I figure they intended for me to stand around in this stupid tux waiting for a groom that never showed while they giggled behind their hands?” he looked at them questioningly.
“Pretty much,” Wesley confessed.
“You are just too easy to prank,” Spike added.
“Well I’m just sorry kittens that nobody told me what the plan was,” Lorne said heading for the wet bar.
“I’m sorry Lorne,” Fred said, “we got so caught up we must have forgotten.”
“Sorry Lorne,” Angel added contritely.
“You should be Angelcakes, because his holiness is a real minister and without a proper proxy your marriage to Spike is the real thing.” Lorne knocked back a drink.
“What do you mean Lorne?” Angel asked carefully.
“You and Spike are husband and vampire,” Lorne replied pouring another a drink. He spoke rapidly to the demon minister who replied with a shake of his head and a stream of words. “And since the ceremony was performed under the auspices of the conjunction of Orion it is binding until the next conjunction in two thousand years.”
“We’re married?” Angel said.
“Married,” Lorne repeated, “And for two thousand years.”
There was a thump as Spike hit the floor and a second one when Angel joined him.
END
no subject
Date: 2006-09-21 08:18 am (UTC)This is PRICELESS! You are simply a genius!
ROFL!
no subject
Date: 2006-09-21 08:29 am (UTC)