tamingthemuse | Fic: I'd Rather Feel Pain, Giles/Xander, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 1/1

Written for

tamingthemuse prompt "Colorless" and

smut_69 "Leather".

Title: I'd Rather Feel Pain
Pairing: Giles/Xander
Rating: Mature/Adults Only
Spoilers: BtVS through Season Seven and completely ignores the comics.
Warnings: Spanking.
Word Count: 2,096
Author's Note: Title from the song "Pain" by Seven Days Grace - lyrics here.
Author's Note 2: This didn't quite go the way I expected by I love how this turned out. I hope you all like it too. *g*

I'd Rather Feel Pain

Giles sat behind his desk at the rebuilt Watcher's Council, unsure what his next project should entail. He needed to review the reports from Cleveland that Faith and Robin had sent him…had it really been nearly two weeks ago? He removed his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. He was getting behind in his duties again.

It was difficult for the Watcher to do everything he wanted to get done. He knew he needed to delegate some duties to the newest recruits beneath him, but some things he still felt responsible for – like Xander.

The young man had called upon reaching the airport with the newest Slayer he had found in a remote desert in Somalia. It was tough work that Xander was doing, but important work. Xander had always desired to be a part of his work, even when Giles disapproved of the boy's involvement. He had proved himself invaluable to Buffy, but the Englishman never stopped worrying about how all this would influence Xander in the long run.

After the final battle at Sunnydale, Giles had watched Xander wander aimlessly for a time, searching for answers, for his place now that he'd lost all he'd known except his closest friends. When Giles had offered him the job of tracking new Slayers, the young man had taken the opportunity with a vengeance. It was good to see the sparkle of adventure and excitement in the young man's remaining chocolate-colored eye.

The sparkle seemed to have waned as of late and the Watcher was concerned. He was determined to speak with the male Scooby at the earliest possible moment.

But first, he needed to attend to the Cleveland report. Faith and Robin would be waiting on his input, no doubt.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The newest Slayer, Timiro, had been a breath of fresh air. Unlike most of the girls Xander brought to the center, this Slayer spoke English – broken English – but English none the less. Giles tried to tell himself that he wasn't disappointed that Xander hadn't come with Timiro, not that the Scooby needed to do introductions in this particular case but he still found himself searching for the familiar mass of sable-colored curls.

Returning to his flat at the top of the Watcher's council building, Giles paced around the small sitting room before settling in to his normal routine. A little music, Pink Floyd was up this night, and a healthy glass Laphroaig. He had taken his first sip as he settled into the leather wingback chair he'd taken from his father's home. It had been a favorite of his since he'd been a child. It was still his favorite now.

Suddenly, he heard a tentative knock at the door.

There were never any appointments scheduled in the evenings and certainly not in his personal flat. He stood and walked to the door, checking to make sure the axe he used as his personal protection was still in place.

Opening the door, he froze in surprise at the sight of the man before him.

"Xander!" he exclaimed once the shock wore off. He reached out to clutch the young man to his chest in a tight hug. "I didn't think I was going to see you this trip."

The young man smiled shyly, dipping his head to hide his face behind a curtain of overly sable curls. "Of course I was going to come by," Xander explained quietly. "I just had stuff to do before I came to see you. Besides, I wanted to talk to you alone."

The Watcher nodded and stepped aside, allowing the young man entrance. Giles followed Xander into his sitting rooms, smiling as Xander took his normal place on the long couch. He offered the young man a drink, which he quickly refused, before they launched into the normal review of Xander's trip.

The description of the mission and stare of the newly found Slayer were as detailed and as impressive as always, but Xander's voice and action lacked a bit young man's normal exuberance and life. Waiting until the story had run its course, Giles asked, "What's the matter, Xander? You don't seem to be yourself."

Xander sighed heavily before looking up to Giles' concerned blue eyes. "I think I need your help."

Instantly on edge, Giles leaned forward, "Anything, Xander. I know that."

It was several minutes before the young man took another deep breath to continue. "It's been going on for a while but I just didn't know what to do. I don't even know if you'll help me. But I need…something."

Xander's voice faded out by the end and Giles had leaned closer to try and hear what he was saying. He looked up, surprised to see Xander sitting so close to him. "What is it, Xander? Please tell me."

"It's just that everything seems wrong – like things are off somehow. The world is colorless."

"Dear Lord, Xander," Giles gasped, reaching out to trace his fingertips around the boy's remaining eye. "Why didn't you say anything before? We can get you to the best doctors the Council has access to right away. I can't believe you didn't tell Willow. Perhaps there is some spell that can determine the reason for the vision abnormality. We should…"

"Giles," Xander interrupted. "You misunderstood me. I can see colors just fine. It's just that the world seems to have lost color. It's like there's nothing left for me anymore."

The Watcher sighed, happy that the young man didn't have a physical ailment that kept him from seeing colors, but this new development was distressing. Realizing that his fingers were still caressing the silky skin of Xander's face, Giles dropped his hand to his lap while he asked, "What can I do?"

"I need to feel," he whispered, nearly too quietly for the Watcher to hear.

"Feel what?"

The sadness in Xander's eye nearly broke the Watcher's heart as the man looked at him and whispered, "Anything."

The kiss was soft, so quick that Giles could have convinced himself that it never happened if Xander hadn't sat, staring at him, licking his lips. Shock must have traveled across his face because Xander stuttered for a moment before Giles quieted him with a gentle finger over his lips.

"Are you sure, Xander?" the older man whispered. "I wouldn't want this to come between our friendship, change who we are to each other. You know I love you but…"

"No!" Xander shouted, the sound harsh and nearly desperate. "I don't want you to love me. Not like that. Everyone who loves me…"

Xander didn't finish that statement, couldn't, but Giles understood. Xander had confessed to him that everyone that he had ever loved had died; Jesse, Buffy, Anya, Cordelia, Spike. The list was short but it was still so much pain for such a young man. But he could see the tension in Xander every feature, every movement. He needed to help.

He looked over the mop over dark curls and the sad, empty hazel eye. He studied every wrinkle on the sun kissed face, every bruise not yet healed, every white scar that marred his flesh. Xander's body was here but his mind, his spirit, the part of him that made him Xander was gone. Xander was numb and Giles had to wake him up, bring him back.

Standing, the Watcher quickly drained the last of his scotch before setting the glass aside. He strode to his coat by the door, reaching into the pocket to pull out the pair of gloves Buffy had bought him for his birthday. They were insanely expensive but made of the softest, most supple leather Giles had ever seen. He slipped the right one on, flexing his fingers to feel the leather stretch and move with him.

He turned without looking at the young man watching him anxiously. Giles settled in his chair, letting it mould around him, surround him with the warmth and smell. Only when he was fully ready, did he turn to smile at the young man waiting for him.

"Come here, Xander."

Xander did as commanded and slowly walked toward the chair. Once he stood directly in front of the Watcher, their knees brushing, he froze, hesitation still creeping over his features. He waited.

"Over my lap." When the boy made to move, Giles stopped him with a gentle clucking of his tongue. "Strip first."

Xander froze, staring at him. This was the moment where the young man had the chance to back out, to change his mind. Giles refused to take anything that was not offered freely and he waited.

He didn't have to wait long. The sable covered head ducked as the young man quickly removed his clothes. The Englishman watched with anticipation as each piece of clothing was stripped away, folded and placed aside. The body that was revealed was beautiful, lean and strong, so different from so many months before. Xander's work in Africa had changed him in so many ways, but this was by way the Watcher's favorite. Every part of the young man's body was rich with tan. Giles wondered how often the boy ventured out in the heat naked to have sun kissed skin over his entire body.

Gingerly, Xander lowered himself over the Watcher's waiting lap. The room was not cool by any means, but the boy still shivered. Giles ran both hands, gloved and ungloved, over the soft, naked flesh. So warm, so responsive. Giles forced himself to take time to learn, explore the treasure before him.

The leather covered hand stroked slowly over the rounded globe of Xander ass. The young man groaned softly and arched into the older man's touch. Once he had the boy mewling and nearly begging for his touch, Giles pulled his hands away, leaving Xander whimpering for more.

Giles rested his left hand on the young man's lower back, reassuring him that he was not stopping before bringing his other hand swiftly down on the exposed cheek with a loud crack. Xander gasped and jumped, his fingers digging into the Watcher's thighs. Giles allowed it, the pain centering him on what he needed to do. His hand came down, over and over, connecting harshly with the fleshy globes, reddening them with a delicious glow.

The sound of the rhythmic slap of leather on flesh was soothing, almost hypnotic, and Giles let it lull him into a place more peaceful than he'd felt in a long time. It wasn't until he felt the wetness on his legs that he realized Xander was crying and his tears had soaked through the wool of his trousers.

Swiftly, he reached down and pulled Xander up so the boy was settled in his lap, straddling the older man's thighs and keeping his sore cheeks from resting against the rough material.

Trailing his fingertips over the sweat coated skin of Xander's chest and abdomen, Giles smiled at the angry-red erection waiting for him. He wrapped his fingers loosely around Xander's prick and began to tease the young man slowly. Xander whimpered and thrust into the waiting fist, his fingers digging painfully into the Watcher's shoulders.

Giles smiled as the young man suddenly cried out, arching so hard that his back bowed harshly as though he might break. Once he came down the high of his orgasm, Xander slumped against Giles, his sweaty forehead pressed against the Watcher's neck.

Once the trembling boy caught his breath, Giles asked, "Is that what you were looking for?"

"Yeah," Xander whispered, his voice raw and worn.

"Was that all you wanted?"

Giles felt caught by the intense stare from the single hazel eye. "It seems like a good start to me."

Giles smiled. When it was mirrored back to him, he thought Xander looked lighter and happier than he had in a while. He was looking forward to seeing more of that.

"A decent start, I think," he drawled. "But I'm not convinced. I think you need to stay here for a while, just to be sure. You've done enough traveling for now. I believe I'll be changing your assignment in the morning."

Xander sat back and stared at the man who had been his mentor for so long. Giles wondered if he'd pushed too far too fast.

"Do I get any say in this?" Xander asked.

"No."

"Good."

~~~The End~~~