tamingthemuse | Cavort-Buried Cosmos (Harvest Moon)-tiaordona

Title: Buried Cosmos
Author: tiaordona
Fandom: Harvest Moon: Another Wonderful Life
Disclaimer: GUH MIE NOU OENZ. D:
Rating: T for sexual themes.
Prompt: Cavort

Goddess, hear my prayer…

The desperate plea escapes my lips and almost immediately dies on the faint whisper of the gales, muting the prayer. But it still is a fresh wound on my heart, a pain in my chest, stabbed and torn apart. The eerie silence lapses over the Goddess Spring, making my skin tinge with chills. This sacred little lake is a refuge, a safe place for those who are injured. A haven. And right now, as the crises nudges into my life, it my only comfort. I do not know what to do, who to tell, what to say. For the umpteenth time since I had flocked to Forget-Me-Not Valley,
I have no control.

I was confident that marriage would mend that problem.

The feather, the promise, is in my cupped hands, resting atop my palms. I had thought that bringing it here would help me heal, but instead, it seals the hollow emptiness in my chest. Already, the light peppering of silver glitter is rubbing off onto my hands. Despite the blackness of night, I can see the shimmering sparkle, and the metaphysical glow of the waterside lilies makes it twinkle like a million stars, dancing and cavorting across my skin. It’s beautiful, but the cheerful playfulness of the sheen irritates me. I feel as if I can never cavort like them again…as if my feet are too trodden by grief and heartbreak to even try.

I turn the feather around in my hands, observing it. Now that all the elegant silver as fallen off, nothing remains but a simple feather, the deep, intense shade of indigo. The fake glamour is gone, and I am not blinded by the first glance. I can see this thing for what it truly is…a feather, plain and simple.

I stroke up and down the soft fibers of it, absently glancing at the turquoise surface of the lake, smooth, glassy, and perfect.

This isn’t just a feather. It is a promise. It is a bind between two people, a relic as sacred as the Goddess Spring itself, the motif of every breath I take. Fancy or not, this feather represents a union, a sign of true love…raw, unfiltered love, every ounce of emotion.

There is no real way to stay with one person forever, own that person, keep them all to you. It takes two people, and even then, the connection is invisible.

But a promise is a promise, and this is one that I know I will never break.

I stuff the feather into my denim pocket, staring at the surface of the water. Fireflies light the sparkling surface, their fair legs creating ripples as they submerge close to the water and quickly jerk upward in the face of danger. The ripples are tiny, yet still mar the delicate surface, birthing a gentle movement from within. The fireflies, the surface of the spring…everything cavorts in joy of the bounty of nature, in pure glee and ecstasy at being alive.

I can’t cavort now. I can only hope that I can embrace life as it is further down the road.

---

The house is a cozy little cabin on the farm, but seeing it fills me with cold dread, creeping from my fingers to my toes.

The windows flood with a buttery yellow light, a comforting glimmer of home in the darkness. But as my feet force themselves closer and closer, my home twists into an ugly house, a bitter parody of the place I had one lived. The boards contort and become mottled with rotting stains; the dust on the windows clumps to form haunting silhouettes; the door becomes big and heavy, ominous, with heavy bolts attached to it that would creak loudly if I dared to open it; the furniture is rickety and covered in desolate cobwebs, the legs of Marlin’s favorite chair becoming thin and spidery…

My heart nearly stops, freezing my body into a locked position as I can only look into the windows with a fascinated horror.

Marlin is staring at me through the thick pane of glass. His eyes are locked on to mine, but I’m reading him, looking into his emotions And all I see in those icy blue eyes is concern, laced with relief. Passion is buried deep into them. He is so vulnerable. And I cannot take it any more.

Before I can register the motions, I spin sharply on my heel and am running, running faster than I ever had in my life. My feet fly as my body wracks with wild sensations, feelings that tear through me like tissue paper. It had been a few days since I had seen him and Celia, yet the image of her hands, clinging on to him like he was a lifeline, is still painfully clear in my head.

I can see her green calico skirt, blowing around his legs. I can see her russet locks, silky and shining as the fan out on his well-muscled chest. I can see the protective curve of his arm around her waist, a gentle arch that I had thought was reserved for me and me alone. I can see the fierce glint of his eyes, as if he were cursing the world for causing her the misery. I can see how beautiful the little painting is to a person who didn’t know that Marlin was married already. It is a beautiful image, it really is. But with meaning added into it, it warps into something ugly and shameful.

It was perfect. It was how I had pictured our love in my wistful daydreams, with me in Celia’s place. I was the one who had nestled close to him, who had begged him for protection as my invisible tormenters, whoever they may be, come close. And he always drives them away, a knight in shining armor, an act of valor.

My breath becomes haggard as my legs become heavier, full of lead as each step causes sharp pain in my lungs. I stop immediately and double over, panting heavily, trying so desperately to catch the breath that I had lost. I’m so alone. I thought I would never be alone, and yet here I am. Alone.

In the blissful week that had past, I had not missed this sentiment.

I have no where to go. The darkness is thick and suffocating, causing a barrier to split me from the town. I don’t know where I am…I am off the ranch, perhaps on the east side of town, but I can’t be sure. I feel sick to my stomach, and my legs finally give out, my knees knocking too hard for me to even move. I hug myself tightly as I sink into a shivering bundle on the ground, a pathetic mess.

“Oh! Jill!”

The feminine voice rings through the screaming silence, finally breaking the painful quiet. I close my eyes and sigh raggedly, feeling broken beyond repair as two gentle hands place themselves on my shoulders. The tears finally break free as the voice tries to soothe me, quiet my whimpers.

When something hurts you, you’ll do anything to ease the pain. Anything possible becomes necessary as your hopes crash. You cling to the people around you, knowing that you are a burden, but continuing to hold on to them. They are your lifeline.

But when the pain is emotional, nothing…nothing…can erase the hurt except time. Humans hate to wait for things when instant satisfaction should be nearby. They want to expunge something they don’t want immediately.

Maybe that is how I feel now: like nothing can save me but time, but the pain is too much to bear.

I can’t help but smirk at myself as the tears come harder. My escape was not in a cavorted gate…but it was probably the closest thing to it for a very, very long time.