Prompt 118-Mortal Coils-Buried Cosmos-tiaordona

[tiaordona.livejournal.com]

Title: Buried Cosmos
Author: tiaordona
Fandom: Harvest Moon....which I DO NOT own. XD
Prompt: 118, Mortal Coils
Rating: T...this chapter contains mild sexual content towards the end.

 

The things we do for love-struggle, suffer, need-tear apart at our souls, rip at our binds. Sometimes, our best just isn’t enough. Sometimes our attempts wilt to the ground like deadened flowers. Like the cosmos I had carried at my wedding, buried. The indelible destruction of a young girl’s past.

 

It’s not worth it, I decide. No mortal coil is worth the feelings he had once given me. No mere mortal coil should be sacrificed to a man who could rip my heart out, who could destroy me in a single blow. Nothing of worth should ever be sacrificed for such trash. Nothing.

 

To see myself, seething in the grime-streaked mirror above my dresser; to see him, sinking lower and lower as my words dig into his heart and echo through his mind: these are mortal coils in the name of perpetual freedom. Freedom is something worth fighting for, always. Freedom should never be tossed away. I had learned that through a mistake, a mistake that I sought to fix.

 

“Listen to me, Jill…”

 

Marlin sighs and runs his hand through his unruly black hair, contemplating a response. Let him. Let him think of something to say. I was interested in listening to any rejoinder. He was trapped, he was cornered, he was caught. Nothing he could say could change my mind. Words can only express so much…but in a tale of emotions, love, hate, passion, lust: in a tale of feelings, words are useless bullets that whistle past. Little things of no worth. Futile attempts at victory.

 

But words are not his tactic.

 

All of the sudden, his lips are pressed against mine, tightly. My world is spinning, twirling in a distant breeze, whirling and drowning in an ocean of his passion.

 

I try to pull away, but can’t. It is now that my eyes close, my breath morphs with his, my being sinks into his own existence. It is now that I see his role in my life, the completion of my full circle. It is now that, in a fascinated horror, I discover that I still love him. I still love the man who broke my heart, cheated on me, married me and tried to use me.

 

But I am blind, and these thoughts melt when his tongue gently probes mine, explores my mouth. How…how on earth could he be using me? With all of this love I can feel, how could he fake this? How could he love two people with this burning passion? How…how…?

 

Unable to contain myself anymore, I break free from his deep kiss, gasping for breath. I want more, but I restrain my lust, the feelings that touch something deep inside of me and stir my instincts. I loathe myself for even becoming the tiniest bit doubtful at my own theory, but at the same time, I want to know what it is going on. Marlin is still my husband, someone who I care about. I have a right to know what is eating me…us…on the inside.

 

Marlin exhales and rests his hand on mine, and I don’t pull away, drinking in his loving contact. I am curious. Not in love, just curious. He looks straight into my eyes with a piercing honesty, one that vaporizes any qualm. I have to look away from his intense gaze, and finally, he speaks quietly.

 

“Jill, I love Celia, and you know it. But I don’t love her like a husband loves his wife.” He squeezes my hand once for emphasis, and I blink, feeling moisture collect in the corners of my eyes even before the whole truth is uttered. He smiles at me sadly.

 

“I love her like a sister. She’s practically my niece, and I could not do anything sick to her.” There is a certain fire alight in the atmosphere as he continues heavily. “How could you think I was cheating? Do you not trust me? Damn it…” He raises his voice, his temper getting the best of him. “Do you not love me?”

 

My head whorls in shock as I try to recover from his harsh blow. I had entered this situation as a victim…now I am a criminal, a con. But instead of anger, I feel shame for distrusting the man I had called my lover. I am a monster for ever going against him, for soiling the precious first year of our marriage with my selfish discontent. Looking back, I knew that he felt like a brother to Celia. And it hits me how my own self-seeking prevents another brilliant relationship in Marlin’s life.

 

“Her mother had taken ill…she was in the hospital!” he breathes, and his breath hitches. “Jill, she was crying on my shoulder…what was I supposed to do?”

My composure finally crumbles as the tears trail down my cheeks softly, my eyes spilling over as the emotion becomes too much for me to stomach. Before I can stop myself, I wrap my arms tightly around Marlin’s waist and hang on for dear life, my body shaking with unrestrained emotion. The fiend here is me, and I blamed him. I hurt him. I hurt Celia.

 

I hurt myself.

 

He hugs back, his breathing gentler now as he calms slowly in my shaky embrace. Tenderly, he kisses the top of my head, swaying the two of us back and fourth. “It’s alright. Please, don’t cry. I didn’t mean it,” he pleads gently. It astounds me how calm he is after I had wounded him so. The torrent of sobs escapes me, painfully, as I reflect on our wedding, his proposal, our early days.

 

“How…what…what am I supposed to do…to say I’m sorry?” I moan into his chest, trying to calm myself with the powerful rhythm of his heartbeat.

 

Using the tip of his finger, he tilts my chin up, allowing me to meet his eyes. They are vulnerable, but also strong and fair. “Nothing. I know you’re sorry. I know.” He allows me to fall in his arms once more. “There’s nothing you can do, because I know. It’s useless, Jill. I trust you.”

 

And I trust him, too. I never thought I would have thought so again, but they are fresh in my mind and heart. Finally, the truth is traceable in this relationship. My wishes, my prayers, come true.

Time passes. The air cools and kisses away my tears at the aid of Marlin’s cuffs. Outside our window, the sky darkens at the approach of twilight. The world flies by, and he is at my side again, a fated full circle.

 

I shift in his arms. “How am I ever going to tell you how much I love you?” I ask quietly, curling my hand around the rough flannel of his shirt.

 

“You don’t have to do anything. I told you, I know.” He smiles gently at me, and I sit up tall so I can kiss him again. Our lips catch again,
delicate, in another kiss that sends my hair standing on end. Marlin deepens it gently, sliding his tongue onto mine.

 

The release of it is unwanted, but starts his trace of kisses down to my neck, causing a trail of erotic fire to burn in its place. He is gentle, as if trying not to hurt me. I am not afraid…I am too intrigued.

 

I feel his hands, sliding under my shirt and finally pulling it over my head. I repeat the gesture, beginning to unbutton the flannel. This is it.

This is how I can express my feelings. It is the only way, the ultimate symbol of togetherness.

 

I am scared, but ready as ever. I want to. I want to delve into this new part of a relationship, to explore, to feel more passion than I have ever felt and have the comfort of those feelings being reciprocated.

 

Maybe I am a fool. But as the two of us dive under, I know that every mortal coil ever suffered is worth this reward.