130 -admnister -Wishing Well -gumdroprain -original

[gumdroprain.livejournal.com]

Title: Wishing Well
Fandom:Original
Prompt:130-administer
Warnings: It's sad and has death in it.
Rating: G (no cusswords or anything, but it's still sad so be careful)
Summary: In the early morning, a small girl is found dead with nothing more than seven dollars, her diary, and a wish.
Author note: This story just didn't want to get written, so please heavily critique on style and everything x.x

 

In the early morning, a man pushing a cart found a dead girl next to the graveyard for the victims of the plague. Without much conscience, he dumped her into an empty hole, cold and naked. As he put the clothes into the bag, a diary, a piece of paper, and a bag of money fell out. He pocketed the money without a thought, and tried to read the paper. Unable to read it, he was about to throw it away before he remembered his boss was a learned man. With that in mind, he headed to the nearest town and dropped off the bag of clothes and paper to the boss. He was about to leave before he was stopped with the words, “Oi, I believe you forgot the bag of money.”

Frick, how did he figure that out? “Oh, right.” He says, handing over the money.

The boss smirked before remarking, “The paper said it.”

“Really? What did it say now?” This’ll teach him to not turn in any papers…

“Give this money to the poor. Please read the last entry.”

“What does that say?”

“Well,” the man said opening the diary. “It begins with….
 
Dear Diary,
It's been a long time since I wrote to you. I'm sorry. Lots of stuff happened these last months and I don't want to write about everything, but mama always told me it is good to write something, so here's something.
 
A list of stuff that I lost
-my mama and my papa (the plague)
-all the stuff in my home (…, I lost track who took what. The bank, the doctor, and the family wanted a lot of stuff. They certainly didn't want me though)
-the actual house (same reason as before, but it's no home without mama and papa)
 
What I still have
-seven dollars (from my piggy bank. I was able to hide it under my shirt...)
   I did have a couple coins but I don't have them now. I'll tell you later what happened to them.
-the plague (I think that's why nobody wanted me)
 
 Conclusion
Mosquitoes should be extinct. Because that's how all of this happened. A mosquito came and bit us all, and that's why we're all dead and dying. It's scary in the streets as there's a cart that goes by with all the dead bodies and I know they're dead because he calls out "Dead people!" (Course I'm not scared)
 
But I'm in the countryside right now. I don't know how smart that is because that's where we got bitten but this is where mama and papa is. I visited them just before writing. At least, I think I did. See, the cart person is stupid and I hate him because he dumps all the bodies in one pile and buries them together so I don't know which pile has mama and papa in. So I stood in front of all the piles and prayed. (No I didn't cry and I'm certainly not crying now. Mama told me to be a brave little girl and I'm being a brave little girl.)
 
But, I don't know how to be brave.  Nobody will take me in as they can tell that I had the plague. I think I still have it as I'm really hot right now even though I don't have any coat on and it's night-time. I heard of a group of people taking care of sick people but I hear they get sick too, and….
 
I don't want any more people dying. When mama and papa ….
And then little Joey from across the street
And then those bodies on the cart!!!!
 

That's where the coins went. On the way to the countryside, I found a well. It was dried up (I'm really thirsty right now) but I think it still works. At least, I hope it does because I made lots of wishes with my coins.
 
I wished that the plague is gone and everyone is healed. Because, it really sucks when you’re sick and nobody will administer to you (did I say that correctly? Just wait, you can't hear me…)
 
I wish everyone's happy. Don't let me explain that to you diary.
 
I also wished that everyone will be nice to each other. Because people were really mean to me once I was on the streets. Apparently (did I spell that right? You can tell right diary?), once I have no more money (don't think about mama and papa), …. I'm no good to anyone. I'm just another mouth to feed. And I can't fight on the streets with the rest of them for food because… I don't like fighting. I'm hungry too by the way.
 
That was my next wish. I wished that everyone had food and water. I wished that everyone has a home because it's just so cold in the night without someone to hug you and to tuck you in.
 
I wish that everyone loved each other. Because it's so lonely in the world without anyone caring about whether you live or die (except the cart man but he don't count).
 
And then, I didn't have any more coins left. I only had paper bills and you know they don't work in wishing wells. But, I had so many wishes left diary!! But… I think they don't matter because it was just a wishing well and no matter how hard I wished, mama and papa are gone.
 
But… I can't do anything about that. The only thing I can do right now diary is to write and that's why I wrote this. Because somebody will find this page and will be able to do something about it. Or least, somebody can do a last thing for me. Find a good cause for my last seven dollars to go to.
 
Anyway, I'm really sleepy now diary. So goodbye, because it might be the last night as I think I’m bleeding… I’m not sure, but my head hurts too…

If it is, well then at least one of my wish comes true. I’ll be with mama and papa….

 

Both men are silent. The boss gets up and takes the money, heading out. He calls out, “Oi, start working. Burry the bodies properly now.”

He nods his head before calling back, “Right. By the way, take two dollars out for this month and donate it to wherever you’re giving the money!”

The boss nods and leaves. The seven dollars are donated to the nuns working with the sick people, enabling them to take in more orphans and sick ones. The two dollars are used to buy food for the remaining street-urchins.

It becomes a tradition as next month, the boss takes seven dollars from his own paycheck and the other man continues to donate the two dollars. This continues even after the plague is gone.

Comments

In which she plays teacher and deserves to be smacked upside the head.

[hachinoyou2sasu.livejournal.com]

Excellent first draft. You had a good idea and you got your point across.

One thing you might change, the diary entry itself is longer than the whole rest of the story. If I were you I'd shorten it a little bit and add more events and details to beginning, anything to show reasons why this one little girl's last message, showing such innocence and sincerity, would affect these two men so much, when they must see so many children suffer so much every day.

Very nitpicky thing here, but, when you say "plague," you're talking about the black plague, right? I don't think they used a currency called dollars in Medieval Europe. I could be wrong, though.

And I know that the whole diary entry is a diary entry, but with so many parentheses and those excess exclamation points and those lists at the beginning, it looks like something that would be written on Livejournal. I mean, I know this IS Livejournal, but the point is not to sound like you are, you know? Especially with this setting; people in Medieval Europe did not write like that.

Iif you're not talking the Black plague in old Europe, disregard the last two comments, but put in some kind of hint to show that that's not what you're talking about, because with most people, "the plague" would automatically lead to "the black plague."

Anyway, I look forward to more of your writing! In fact, I'm gonna go read some... right now!

Re: In which she plays teacher and deserves to be smacked upside the head.

[gumdroprain.livejournal.com]

Ah, thank you so much for doing this! ^^

Because, yeah, this fic was so much trouble. I seriously scrapped it the plot five times for this prompt. Anyways, yeah. I wrote the diary first and then went back and added it quickly to make it smoother.. Needs to majorly change it...

Just like the historical ness. You're right on both parts, but not on the plague. I was trying to use the yellow fever panic/plague in the 13 colonies, (hoping old memory is right as is using information from Fever 1793 (???)). I need to do more research on the currency...

I do realize that the paranthesis can be taken away and it reads okay. So, that can be edited. I don't want to change her voice into a more historical voice, because my writing skill is not good enough for that.

So, I guess the mosquitos aren't enough huh? See, I'm pretty sure the yellow fever panic/plague thingy was referring to malaria which is passed by mosquitos. The black plague on the other hand was passed by fleas on rats. People didn't knew that back then though and thought it was cats instead. But then again, did people knew mosquitos passed malaria? gah, more research...

So yes, more research is recquired. I will do it later as I'm researching other stuff now...

Re: In which she plays teacher and deserves to be smacked upside the head.

[hachinoyou2sasu.livejournal.com]

Hehe. No prob.

Oh my goodness. I know absolutely nothing about the yellow fever. Can't help ya there.

Not gonna tell you what to do or anything, but you so have the skill to pull it off if you wanted to.

Again, I knew none of this. Uh, don't listen to anything I say?

Good luck~!

Re: In which she plays teacher and deserves to be smacked upside the head.

[gumdroprain.livejournal.com]

*hugs you* No worries, and once more thank you so much for all the tips and stuff!! ^^