Prompt 352 - Shameless - What the F... Part 5 - comlodge - BTVS

[comlodge.livejournal.com]

Title: Let's Eat
Author: comlodge
Charachters: Ensemble
Genre: Fiction
Words: 1384
Summary: Set in an AU S6. Someone casts a spell and silliness ensues.   Part 5 of the What the F...? Series. No idea how many parts.
Rating: R for sexual innuendo/misplaced breasts/self gratification/naughty thoughts
Prompt: nekid_spike April theme Prompt: tamingthemuse Shameless
Disclaimer: You know they belong to Joss but he never wrote this stuff.
Previous Parts here. If you don't read the previous parts this won't make sense at all. If you do read the previous parts it probably still won't make sense but I'll have made you look.

Previously in What the F...The boys have been caught being naughty and the girls have retreated to the kitchen to let the men adjust themselves as required and do womanly things, like get the food ready and share what they saw in the living room and how they feel about it. ..

“That was so embarrassing.” Willow could feel the heat of her blushing.

“Giles breasts really are large and very saggy.” Anya as always, was tactless but accurate. “I am mad at Xander though, doing that with Spike.”

“Can’t say I’m too happy about it, either,” mumbled Buffy. In fact, Buffy was still staring green eyed daggers of death, at the vision of Spike’s mouth on Xander’s breasts, which seemed to be playing in an endless loop through her mind.

“S-spike is v-very w-well endowed, isn’t he and quite, um sh-shameless, about sh-showing it?”

“Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry you had to see that. It must have been awful for you. Seeing a man’s, well seeing it, for the first time.”

“I’ve g-got brothers, W-willow. I’ve s-seen it b-before.”

“Oh, well. Um, anyway it was awful. I wish I could turn back time and erase...”

“No!” The other three women shouted as one.

“I wasn’t going to. I was just saying.” Willow pouted. Sheesh, she’d made one tiny mistake. Over indulged in magic just a little bit, made a couple of bad choices. Would they never get over it? What was their problem?

“I know, Will. Sorry. Didn’t mean to jump down your throat like that. Just, you know, seeing that,” Buffy tipped her head towards the other room and shivered, “so of the bad, uh.”

“Your spells have a tendency to go wrong anyway, so it is probably better that you don’t play around with time. I remember a Genie I met once in Istanbul, or was it ....”

“Thanks, Anya. Let’s get some plates and stuff out and get the table set.  Food’s getting cold and I don’t know about you guys, but I’m feeling a bit hungry. Haven’t had anything since the double mocha latte at the Espresso Pump this morning. “

...

“Really Spike, will you get up off the floor and put that, that thing away and dress yourself.” Giles gestured towards the offending appendage with his head, before turning to once again pick up the pieces of his cup and saucer. Xander moved to help, taking a bit more care, this time, of where Giles was in relation to his head.

“Thankyou Xander. If you could just put the pieces in the kitchen tidy and bring back a cloth from the sink to mop up the spill, I’d appreciate it.” He gave the pieces he’d picked up to Xander.

“Sure thing, Giles.” Xander held the broken china against his chest and went towards the kitchen.

“Spike, you pest! Get up off the floor now and explain yourself.” Giles glared at the offending creature as he said this. He felt a strong desire to kick the vampire in a certain part of his anatomy. Either that, or take it in hand and do other things, things he had not done or even thought of, for a very long time. He drew in a heavy breath.

“What you on about, Watcher?” The vampire rose to his feet in a movement so fluid that he seemed to be made of liquid rubber or something equally pliable. He fastened his fly as he did so and Giles marveled at the grace of the creature before him.

“I mean Spike, your sudden predilection for Xander and, erm, for myself. I hadn’t realised your proclivities tended in that direction.”

“Vampire, Rupert. Sex is sex. When you have the urge, and we have it all the time, gender doesn’t come into it. Getting your end away is what it’s all about, isn’t it?” That infuriating tongue protruded across the equally infuriating but surprisingly full and lush bottom lip. Giles stared at it, mesmerised. His hands moved to his crotch, checking the zipper. He felt the blood pooling in his groin.

“Er, yes well. I thought you detested the boy. I’m just surprised to see you groping him as though you were on a date with your girl, at the pictures.”

“Hmmm, come to think on it, he’s not really my type. I generally prefer an older man, someone with a few brains as well as a good body. When I want a man, that is.” Spike smirked and ran his tongue across his lip, staring pointedly at Giles. “Someone with a bit of experience.”

Giles felt all of the blood in his body, race to pool in his groin, felt his member stiffen and lengthen, pushing against his now closed zipper. He could still feel Spike’s cool hand wrapped around him, teasing the head, sending little frissons of electricity to his...

“Here’s the cloth you wanted, G-man.”
...

The four women bustled about between the kitchen and the dining table, setting up places for them all and putting out the food.

“Come on you three, foods up.” Buffy looked across the room at the three men. Xander was bent down, cleaning something off the floor while Giles was standing, staring at Spike with a strange look. Spike for his part was slouching, bare chested, with his jeans hanging round his hips, looking like some sort of weird, sexy statue.

“Um, guys. Foods ready. Let’s eat.”

“Oh, yes of course. Thankyou Buffy. We’ll be right there.” Giles shook himself, took his glasses of and searched for his hanky to clean them.

“’Bout time you birds got it ready. Feelin’ a might peckish what with all the strain and worry over what’s happening to us.”

“Put your shirt on Spike, or no food for you.”

“Yes, Spike, you will dress before you come to the table in my flat.”

The vampire bent down slowly and retrieved his t-shirt from the floor, aware that his fellow English man was watching him the whole time. Xander stood up from his cleaning chore and Giles looked his way. He replaced his glasses and returned his hanky to it's pocket.

“Good man, Xander. Just put that in the sink and I’ll, ah, take care of it later. Let’s all sit down. I’m sure we will all feel a little refreshed, after we’ve eaten what the ladies have prepared for us. Then we really must get back into it and see what we have found out about our problem.”
...

“That was some fine Chinese, girls. You’ve provided well for your men folk.” Xander sat back in his chair, rubbing his obviously full stomach.

“Yes, yes, it was excellent, quite delicious. I think a nice cup of tea would be in order, particularly as my last cup was interrupted.” Giles winced as he remembered the earlier sofa incident. He looked across the table at Spike who was dunking the last egg roll in his mug of blood.

As Giles watched, the vampire brought the roll to his opened lips and began to lick the blood from it, running his tongue around the roll in quite the most sensual way. The vampire then proceeded to push the food slowly between his lips, eyes lowered so that his long black lashes grazed the top of his cheeks. Giles stared, lost in a sea of inappropriate thoughts, as Spike proceeded to suck on the roll, hollowing his cheeks as he did so, making the bones stand out more than they normally did. The little shit opened his eyes to stare directly into Rupert’s, the pupils wide and dark, in that ocean of blue.

Buffy reached across at that moment, and whacked Spike on the shoulder. “I know vampire’s like to play with their food, but not at this table.”

Spike bit through the roll and smirked. “Whatever you say, Slayer.” He shoved the other half into his mouth and chewed noisily.

“Yes, well, I’ll, um just put the kettle on.” Giles pushed his chair back.

“I’ll do it, Giles.” Willow jumped up from the table. Anya and Tara followed her and began clearing the plates and cutlery from the table.

Spike lazed back in his chair, hands behind his head and stared at Giles. Xander, toyed with the his place mat. Giles sighed.
...
TBC