Author: comlodge
Charachters: Ensemble
Genre: Fiction
Words: 1645
Summary: Set in an AU S6. Someone casts a spell and silliness ensues. Part 8 of the What the F...? Series. No idea how many parts.
Rating: NC17 for sexual innuendo/misplaced breasts/self gratification/naughty thoughts/actual sexual congress/alluding to actual sexual congress/same sex sex, you know boy on boy, girl on girl/ bad spell chanting/smoke
Prompt:
nekid_spike Spring Fertility Fling
tamingthemuse Drusy Quartz
Disclaimer: You know they belong to Joss but he never wrote this stuff.
Previous Parts here. If you don't read the previous parts this won't make sense at all. If you do read the previous parts it probably still won't make sense but I'll have made you look.
Previously in What the F…. Hmm, should I start from the beginning, because it’s been so long since I put out a chapter? Also, that will push the word count up and I can feel good about that. Okay then.
In the beginning, the boys woke up in their respective beds and discovered they’d grown boobs, overnight. Yes, I mean literally, lady sized breasts, complete with big, full nipples and sensitive, dark aureoles. Spike and Xander’s were nice, pert, young, big mouthfuls and then some. Giles’ were a bit on the matronly side, large and pendulous, for which I’m sure, he was a bit envious of the other two.
A Scooby meeting was immediately convened at Giles’ flat, to get to the bottom of the mystery. Spike was shameless in his self-admiration, Giles and Xander somewhat embarrassed, the girls intrigued and interested in having a peak. The girls went out to gather information, Buffy to bash up some sources, the other three to research at the Magic Box, and have sex during the break.
The boys remained at the flat, ostensibly to research but of course hanky panky ensued, causing Giles to scold his companions, for their less than helpful assistance, in solving the mystery, all the while, casting furtive glances towards the vampire, whose body he secretly admired for its compactness and musculature.
Then, the appearance of a mysterious man in black (well it is slimming and timeless), a ritual, some funny coloured smoke and suddenly everyone is doing what comes naturally, i.e. Willow, Tara and Anya were about to indulge in hot girl on girl at the Magic Box; Giles, Xander and Spike were going upstairs for some boy on boy on the watcher’s bed; Buffy was about to get reacquainted with her vibrator; and the villain was laughing evilly to himself, as they do.
Read on…
The sounds from Giles’ bedroom were getting loud and wet. The bed was groaning under the unaccustomed weight and wild movements it was now being subjected to, as the three men rolled and heaved and generally got into a tangle of legs, arms, cocks and tongues.
“Ow! Fuck, that hurts!” Xander pressed his body into the bed, trying to escape the fingers pushing into him.
“Shit! Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Spike jerked up from the bed and grabbed his head.
“Looks like you are on the bottom for this one, Spikie boy.” Xander grinned wildly at Giles’ comment.
“Fuck! Bloody story of my un fucking life! Fucking Initiative wankers. Fucking sex is supposed to be pleasurable. Why the fuck do I get zapped!”
“Shut up Spike. Xander lie on your back and the vampire can put his mouth to better use, while I see to his other end.” Giles pushed Spike onto the supine Xander and directed himself to the task of preparing the way for his own release. Ripper had been wanting to put the little shit in his place for quite some time now and this was the perfect opportunity. He picked up the jar of Butterboy and looked at the pale globes presented so nicely, in front of him. A smile spread across his face.
…
The mats in the training room at the Magic Box were getting a workout of an entirely different nature than normal, though of course Willow and Tara had played a little earlier in the day. Sounds of desperate need filled the air. Mouths sucked, lips smacked, women groaned as pleasures intensified.
Tara was suckling strongly on one of Anya’s breasts whilst kneading the other, with firm round strokes and occasionally flicking the nipple with her middle finger. Willow was ensconced between Anya’s lovely legs, administering firm strokes of her tongue and the fingers of one hand, to Anya’s very aroused sex. Her other hand slowly trailed up and down the sensitive skin that lead to the small brown pucker between Anya’s cheeks, dizzily circling it, occasionally pressing into it.
“Oh, oh, oh.” Anya arched up off the mats. She had quite forgotten the pleasure of lying with one’s own sex. The gentle ferocity, the intimate knowledge of just what brought true pleasure to a woman. The attention her partners were lavishing on her at the moment, was bringing her to an orgasm that promised her heights not attained in her many couplings with Xander. Who’d have thought, a skillful tongue, combined with the gentle ministrations of a finger, could bring the sensations, and then some, of a man’s cock.
…
Buffy had brought herself off with the vibrator three times, but it wasn’t enough. Oh sure, she got the warm fuzzies but she was used to screaming, hard, spiraling orgasms that rolled on into a crescendo of wave after wave of utter pleasure. Spike might be a pig and a monster but he was a god in the sack! This was mere foreplay to her and left her wanting so much more.
She pulled the plug in the tub, stood and stepped out to reach for a towel to dry herself. It was time to get back out there, go see Willy, find out if he had heard anything and then go pick up Spike for patrol, … and, other things. She moaned in anticipation of the night ahead.
…
Greg Hill twisted around, in his circle of candles and reached past them to retrieve the items, sitting just outside the perimeter. “Now for the final touch.” He smiled to himself as he placed the statue, the Drusy quartz and the vial of liquid, marked ‘From the River Lethe’, beside the bowl, and began to crumble the dried, shriveled satyr’s penis, into the bowl.
“Oh great one, Faunas, grant me this night, that which my heart desires. Bring the one I yearn for, to a state of readiness.” He sliced his other thumb and squeezed several drops of blood into the bowl. “Grant me my boon that I may have issue to carry on my name.”
He picked up the vial and poured the liquid it contained, into the bowl. Again, a fine smoke began to curl and rise from the bowl, this time coloured the blue of Forget-Me-Nots. He added the quartz crystal and a deep glow of red suffused the already rising smoke. It moved to the centre of the blue cloud, looking like a misshapen heart. The smoke swirled lazily about him as he continued to chant, eyes closed, forehead creased in concentration and a thin bead of sweat gathering on his upper lip. The smoke spread through the room and began to seep out through the windows.
…
The door to Willy’s bar slammed open and the Slayer stood, silhouetted in the dim light from outside. She was wearing the tight leather skirt and black boots again. Her little top barely met the band of the skirt and Willy could see flashes of sun tanned skin, in the gap that opened with her movements. He licked his lips in anticipation.
At the sound of the door opening, the bar descended into an anticipatory silence. Eyes turned toward the door and then hastily looked away as Buffy stood there, searching the room with a cold, calculating look. The chatter picked up quietly as she made her way to the bar.
“Ah, Slayer. I wasn’t expecting to see you back here so soon. I mean, um, what are you doing here, Slayer? All peaceable as you can see. No trouble. Just a few demons, having a drink, playing a bit of cards.” He nervously glanced round at his patrons, his face, glowing with a sweaty, glistening sheen. She didn’t need to have a vampire’s nose to smell the fear, underlying the little dweeb’s sweat.
She leant against the bar, flinched back when she felt the wood touch her bare midriff and looked Willy in the eye, or tried to. As usual, the little weasel’s eyes were darting all over the place, as his tongue crept out and licked his lips. Geez, why did she have to deal with low lives like this?
Willy leaned across the bar and spoke in a conspiratorial whisper. “Um, they haven’t come in yet, Slayer. But ah, we could go out the back, you know, if you want to rough me up a bit.” That tongue swiped across his thin lips again and a strange glint rose in his eyes. She almost thought she heard a bit of a groan in his voice. She reached across, grabbed the front of his shirt and tugged him further onto the surface of the bar between them. She definitely heard a groan that time.
“Willy, what are you playing at?”
“N-nothing, Slayer. Nothing at all. Just, you know, trying to be a good citizen.”
She snorted at that. “Yeah, right. Model citizen, Willy. You’ll be standing for town council next, I guess.”
“No need to be like that Slayer. We all got to make a living. I’m just providing a service, an honest service. And I try to help you when I can. Always let you know when there’s a new big bad in town.”
“Yeah, after I slap you round a bit, Willy.”
“Well, yeah.” That damn lip lick thing, again. She really would love to rip his tongue out, but of course then he wouldn’t be able to tell her anything. Hmm, maybe she could just get him to write it down. The thought of acting on this, sent a little shiver through her.
“Maybe we better step outside, Willy. I would be neglecting my duty, if I didn’t thoroughly interrogate you.”
Willy gave a definite moan at that. Wow, she thought, he really is afraid of me, though for some reason, it didn’t look so much like fear on his face, as anticipation. She felt the blood rushing south, felt moistness gather in her panties, heard her own low moan.
…