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tamingthemuseTitle: Riptide
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
spikespetslayer
Rating: G
Pairing: None
Summary: Sometimes, peace is all you seek...
Warnings: None
Author's note and explanation for the fic at the end...
Riptide
I’m floating. Floating so peacefully on tranquil tides of love. I can feel the waves bobbing me about as they toss me to and fro. I look up at the bluest sky I’ve ever seen, light blinding me even through closed lids and I feel at peace for the first time in a long time.
In my mind, I can see a grassy green hill, tall and uncompromising, but I climb it easily. The scent of roses hits me all at once, the smell nearly overwhelming and heady in the still air, and I’m transported to memories that shouldn’t be there—memories of rose gardens in full bloom, something that I’ve never seen in my lifetime. I look around and see so many roses, their colors fever-bright and almost unreal in the strange light. They are of every size imaginable, from the tip of my pinkie to the size of my head, but no matter how unreal it seems it doesn’t feel wrong. There is a sense of rightness about all this that pierces my soul with its purity. I am supposed to be here.
Lighter than air, I float on fleet feet to the top of the hill. As I begin to reach the crest, I see so many gathered there—faces from my past that I haven’t seen in so long I didn’t realize the holes they left in my life. My mother and father, arm in arm and happier than they ever looked before. My husband, my daughter, my brothers—they are all there to see me, greet me, show me my place. I float to their side and move along the current to embrace them when I’m forced back from them by unseen hands.
Not now. Too soon. In a while. Now you must return and prepare those who remain on the other shore for their trip on the tide.
The rejection breaks my heart. I want to cry and rail against the unfairness of it all. Why show me this beautiful vision of what I’m seeking, only to take it from me and make me go back to what was? It is a cruel cosmic joke that cannot be taken back and my soul weeps inside me.
The riptide pulls me, yanks me away from the shore and what I so deeply desire. I have no yearning for the other side, only what I see before me—peace, love, rest, beauty that I’ve long forgotten exists. I’m forced to look back over my shoulder and see myself lying supine on the white bed, my pale skin bleeding into the stark sheets and the dim colors of the people surrounding me almost hiding me completely.
A jolt, then two, and I’m gasping. Gasping for air and feeling all the pain, the entire struggle for breath once again. I thought it was all behind me but I was given the truth and a message, not for everyone but for the ones it would matter to. My grandchildren—they are the ones that the message belongs to and I open my mouth and begin to scream.
I resent them for taking me away from the glory that I glimpsed, but even more, I pray for the time that they cannot steal it from me again. It is my reward, my peace, my goal that I must have—it is the only thing that I’ve lived for as long as I’ve been alive.
I will go back soon. I will drift on that ocean of love again. Until I do, I will deliver the message and wait. I was promised it wouldn’t be long. I’m going to hold them to it.
Author's note--This is not my usual story. This is my grandmother's.
My grandmother was hospitalized and during her stay, she had this vision. I've taken no liberties with her story other than to put it in the first person perspective. She had a vision of heaven with details that could not be duplicated or disputed and information that she could not have known from any other source. I believe. I have no choice but to believe.
She was told in her vision that she had to wait a month. She died one month to the day from the day she had her vision while in the hospital.
Author:
spikespetslayerRating: G
Pairing: None
Summary: Sometimes, peace is all you seek...
Warnings: None
Author's note and explanation for the fic at the end...
Riptide
I’m floating. Floating so peacefully on tranquil tides of love. I can feel the waves bobbing me about as they toss me to and fro. I look up at the bluest sky I’ve ever seen, light blinding me even through closed lids and I feel at peace for the first time in a long time.
In my mind, I can see a grassy green hill, tall and uncompromising, but I climb it easily. The scent of roses hits me all at once, the smell nearly overwhelming and heady in the still air, and I’m transported to memories that shouldn’t be there—memories of rose gardens in full bloom, something that I’ve never seen in my lifetime. I look around and see so many roses, their colors fever-bright and almost unreal in the strange light. They are of every size imaginable, from the tip of my pinkie to the size of my head, but no matter how unreal it seems it doesn’t feel wrong. There is a sense of rightness about all this that pierces my soul with its purity. I am supposed to be here.
Lighter than air, I float on fleet feet to the top of the hill. As I begin to reach the crest, I see so many gathered there—faces from my past that I haven’t seen in so long I didn’t realize the holes they left in my life. My mother and father, arm in arm and happier than they ever looked before. My husband, my daughter, my brothers—they are all there to see me, greet me, show me my place. I float to their side and move along the current to embrace them when I’m forced back from them by unseen hands.
Not now. Too soon. In a while. Now you must return and prepare those who remain on the other shore for their trip on the tide.
The rejection breaks my heart. I want to cry and rail against the unfairness of it all. Why show me this beautiful vision of what I’m seeking, only to take it from me and make me go back to what was? It is a cruel cosmic joke that cannot be taken back and my soul weeps inside me.
The riptide pulls me, yanks me away from the shore and what I so deeply desire. I have no yearning for the other side, only what I see before me—peace, love, rest, beauty that I’ve long forgotten exists. I’m forced to look back over my shoulder and see myself lying supine on the white bed, my pale skin bleeding into the stark sheets and the dim colors of the people surrounding me almost hiding me completely.
A jolt, then two, and I’m gasping. Gasping for air and feeling all the pain, the entire struggle for breath once again. I thought it was all behind me but I was given the truth and a message, not for everyone but for the ones it would matter to. My grandchildren—they are the ones that the message belongs to and I open my mouth and begin to scream.
I resent them for taking me away from the glory that I glimpsed, but even more, I pray for the time that they cannot steal it from me again. It is my reward, my peace, my goal that I must have—it is the only thing that I’ve lived for as long as I’ve been alive.
I will go back soon. I will drift on that ocean of love again. Until I do, I will deliver the message and wait. I was promised it wouldn’t be long. I’m going to hold them to it.
Author's note--This is not my usual story. This is my grandmother's.
My grandmother was hospitalized and during her stay, she had this vision. I've taken no liberties with her story other than to put it in the first person perspective. She had a vision of heaven with details that could not be duplicated or disputed and information that she could not have known from any other source. I believe. I have no choice but to believe.
She was told in her vision that she had to wait a month. She died one month to the day from the day she had her vision while in the hospital.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-14 04:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-14 07:13 pm (UTC)Thank you for your lovely comment...
no subject
Date: 2006-10-14 05:30 pm (UTC)*wipes tears* Very well done sweetie. *hugs*
~Nebula
no subject
Date: 2006-10-14 07:17 pm (UTC)bittersweet, yes...but comforting too...she knew where she was going and when, more than most of us get at that time of life...and a blessing to the rest of us in the family...
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2006-10-16 05:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-16 05:58 am (UTC)I had typed into the author's note but deleted a couple of things...
first, I took a week's LOA from work to be with her...we talked and touched base on a lot of different things that had been on her mind and mine for a long time...we cleared the air, not that there was much to clear by that time...she had become more than Grandma, she was also my champion...the last two days that I was off work, she was near-comatose and total care, which I was glad to do for her...how could I not? She had never balked in any way in caring for me...the Sunday before she died, the entire family was gathered around, and I informed them then that they needed to tell her goodbye and that it was all right for her to go on home--something that my "Bible-thumping God-fearing" aunt by marriage was offended by, but who cared at that point?
I went back to work on Monday. She let go and went home at 6:45 Tuesday morning, thirty minutes before I was supposed to go home for the day...I believe in my heart that she didn't want me there because she knew that it would be hard for me to let her go, although I knew her wishes and what she wanted...
She wasn't just happy to go in that last moment--she ached for it, and told me so more than once. She knew that she had to pass on the messages but she was missing it from the moment that she left, and I was glad (yes, I can say that I was glad) that she got to go home and be with the ones that she loved and missed so much. I believe that she leaped out of her body and greeted them in midair...and that, in truth, makes me smile...
I only hope that my transformation is as peaceful as hers.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-17 04:59 am (UTC)Thank you for sharing that story. I think that is the best passing I have ever heard of, for both of you.